Humor And Charm: The Ultimate Weapon

[Lady Bugg]

I just wanted to throw in a suggestion in this section of the forum.

After reading lots and lots of posts from people who are down and out...depressed, hurt, upset, vengeful.........looking for a remedy

to get back together with their ex.......one I have YET to see is someone who uses humor as a way to "woo" their ex back.

 

Yes, poetry is nice, so are long love letters......but one think that ALWAYS

gets me is someone who not only makes ME laugh..but who laughs at themselves. I will avoid seriousness like the plague. WHY? Because it does NOT lift my spirits OR my mood...not endear me to it...so why would I seek out the company of someone who is only there to remind me of how I "wronged" them or hurt them?? I am all for fixing problems that caused a relationship to fall apart....ONCE we are back together..but NOT before then.

 

 

Is it possible to use humor to get someone interested in you again?? SURE!

How did you get together in the first place? You likely played up your funny side, and downplayed your serious one. EVERYONE wants to be around someone who makes them happy...or laugh.

 

Some time ago, I sent someone I had a falling out with a quick email.....it said:

 

Do you still like me?

Yes or NO......Check the Box....Yes(_) NO(_) or MAYBE!!!! (_)

 

This was juvenile...BUT it made light of the situation..AND made them laugh. Guess what? It worked.

 

So the message here...is lighten up.

I also stress doing this AFTER a cooling down period...or some time

with no contact. You don;t want the person thinking you don't respect their space.....just wait it out for a bit.

 

Anyway..thats my two cents...

[ILovePasta]

This of course is excellent advice, however....

 

when people are trying to get their ex's back, they generally are not in the most humorous of moods... it's incredibely hard to be, and rightfully so.

 

Not being negative at all, just pointing out the difficulty in making jokes to someone who broke your heart.

[melrich]

So you are saying that instead of "no contact" we should be advising dumpees to tell a couple of good jokes?

[InLoveAndWaiting]

Good post, you are right about that. I am at a point with my ex where I don't know what to do. Maybe you can read my original post and let me know what you think, from a woman's perspective, I would appreciate it. We started talking again recently and she was calling me everyday, now I haven't heard from her in 2 days. What do you think?

 

 

[melrich]

So you are saying that instead of "no contact" we should be advising dumpees to tell a couple of good jokes?

 

LB I hope you know that was an attempt at humor!!

 

I agree with you. More from the point of view is that most pining dumpees walk around with their jaw on the ground. They are misery guts and that can be one of the reasons their exes do not want to be near them.

 

Lightening up, being entertaining is far more attractive.

[Dilly]

Totally agree Lady Bugg. Great post! Like candy (throw-caution-to-the-wind-based-humor and -charm) rather than hard-to-swallow pills (guilt trips and last-ditch efforts).

[Lady Bugg]

Hey guys..........haha Melrich..funny funny

 

Of course I HOPE you guys KNOW I don't mean you should start cracking jokes the minute after your breakup!!! I mean give it some time......let things cool off.

 

If and WHEN you DO contact them...don't dredge up the past....and if you do keep it to a minimum. If possible...let THEM bring it up if and when THEY want to. Keep it light. Talk about funny movies....etc. One thing my brother is good at doing is mimicking funny movie lines..........and his timing is perfect...it always makes me laugh, regardless of how crappy I feel. So doing something like that is a good tension breaker.

 

Hope this makes sense

[Dilly]

Yes it makes total sense. I find that those who have the skill of carrying off humor and charm are usually less likely to be the dumpees anyway! I mean it takes a LOT of confidence to be humorous and charming and confidence is one rare trait that can dissuade partners from the dumping deed.

[Lady Bugg]

I think the ability to be humorous OR charming in the face of rejection...or pain, is DEFINETELY a rare quality...but one that can be honed if done properly.

[Belgian girl]

I agree that it's also a way to make it more easy to start making contact but for me it feels very contradictory, I mean, when I would see the other making jokes I would think that he/she doesn't have/had deep feelings and it would confuse me, I guess or about doing it myself.. I would be afraid the other thinks I moved on and that I'm over it

[lowerthanlow]

that's awesome advice..especially if you were charming and humorous during the honeymoon stage. i really think that the cooling off period is necessary and i think it would only work in a certain kind of breakup. infedelity? claiming out of love? i am not so sure. but i def. think it's great for those relationships where work, time, distance was in the way. like it alot...i am going to use it on this last one, heh.

[papalazarou]

Good advice lady bug. I think this can be dovetailed with NC.

 

NC is for the healing. WHEN you are healed if you want to make contact with the ex or they make contact with you thern you can be ENTERTAINING. As you were when you first met.

 

Nice avatar if thats you!

[futychick]

Good point Lady Bug.

 

I agree it should be done after some time has elapsed ..and also when you feel your ex might be receptive...

 

I have done this recently myself...I felt a * * * * * of hope with my husband..altho he did leave me becos of his depression...so every situation is differnet

 

I literally ' put on an act'..I was happy, bouncy, full of beans, joking around...etc like we did when we first met...EVEN THOUGH...I felt terrible inside...depressed..wheepy all the time...BUT didnt let him see this..

 

I started smiling all the time at him....even though my heart was breaking....he must have thought I was crackers !!!!

 

BUT lately he has started smiling too..and joking and laughing and for the 1st time in months I have seen the real him creeping back...

 

we have gone from hardly any contact to now seeing each other twice a week....he said to me that he enjoys himself so much when he with me....that he wants to see me again....it takes him away from the times he is down and sad...

 

if you keep smiling at someone they will eventually smile back...they might think you are weird at 1st but smiling is infectious...and you will get a response....!!!!

I know its hard to laugh when your heart is breaking....but I pretend I am acting for a film...weird I know...but otherwise I couldnt do it....

it isnt easy...I know when I leave my husband after a date..I cry in the car when he has gone...

 

good luck to you all....and remember if you ever see me getting an Oscar for my eforts remember where you 1st met me !!!!! LOL

 

futy xxx

[Biffy]

Interesting theory.

 

Without blowing my own trumpett, if there was one overriding positive about me it would be my sense of humour. My ex dumped just over 2 months ago. I at first begged, pleaded and sulked - VERY attractive. Now that the dust has settled she contacts me all the time and I'm my usual self and am always upbeat and funny when I do hear from her but in very small doses, always "understaying my welcome" as superdave puts it. It makes her contact me more and more. Why is she relentlessly contacting me? What's her motivation? I don't know but I'm guarding my heart so to speak, not allowing it to get to me.

 

If she comes back to me she comes back, if not I'm moving on nicely.

[keefy1972]

OUTSTANDING POST LADY BUGG!! This is the dawning of a new era in the No Contact era. Stage one is complete and total no contact so as to allow some healing on your part, and the fading of bad memories of you on their part. Stage two is to make a comeback like Jim Carrey. But the question is: can you do it? "As a matter of fact I can cubbbbby!!"

 

I agree wholeheartedly, nothing fans the flames of love and desire like some consistent, well-timed humor. Laughter makes us feel good. We associate those good feelings with the ones that cause them. Beautiful.

[THEREALDEAL95]

I agree with this that humor helps alot. Thats pretty much why me an my ex got together in the first place. I was so upset after we broke up and i was real serious and she got sick of me.I then went to no contact for a month to get over the shock. Now she has started messaging me again and I always say really stupid funny stuff to her and she has continued to message me. We always had a real fun realtionship 2 always laughing at each other.

[bambina maxima]

Here, here. Humor is a good solution to almost any situation.

 

Oooooh, I have so many humor quotes. My favorite thing to collect. No matter how down you are, read some David Sedaris and life looks awfully doable again. I also recommend a book called "here speeching american" which has some hilariously bad use of english. I don't know why, but reading signs that say things like "No Smorking" or "The Door Is Out Of Work" just put me over the edge.

 

Drew Carrey:

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

 

I have lots more if anyone wants'm.

[daviepants]

I wrote my ex several poems to no avail. Granted, this was right after we broke up; I'll keep the advice in mind!

[settinuplife]

Has anyone felt like they have lost their sense of humor around their ex after they have broken up? Say maybe you had a sense of humor at the beginning of the relationship, but now that your ex's you can't seem to think of anything funny to say like you did in the beginning? Wonder why.....?

[daviepants]

Has anyone felt like they have lost their sense of humor around their ex after they have broken up? Say maybe you had a sense of humor at the beginning of the relationship, but now that your ex's you can't seem to think of anything funny to say like you did in the beginning? Wonder why.....?

 

We just broke up.. and I try to be funny and cute.. it's just that she's non-receptive.. she found me hilarious in the past, now she doesn't even smirk.

[papalazarou]

Has anyone felt like they have lost their sense of humor around their ex after they have broken up? Say maybe you had a sense of humor at the beginning of the relationship, but now that your ex's you can't seem to think of anything funny to say like you did in the beginning? Wonder why.....?

 

Dunno about after the break up but certainly during the relationship. Now I have my sense of humour back.

 

Weird huh?

[audiocrave]

same here... i always make her laugh when we were still together. hope i can heal soon. I wanna be the guy who used to make her laugh when i try to woo her back again...