Addicted to sex with my ex....how do I stop?

[Lola55]

I have been sleeping with my ex boyfriend for almost 3 months now and I can't stop. I know it is wrong, I know I should tell him to take a hike but it feels so good to do it that I give in. Not only do I give in, I seek it out. I want it and I think about it all the time. How do I stop? How can you stop doing something that makes you feel so good? I know in my head its wrong, I just can't tell my body to listen to me.

[gotSPL]

in that case, dont think its wrong. think about the positive things that it brings you guys.

[krnswte143]

u guys are using each other for good pleasure.. i think its wrong. u guys have sex.. n one of u get attach..and then one of u leave n find someone else...horrible feeling...i been through it once and i never do that again..... if u guys r planning on gettin back then continue doin it...but if not.........i would say stop n move on. find someone u could love and with him n share that moment toghther........thats how i see it.

[flower99]

Is the sex truly that amazing that you couldn't replace it?

or do you think possibly...you do it to stay attached to him? you're not quite ready to let go of him? maybe afraid to???

 

listen to your head - it knows before your heart does....

Your head controls your body

[annie24]

go read the book, "It's called a breakup because it's broken." good book. And as greg b. (author of the book would say), "Girl, put down that penis and go straight to your best friend's house!"

[BeStrongBeHappy]

would you still continue this if you discover he is dating another woman? or worse, gets a girlfriend, but still calls you now and then for sex to get a little variety?

 

i think it is hard to dissociate after a breakup, and sometimes couples continue becuase it is convenient to one or both of them, but usually one person is less attached, and the arrangement falls apart when a 3rd person starts dating one of them...

 

and by doing this, you are NOT looking for someone who will fill all your needs, just not your sexual one.

 

and do you hope you might get back together? in which case you are 'pretending' this means you are a couple, when it is just sex.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well, you could try what always stops me having sex - don't shave your legs, don't erm groom anywhere else, wear underwear that comes up to your armpits, basically make it so that you cannot get nekkid with him!

 

Seriously, I don't think many people can deal with sex with the ex long-term. It just stops you moving on, you're neither with him nor not with him. Buy a rabbit vibrator, DIY for a month, and just don't let him back into you bed.

 

Good luck!

[quietgrl]

Well, you could try what always stops me having sex - don't shave your legs, don't erm groom anywhere else, wear underwear that comes up to your armpits, basically make it so that you cannot get nekkid with him!

 

Seriously, I don't think many people can deal with sex with the ex long-term. It just stops you moving on, you're neither with him nor not with him. Buy a rabbit vibrator, DIY for a month, and just don't let him back into you bed.

 

Good luck!

 

This is the best advices that i've heard so far. My stomach is hurting from laughing .

[flower99]

Well, you could try what always stops me having sex - don't shave your legs, don't erm groom anywhere else, wear underwear that comes up to your armpits, basically make it so that you cannot get nekkid with him!

 

Seriously, I don't think many people can deal with sex with the ex long-term. It just stops you moving on, you're neither with him nor not with him. Buy a rabbit vibrator, DIY for a month, and just don't let him back into you bed.

 

Good luck!

 

yeah that totally works.... good advice (:

[DN]

u guys are using each other for good pleasure.. i think its wrong. u guys have sex.. n one of u get attach..and then one of u leave n find someone else...horrible feeling...i been through it once and i never do that again..... if u guys r planning on gettin back then continue doin it...but if not.........i would say stop n move on. find someone u could love and with him n share that moment toghther........thats how i see it.

moderator note: please type out your posts properly and avoid the use of netspeak ('u' for 'you' 'n' for 'and' etc.) Netspeak is not allowed on this forum.

[RayKay]

Are you sure it is the SEX, or you are just hoping to rekindle the intimacy?

 

Which won't happen at this rate.

 

Here is a good reason to stop.....as long as you are doing it you are not only holding yourself back from healing, but you are delaying and preventing the chances of finding a guy whom not only you will have a rocking sex life with, but whom will provide you with emotional commitment as well as all the other aspects of a relationship.

[Lola55]

When we have sex we are very intimate too. We spend a lot of time together and connect with one another on so many levels. I guess I am holding on to both of these things. I enjoy the feeling of not only the sex but the comfort and intimacy.

[RayKay]

Well, I think intimacy is much deeper than the feelings you get when you are close during sex, and I think the fact you are NOT together takes away that true intimacy.

 

He is not committed to you = not intimate

He is free to date others = not intimate

He can sleep with others = not intimate

He does not make future plans for your relationship together (since you are not together) = not intimate

He is not part of your life or you his in the respect of family functions, career choices, friends, etc (at least it is limited if there is) = not intimate

 

Are you maybe pursuing a false intimacy, rather than the real stuff where someone wants to be with you in return in more ways than a sexual relationship?

[Lola55]

you have no idea how much I want that kind of intimacy you are describing. I have been broken up with this guy for almost 3 years now and have yet to find anyone like him. I have had flings and I dated one guy for like 4 months but other then that I have had nothing. I am finding it soo hard to meet a new guy of interest. There are times when I feel like something is wrong with me. There are other times when I feel like he is the one for me, and that I will never find anything better. I know he does not want to commit to me but I don't want to commit to him either...I just like the way it makes me feel when I am with him. I need to stop doing this and I know that. That is not the issue here. The issue is how to stop it. I have had to do NC on and off with this guy all these years and he still makes his way back into my life somehow. Just when I think he is out of it for good I let him back in or he pushes until I do. This time I gave in again, and now I am in very deep. I am struggling to let go.....its so hard when I have nothing else to look forward to or to show me that I CAN do better than him. Right now i just don't know if I can....and the side of me that says I can't always seems to win.