Feeling guilty dating multipe people, should I?

[inthecorner]

Hey

 

kinda confused at the moment to what i want, or who i want. For starters i am in Uni in my final year and do not really want a serious relationship because I tend to get madly in love easily. I've been described as being clingy and needy, which drives the girls away. I only experience this in a relationship though and, i am more than fine and happy with just dating. In a relationship however I tend to get to the point where im thinking about the other person all the time. Analyzing what they did or said, worrying etc etc. N i don't really want 2 go through that again. I finish university in may and don't wanna disrupt my concentration, as most of the degree is based on this year.

 

So is dating multiple people bad. I feel guilty and wrong for leading people on. It is quite obvious and some have made it clear that they want a relationship. Ones asked today where we stand. i decided 2 tell her the truth. Shes my X before my other X lol. I said how i get weird in relationships n don't wanna go through it again without being sure that i am gonna b 100% happy.

 

The other girls are my X, who i don't really see any more. But i can say, i have deep deep feelings 4 her still. i spoke 2 her on the phone on Saturday and i said i miss and still love her. She replied, 2 my surprise that she still loves me 2. She said summt about us being soul mates or summt. i was drunk so cant remember. This relationship was difficult however because she is really obsessed with her uni work and we hardly seen each other. i also require alot of physical affection n she does not. including sex, cuddling n just sleeping in the same bed etc. We only had sex twice in a year of knowing each other, so u can probably see my concern. I was thinkin and we have discussed maybe trying again her after uni despite this. Since our degrees will be out of the way. Though i doubt anything would really change. Shes still not going 2 like physical affection right? was originally just gonna date others 4 now, just 4 fun and see if there is another that i fall for like my x, but its hard because the other person normally wants something more.

 

Then theres this new girl, who i met through a work friend. (I work on a bar.) shes gorgeous and seems like a nice girl, goin out with her on Thursday. Dont know what 2 do.

 

im scared if i get into another relationship i will loose my x 4 good. But thats not written in stone that we will get back 2gether. Not even sure if thats the right thing 2 do. So confusing.

[Lion-Guy]

You can't have them all...well unless you live in UT..joking

 

But in all serious I don't think it is fair to these other women to do what you are doing. Sure you might love all this attention that you are getting, but remember if you really like these women you wouldn't be playing with their feelings like this. Take a step back and imagine what it would be like if there was a girl that you really liked but she was seeing and perhaps sleeping with 3 other guys at the same time as you. How would you feel? How would you like to be treated? You have some deep thinking to do on this one. Good luck.

[chai714]

To answer your main question, no it's not wrong to date multiple people. As a general rule, you should assume the person you're dating is seeing 6 other people on the night they're not with you.

 

If you're single, feel free to date multiple people. But know that it likely won't continue for any significant period of time because you'll naturally gravitate toward the person you like the most OR simply drop all of them. It can be fun and rewarding to keep a dating rotation going though. Not forever, but you might look back and be able to appreciate it for what it was at the time - a learning experience.

 

Good luck and have fun.

[Day_Walker]

It is not wrong to date multiple people but as a way to protect myself I make it known that I am not looking for a relationship and if they continue to see you knowing that you dont want a relationship then you have done your duty to inform them. I would suggest not getting involved in situations where you have deep feelings for person and just dating them because it is going to become like a relationship pretty quick. I would stick to new girls and just have fun with them while maintaining that you are not looking for a relationship.

[friscodj]

Yes, my friend, it sounds like you are very confused.

 

From reading your post again here, I think dating anyone right now would not be the best idea for you. You definitely seem to long for your ex but you see nothing changing between you two, which leads me to believe if you pursue something with her, the same result of a break up will follow. But she still owns your heart...

 

You describe yourself as needy, clingy, and one who falls in love fast. That statement, coupled with the pretty obvious fact that you are a fireball of confusion right now, feeling guilty, etc., the other pretty obvious fact that your heart is still wrapped up with your ex, and the fact there are multiple other women in the picture here, points to a potentially troubled situation where a lot of people (including yourself) get hurt. You say you're "just having fun and dating now" but with the relationship tendencies you describe, your emotional confusion, and the desires of these "other" women to take things to the next level, I can clearly see such an outcome transpiring. And to put the cherry on top of this, graduation and a subsequent life change awaits you soon. WOW! :shocked!:

 

And you know what? I have felt like this before and have been in very similar situations as the one you describe here. I discovered a lot of my motivation to date was to satisfy my need to be in a relationship, fueling this unhealthy neediness, especially when my heart still belonged to an ex. The attention was an ego boost, one or more women were needed to support my fragile self-esteem, I started to define myself and my happiness by such, and the drama, the feelings with new women, to many extents became addicting. This eventually led to some destructive relationship cycles and never feelings truly happy or content.

 

So my advice to you is to be alone for a while and figure yourself out, really figure yourself out because I think this is necessary. Focus on your school and what you're going to do after school.

[renaissancewoman101]

You shouldnt feel guilty about dating multiple people, although dont form emotional connections too early or else that could wreak havoc on your emotions and feelings.

 

I have never been able to date more than one person at a time because I feel as though I would not be able to give that person justice to the relationship. But then I also dont seem to attract more than one guy at a time.