Would you be honest with your friend and tell them if you thought they were too fat?

[renaissancewoman101]

Question for you all. If you had a friend that gained a lot of weight in a span of a few months and didnt look so good, would you point it out to that friend, esp if the friend didnt notice it themselve?

 

Yeah, I am having one of those negative recrimination threads about my weight. I am disgusted with my weight and I can feel other teachers looking at me. I think everybody stares at me when I get chunky. I exercise and weight dont go down.

 

My friends tell me that I look fine, but I dont believe them anymore, esp if people are repelled by me. The holidays are coming. Stress levels go up and I eat more.

 

I've noticed that when I am worried about things like school, people, Mother, etc., I tend to go hunting for places that sell cakes. Yes, I eat cake and candy when I am nervous.

 

Me, the blimp.

[melrich]

I would tell them if it was obvious it was affecting their health and/or enjoyment of life, in the same way as I would tell them to get a cancerous looking mole checked out.

[NKP]

I would say they look good.Everybody looks good no matter what size or shape they are.

 

And if that is you in your Avatar, you look great you really do.

 

cakes and candy who doesnt love em, i know i love em, cant imange my life with out them. You only live life once so enjoy yourself eat what you want and your friends wont be thinking you look gross they will be think wow she looking good today, dont be so down on yourself, learn to love yourself just the way you are

[Caterina]

To me, weight doesn't matter that much. If I thought she should be healthier, I'd say, "Sure, you could lose a little, but you're still attractive and you have a lot of great qualities. How about we go to the gym together?" It would probably let her know that she should be a little disciplined but that I accept her no matter what. I don't lie, though.

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, that's me in the avatar. I just feel fat lately and think people are looking at me funny. I also think I am unattractive to people and will end up losing friends that way.

 

I want to be attractive to someone. I want to reattract someone. I want someone to be in my life.

 

I am so danged lonely and being chunky doesnt help at all.

[insofar]

If you lose friends because you're unattractive, they weren't good friends to begin with. And I agree with the above, you do look attractive based on your avatar.

 

That said, if you are overweight (which you can verify by checking a link removed) and you want to lose weight, you can adjust your diet and exercise. I wouldn't be the best person to ask about that, though.

[NKP]

Yes, that's me in the avatar. I just feel fat lately and think people are looking at me funny. I also think I am unattractive to people and will end up losing friends that way.

 

I want to be attractive to someone. I want to reattract someone. I want someone to be in my life.

 

I am so danged lonely and being chunky doesnt help at all.

 

You are attractive just the way you are, alot of men would find you sexy, beautiful, just the way you are. Friends dont care how there friends look they will always be beside there side no matter what.

 

You will get someone, it just takes time, you will find the man of your dreams when you least exspecting it

[Lady Bugg]

RW.....I would be honest with someone about their weight....IF they asked me, but I certainly wouldn't blurt it out to them. That's simply rude and insensitive.

 

I have seen a lot of post from you of late REALLY being down on yourself.

You have a LOT of GREAT qualities RW..and you REALLY should give yourself more credit. If I wasn't someone who cared I wouldn;t say anything....but seeing you like this is grating on my nerves. Moaning and moping does NOT change a thing.....does it?? You think you have a weight problem?? Then do something about it. Me telling you, or 15 people on this site telling you is NOT going to make an iota of difference. YOU are the one who has to take the bull by the horns and make these changes.

 

I am NOT trying to be hurtful............I am saying what you need to hear. You don;t need to be coddled...you are an adult with many things to offer. The key is just DOING IT. You see you need to lose weight....what do you do?? Simple...You formulate an exercise and diet plan and work on it.

At the end of the day........YOU have to live with yourself. NO ONE ELSE.

Worrying about other peoples opinions is ONLY going to cause you MORE anxiety.....so you need to learn to NOT care what other poeple think.

 

 

RW..........we do care about you here. We want to see you do well and succeed. It's mind over matter. Like the Nike ad says...JUST DO IT!!!!!

[Grokker]

RW: Ok, first of all, stop right there with the "blimp" stuff.

 

Now. Speaking as a guy, can I tell you objectively that you're a physically attractive person?

 

The honest answer is, I just don't know. The personality coming through in the posts I've read of yours...that of a warm, intelligent and caring person, makes me consider you to be attractive anyway. Heck, if we knew each other in the real world I'd ask you out in a minute no matter how much you weighed.

 

From a purely physical point of view, my tastes do run to average to plus body types, which may not be typical of men. However, by no means would I consider you "fat" or anywhere close to it. I think physical attraction has a lot more to do with the attitude... the way you carry your weight is vastly more important than what the scale might tell you. And from your picture, you carry it very well. Besides which you have a cute smile, nice hair... I can't imagine it'd be difficult for you to find a guy who really deserved to be with you.

 

As to your question... as Ladybugg says, I'd be honest if someone I knew and trusted asked me for my opinion. However, unless they'd actually had a close call with something life-threatening such as a heart attack or something, I'd never volunteer the opinion that they needed to lose weight.

[Helen67]

Blimp my A**!!

 

I think it's so sad when a person of your qualities in sooo many ways, feel so bad about themselves, and down in life.

 

I have read posts you have written, and your intelligence and kindness and regard for others, makes always for a pleasurable read.

All I can say is I lost 20 kg, don't know what it is in pounds, you're the clever one you can work it out..ha ha, anyway, yes I did feel better about myself, I found more confidence...BUT I still have many self esteem issues, about my b/f, career, future and it didn't make me more intelligent!!!

 

Oh deary me, I'm blabbering, all I wanted to say is go for it, lose some weight if that's what will make you happy, for me I think you're perfect how you are, both on the inside and out...Although, if you were to offer me a portion of your boobs, I would willingly accept, cos I've only got two satsumas!

 

Keep your chin up gal......Helen x

[strwberryshortcke]

I am so honest with my friends, that sometimes it hurts, well them at least...

 

I am a brutally honest person and I don't hold nothing back...especially when it comes to my opionons/views/jugdements. Needless to say, I have a very good friend in your position and she hears it always from me, and asks me to 'help her' to get back on track. Though she makes my job hard when she goes and buy's poutine for lunch...like a week's worth!

 

But yes, I would and I do and I expect the same from my firends when I ask them questions about myself, that's what friends are for, to tell you all your flaws and not-so-nice qualities...

 

However, all sarcasim aside...I think it's important that friends tell you the truth...even though you don't want to hear, it shows they care.

[Batya33]

What happened to your decisions to eat healthy and exercise? If I were close friends with someone I might tell them if they asked that I agreed they had put on some weight but I would talk about it as a health issue not a cosmetic issue and try to elicit from my friend how she felt she could be handle it or change it if need be.

 

I do not think a friend's job or anyone's job is to be "brutally honest" - I believe that a true friend balances honesty with tact, caring and timing - that is, sharing information in accordance with when the person is capable of hearing it and withholding information - or telling white lies - if necessary to save the person's feelings (which also happens to be an obligation of my religion, too). It is not easy to do this at all - much easier just to blurt out whatever is on your mind, no matter whether it is effective, or sounds controlling or is tactless/unnecesarily hurtful.

 

Those friends, in my opinion, are basically just acting in their own interests of wanting to put you in your place and not wanting to put in the effort of combining honest with caring and tact (which is a big effort sometimes, but essential to a healthy and good friendship I believe). Typically they also like the feeling of power that they have over you - that is not friendship, just a power trip.

 

I also don't want to be someone's mother and tell them what to do about their bodies such that I am in the position of having to monitor what they do going forward. Rather, to me, my job as a friend is to support her in making her own decisions independently, and encouraging her to do that so that she doesn't need someone monitoring her behavior and also so she is accountable for her own decisions.

 

When I ask someone to tell me what to do - when I am feeling needy - one of the best things a friend can do for me is encourage me to tell her what I want, and what I want to do, and why - be there while I think out loud and come to my own conclusions so that the resulting decision is mine and not my friend's which makes me own the decision and be accountable for my behavior.

 

I would be careful of the people who say "Listen - I'm going to tell you what to do! You're fat and you know it so stop eating so mucn and exercise more - I will call you every day and make sure you're eating right, ok! " Try to find those people who are willing to explore with you how you feel you can best tackle the weight issue and who agree that you can call them if you are tempted to binge or call them if you want to take a walk or go to the gym. That's a true friend, in my opinion.

[Batya33]

I don't believe in giving unsolicited advice or telling someone something he or she already knows. That's not being "honest" it's being tactless and patronizing.

[Portage]

I don't believe in giving unsolicited advice or telling someone something he or she already knows. That's not being "honest" it's being tactless and patronizing.

 

I second the motion. People know what they need to do or not do. Having someone beat them down will just make them turn in the other direction out of spite. Live and let live.