What do you want to say to your ex?

[mca1975]

i would say:

 

i want you to be happy

 

you will never know how sad I was that our relationship didnt work. i wanted it to so badly

 

you were good to me but your controlling behaviour "killed" us and made me want to flee. i tried to fight it, but it happened as part of a natural process that I could not stop.

 

i know that you tried your best to stop that behaviour but you could not for your own reasons which you have been living with for some time now.

 

i want us to be friends one day and dont want you to hate me.

 

i care about you a lot

 

i sometimes feel angry at you that you could not stop your "behaviour" because there are things i miss about "us".

 

i never meant to hurt you, it nearly half killed me ending our relationship because i could feel your pain at losing it and i didnt want to do that to you, but i had to put me first

[ruby19]

I don't think you understand the damage you wrought and the hurt you caused by your own self-centred actions. If you could go through what I have been going through for months for just one day you would understand what I was talking about. But you might need feelings and emotions for that and I'm sure you have any or even understand the concept.

[pigeon.egg]

I miss you with all my heart and soul.

 

Please come home.

[Cimmie]

Firstly, I am sorry for the bad things I did in our relationship. They were how I tried to cope.

 

I want to apologise to you for not leaving you five years earlier. But I still loved and admired you and wanted to believe things would get better.

 

I'm sorry that I didn't make it clearer that your behaviour was unacceptable. In that way, I did you a disservice. It's because I thought badly of myself and was a coward.

 

I never lied to you about anything in ten years. This is because I loved and respected you. I'm sorry you can't appreciate that. I'm sorry you have no values.

 

I used to wish you would be jealous, even once. You were so certain of my love that you never felt threatened, or else you just didn't care. You told me you wouldn't care if I slept with other people. That made me feel like * * * *.

 

I hate the way you mocked my feelings and my thoughts, and how you believe that you are uniquely brilliant, uniquely entitled.

 

I hate the way you had of making me feel unintelligent, unvalued and unloved. You have no idea that most of my achievements were motivated by wanting to please you, communicate with you, prove I was good enough for you.

 

I tried really hard. You never appreciated that.

 

You proved to me that you are a sick person by screwing your student and lying to me about my life for over a year. I hate her, but you took advantage of her and I am disgusted by that. I hate you for making me feel that a 21 year old student is a better person than I am and worthier of your love and attention, when the reality is that she sucks your * * * * and lets you do whatever you want with her sexually and that is the real reason you were with her.

 

I pity you for not being able to know the difference between sex and love. I pity you for not having any idea what real passion or love are. I pity you for not being able to recognise or value goodness in people.

 

I regret putting my emotional needs in a box and burying them in order to stay in my relationship with you. I was intensely lonely most of the time. But I take responsibility for it. I did it to myself.

 

The night you assaulted me was the most frightening night of my life. When you shook me, threw me on the floor, dragged me along the ground and shouted at me to kill myself and called me an effing b****, I thought my world had ended. I regret not going to the police, but I didn't because I was afraid of you and your family.

 

I regret that you are incapable of understanding how much hurt you have caused me. My life will never be the same because of what you have done.

 

I am sorry that you don't know the meaning of the word 'love.' When you sent me that email on Christmas Eve, revealing the second wave of your lies and manipulation, I realised that on your lips the word 'love' is an obscenity.

 

I used to think (along with other people) that you suffered from Asperger's Syndrome. Now I think you are a psychopath. Your emotions are shallow, you lack all empathy, you lie without a flicker, you deceive and abuse without remorse, you are coldly egotistical and narcissistic, you are highly manipulative, you are nerveless, you are arrogant and contemptuous of other people.

 

You betrayed everything that I had so carefully built up around us for so long. You betrayed all of the good feelings, the humour, the shared goals. You made me feel our life together, which I had so valued, had been a worthless lie. You tore my dreams away from me. You destroyed my innocence.

 

I am beginning to be relieved that you are out of my life for good. The strain of living up to your standards was too much. That's why I was so depressed and anxious for so long.

 

I thought, in February, that you WANTED me to kill myself, why else would you have inflicted so much pain on me? It would have been proof that I'm the crazy one, and proof that you are the kind of man that a woman is prepared to commit suicide over. I don't want to believe you are this evil or this cold, but I honestly suspect you are.

 

I suspect you harbour thoughts that someday we can meet and talk again and I will think well of you. This proves how totally lacking in insight or empathy you are.

 

I will teach you the meaning of the word 'never.'

 

I never want to see you again, nor hear your voice, nor hear your name mentioned.

 

You told me that you will think of me as you lie dying. I hope when I die that you don't cross my mind.

[ryan250]

You're an immature, selfish * * * * *.

[pigeon.egg]

Even after all this time, you are on my mind every single day.

 

I wish I could forget you like you have forgotten me.

[Aschleigh]

The sad part is that there were no good options. I love you so much, more than you understand but I couldn't accept the behavior. I felt terrible being lied to, wondering if you were seeing women behind my back, asking for honesty and attention and not getting it. I wanted so much for us to deal with these things openly. I had no choice but to honor myself and not let you hurt me anymore.

I am so angry. But mostly sad that what could have been will not be.

[devast]

If you'd ever think of coming back to me...

 

I hope you don't say...

 

"I am sorry, I just got confused and wanted to know how much I love you and how much would I really loose if you're not with me and I can only do that, if I try being away from you and go out on a date with other guys...Now I know I love you and I can't be witout you"

 

I hope you don't say or realize this one day... why? because it would rather mean to me....

 

Yeah... that's a good point and its logical.. Knowing you're intelligent..Alright, I give you that.... Coz its the same thing as saying "you'll never know the beauty of an island, if you haven't left its shore and see what other islands look like".... Good point...

 

But this is freaking intimate relationship we are talking about... and your point would rhyme with "I don't know really if you have a really huge c**k, if I haven't seen other's c**k, So I went out to see for comparison... And now I know that's quite acceptable coz you can use it f***g well!!!"...

 

Don't ever say... whatever you realize one day... coz it will just sound stupid to me..

[BigSyke]

Have the test results from Dr. Abduls office arrived? oh whats this? you have teh HIV?

[Aschleigh]

This is not about you anymore. It is about me again. I want to be really happy, really honest, really alive. I am more alive today than I was with you. I have me back.

[BigSyke]

yea all these comments are nice and fluffy, but if you think about it, these kinda of bunny rabit sentances is a huge turn off for the other party.

 

Im sorry, but the other party isnt all about the roses and fresh minty seahorses floating around in the universe of love. And if somebody was always saying things like "I want you to be happy, but im gonna start working on myself now" I would probably giggle and say "grow up, do you have anything productive to do with your life?"

 

Sorry to be harsh, but I've learned the hard way in relationships. That huge puppy and hello kitty ilovepinkthings will only drive the other person away. Once you guys get over everything you will agree, the world is harsh. If it wasn't you wouldnt be on this website in the 1st place.

 

I personally would keep things on my side of the court and maybe say things like "I would like to punch my phone right now for accepting your call, do you have my money?" Keep things funny, and promote yourself, not your emotional distress

 

 

[edit] What i mean about all this is, Everytime I start talking about the relationship, or anything RELATED with an EX, things go WAY downhill. Either talk about real life thigns, or pretend they dont exist.

[Aschleigh]

Is not a real life thing to realize I am much happier now that I am out of a crappy relationship than I was in it?

besides I write things here so I don't have to tell him anything. I don't want to share this stuff with him anymore.

[BigSyke]

Is not a real life thing to realize I am much happier now that I am out of a crappy relationship than I was in it?

besides I write things here so I don't have to tell him anything. I don't want to share this stuff with him anymore.

 

 

That's a good thing. Im just saying the mentality of being depressed is what holds up down. Most people decide to keep dragging the depression and sorrow much longer than needed.

[Aschleigh]

I'm not depressed. It takes people different amounts of time to totally work through their past relationships. I tend to go all the way into something , so it takes a while to get all the way out. I may be angry or sad sometimes. But I'm not depressed anymore. I have a much sharper focus on what I need and what now than I did before.

[BigSyke]

At least your on track. Alot of people I know arent that organized. They dont understand that the weak end up losing; and it takes time to figure that out.

[Aschleigh]

We are all weak sometimes. We all have the potential to be strong. We are just human. Flawed humans. I know I have so much strength but this past relationship just drained me. I am getting my strength back day by day. Planning for the future, going back to school, meeting new people.

Let's give everyone the benefit of the doubt and say they are trying the best that they can right now. And it's ok to make mistakes.

[BigSyke]

true, im just saying I was in the same spot, if not worse. I was tortured for years. But then I just decided to be the coolest guy in the world,

 

Kinda like lying so much, that you actually believe your lies. But only this is for your own good, and it works. Now Im hoping my ex doesnt even call, because it could tie the line up, and some other chick might get a busy signal. -we got back together 3 weeks ago, broke up 3 days ago.

[Aschleigh]

I tend to think I am the "coolest" when I am just being me. I don't want to pretend anymore. I don't want to be with someone I feel like I have to pretend with. It's a bad sign for me when you feel fake around your suppossed beloved.

I think I will find the relationship where we can just be ourselves, flaws and all.

I think it's better now that the ex doesn't call. He didn't really have anything to say anyway.

[BigSyke]

when I say pretending, I mean retaining an ULTRA positive attitude. Having a crazy off the wall positive attitude, means your fun to be around, and pretty soon life will take control, instead of your negative emotions. If your moping around your only wasting your time.

 

and im sure your pretty chill, just make sure your always smiling and being happy.

 

Oh and my ex's only call to complain about their current BF's, I just cut them mid sentance - "I like lamborghinis"

 

or my favorite, which is so filled with flavor, I cut them mid/mid rear sentance, maybe even the first 3 seconds into a boring paragraph - "Bro, seriously did you hear about those chicks I boinked? wait I think I left one in the bathroom-click......"

 

boom! thats it, you had fun, feel great and probably end up cracking open a beer and watching the rest of The Departed.

[Aschleigh]

well respectively I think I will take another approach.

I will not talk to my ex at all, like I said , he doesn't have a lot to say.

And I will be myself, mostly positive, sometimes not , and hope that someday I attract someone who genuinely loves me. I don't need a guy who is always positive.

[sentencedtoagony]

on a long enough timeline the survival rate for any relationship drops to zero.

[Wimpy]

"....2 years down the line I realise you were never the person I believed you to be and I'll never understand how you could end things the way you did and still think I'd want to come and visit you. Everything I ever did or said was purely because I loved you. I wish now I'd read the signs better and realised you were never as into me as you made out. I still can't decide whether or not I'd walk past you and say nothing if I had the time over again"

[BigSyke]

Im gonna pull this one tonight when she calls for sex again;

 

umm yea, I kinda have a date tonight with my e-girlfriend, her name is link removed, have you heard? were in love"

[bear12]

M-

 

You have hurt me in so many ways- I cannot even begin to explain them all and even if I did, you’d refuse to believe it’s true and blame me instead. Stop making me promises you can’t keep. Stop telling me you won’t be in a relationship “even remotely serious” until you move back home in two years and then be in one two months later…. Don’t tell me “I’ll be here for you as long as you need me” while you’re secretly starting to date someone new! Don’t tell me you can’t wait to see me over spring break and then decide to jump into a new relationship instead…or promise that you won’t advertise your new relationship on facebook and then go ahead and do it. DON’T F-ing F--- WITH ME! And now, don’t tell me your relationship “won’t be an issue" next fall if it is- if she’s moving with you or if you’re making the distance work or marrying the girl. Just don’t. You always do what’s best for you and think what’s best for you is best for everyone. What about what’s best for me? If you really loved me, you would have loved me enough to not lie to me, to compromise, to sometimes do things you didn’t want to do.

 

I need to cut you out of my life. I know I do. It hurts to hear your voice or see your face or know that you sleep with someone else at night. I love you, M. I loved you with all my heart and soul and I wanted to be with you. I didn’t care that you weren’t close with your family or that we had different friends or tastes in things. I loved you. I loved your mind, your body, your spirit… I loved the look in your eyes when you looked at me- the way you brushed my hair back when you kissed me. And I know you loved me too. You told me you did- and I could see it and feel it. Things got crappy when you moved away, but you emotionally distanced yourself. It wasn’t fair… Again you made a promise you couldn’t keep- not to pull away. I wasn’t always happy either, it’s true, but it was all freaking circumstantial. We could have been happy, M, and yeah, I know I need to move on, but da-_ed right I’m still upset and jealous and angry and sad. You had never been happier you said. Was that a lie, too? Was it? Why else did we end up like this?

 

You don’t care to talk about the past… the past is the past… well I don’t see it that way. I need to understand my past to understand my future and I guess right now I’ll just chalk you up to being an immature, selfish, lying A-- HOLE b/c I have never felt so stupid, used, manipulated and lied to in my life… and I hate that despite it all, despite my better judgment, despite what other people say, despite what my brain tells me, my heart is completely and forever yours. F--- YOU.

[devast]

who do you think you are?

 

a celebrity? an actress? someone popular? a saint?

 

You always think about your image.... face value...

 

I don't care, how shameful you felt getting the money other people owes you... or how much guts you took to borrow money or ask for help from another person...

 

Why would you expect me to consider the shame you have to overcome?

 

I don't care anything about you anymore... I have a life now... I am doing well...

 

You can't call me to ask the money I owe you and send it as soon as you hang up the phone.... Why would I panic about it anyway? You didn't even ask first about the possibility of doing it soon....

 

You have to wait for tomorrow.. I am busy...when I have the time, I will send it... I won't be running away with just a few thousands...

 

If its millions... you should worry... hahahaha...