Ex Girlfriend and I were talking again. Need Opinions.

[4wheel]

Hi. First time poster and long time lurker. I'm going to give you a very brief synapsis of my relationship and would like to get other readers responses.

 

During the last 6 months of us being together (1 1/2 yrs), we had to do the LDR thing as it was out of our hands. During that 6 months we only physically saw each other for 3 days total. The Ex ended up moving closer to me, but still in another state. She would typically text message me and tell me how it sucked that we were always apart. However, we were only about a 5-6 hour drive away when she moved closer and she seemed to be pushing me away. I found out she started drinking heavily and stopped taking meds for her Bipolar condition. Needless to say, she changed as a person.

 

I found out she had a new boyfriend soon after she moved there. I was really hurt at hearing this, and then I find out she moved in with him after only dating for 3 months. Found out her relative had to leave town and she did not want to go back East to live so she moved in with him.

 

We started talking regularly again about 2 months ago. I was involved in a very bad accident, and was hospitalized and in a coma. My sister text messaged everybody in my phone to inform them of my status and the Ex's number was still in there. When I came to she was one of the first people to call me. Previous to that we had not had any real contact for about 5 months.

 

That night we talked for nearly 4 hours and she told me that she loves me and has been crying all the time knowing that I could have died. She apologized for being cold towards me etc. We have been communicating almost daily since until about 2 weeks ago. She started ignoring me once again and sent me a disturbing text message.

 

Prior to her last text, I sent her a picture of myself and some friends tailgating at a Football game. She called twice that week but I did not answer because I was busy. That was the last time she tried to call me until yesterday.

 

I told her I was going to be in her town to watch a football game with friends and I asked her if we could have lunch or something. She sent me back a text message said: I have a boyfriend, and he knows about or past. I want to keep it that way. I sent her one asking her what that meant and the last text said: Things have changed and we've moved on.

 

Do you think she felt guilty and contacted me to clear her conscience once she found out about my accident?

 

Her boyfriend was not at all happy about her talking to me. Do you think he told her not to speak to me anymore or it was over?

 

Could it be another cycle in the bipolar going from depressed to manic? Now that she is out of the depression mode and in manic mode she does not "need me and miss me"

 

She always used to say that she never had anyone treat her like I did and sometimes I think her feelings for me would scare her. She often told me this when I asked why she was pushing me away. I often heard statements like "what do you see in me" " I don't deserve you" etc.

 

Don't know what to think. Maybe they were going through tough times together and she was using me as a safety net. When things got better between them she didn't need my anymore. She never did talk about their relationship with me.

[Solostandconfused]

sounds like you need a girl that knows how to treat you right and find someone closer!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think in this kind of situation you need to take her at her word... that is, she has a new boyfriend and has asked you not to contact her...

 

when she heard you were injured, she like anyone else would feel terrible about this, and her presense then might reflect guilt or some other emotion. one can be very fond of former loves and want to show support in dire circumstances, but still understand that it is not working out due to circumstances, locations, etc. so when you are better, she goes back to whatever is going on with her at the time, away from you.

 

she has made it clear that 'things have changed and moved on.' LDRs are very hard to keep going at best, and sometimes it really is better to find someone truly available to you in your own town. she is being very clear about having a new boyfriend and not wanting to see you, so questioning her motivation or illness or whatever isn't appropriate. you are not in a position to be with her all the time, or her mental watchdog, so you have to assume that she is serious about having a new boyfriend and moving on. if she breaks up with him and wants you back, i am sure she will let you know.

 

so i think an appropriate response to her text is to say, 'good luck with your new boyfriend. i wish you the best.' then you need to move on, and go about finding a girl who is available to you, not someone committed to someone else in another town...

[4wheel]

I guess I could add a little bit more detail too. I tried to keep it as brief as possible.

 

Alot of the times when she called me, she was crying. Most recently, she told me "why is it you are the only one I can turn to", "why are you the only one who will listen to me" etc. She mentioned that she was lonely and had no friends etc. Sounds like she has a real good relationship with the new BF.

 

I still believe that deep down in my heart we will get back together one day. Maybe it is just hope, but we were very compatible with one another and really had that mental connection. Thats why I don't quite understand how she could have just given up on our relationship. We were not that far apart where distance was too great to overcome. She moved only a 5 hour drive away or a 45 minute plane trip.

 

It just doesn't make sense how one day she misses me and speaks to me and then the next day she will ignore me and turn completely cold.

[settinuplife]

That's bipolar personality for you. My ex was bipolar and she did the same things, except she was more severe in telling me her feelings for me while she was dating someone else and telling me we'll get back together and that she wants to! She would get close to me and tell me she wants me again, then she runs back to her bf.

 

I went strict NC on her finally because these mixed signals from her had been going on since we broke up 2 years ago. I was her back-up, doormat, sparetire, whatever you wanna call it.

 

She will flipflop between you and her bf if you let her, and part of it is her personality, and part is her bipolar disorder. Best thing to do is NC in this situation to heal yourself and get her attention on what she is loosing.