Got any words for me?

[AdriSnow]

Hey I need some help with how I should approach my ex. To get an idea of our past we dated for 8 months or so. he was in his words "crazy about me". We broke up do to complications with the law.We kept haveing sex for the next 4 months. During this time he would still get mad if he saw me with other dudes but, demanded he didn't want a girlfriend . He told me he loved me and told my mom he wanted me to get pregnant so I could live with him and he could take care of me then would not speak to me for a week. i spoke about him with people that knew him they lied and told him I said things I didn't .So he stopped speaking to me, he cut me off because what they said. Next I called one of his jobs told them he smokes and he quit himself.

 

I don't know why I did that (I wish I didn't) because I love him .Now The first time in a month i seen him at the gym. This is what I need help with!. I went to the gym we saw eacother but, didn't speak. He kept going to which ever part of the gym I was in.(which was odd because I thought he hated me) I noticed I went on abs he did abs So on. then he started kicking the bag and While I was stretching. The next day someone from the gym called, who seen my ex and I. He said I noticed your friend was there and kept drifiting to whichever part of the gym you where in and.. He had his stuff to leave and turned around when he saw you and startded kicking the bag. With that said I have a strong urge to contact him with and apology and to tell him I still love him or somthing.!!!! Anyone know what to say to him or anything at all. I want to call him or email. Does anyone have words to maybe ease his pain or hatred toward me. Or to calm a man down. Thanks so much.

[annie24]

have you told your parents about this man? If i remember your story correctly, you were underage and he is a married man older than you?

[nadine_3110]

Wow, this doesn't sound like the ideal relationship to me. But I guess you can find love everywhere. If what Annie said is correct and he's married, BACK OFF! Even if he's not happy in his relationship. This is kinda scary to me, isn't there ppl your own age that you could get with. I'm sorry if I sound judgmental, it's just that this sounds really out there to me, really wrong. So I think it would be right to only date him if he's single, not married. So if he is now single and you want to contact him, and you FOR SURE for sure LOVE him, then I guess you could call him up and tell him you want to meet with him for coffee or soft drinks or something. Don't just have sex with him, try to find out if he really loves you, or he only wants a hot younger girl to hook up with. Good luck! Sorry again if I sound harsh, it's just odd to me.

[annie24]

ok, now I don't remember if he is married, but I remember you said he is 28, and you are 17, and he has tried to intimidate you in the past and said some horrible things. he sounds awful and I am sorry your mom didn't do more to stop him.

 

can you talk to a therapist?

[AdriSnow]

HEy He isn't Married. If he was it would be to me .. silly.. Now My mother wants be to see a therapist But, I have become a drifter between my moms my grandma's and my dads house. I have no home now I just go where ever. Sad... Thanks for the idea to call and ask him to coffee or somthing. thereforeeee we can get closure and understand where we are and or/ how to not see eachother. I am debating whether to call or write an email. I get real nervis and clumsy where I am near or try to call him so. From an Adult !! please Call ? or email?? Or just show up at his door and ask to speak with him? help

[annie24]

this is what you wrote on a previous thread.

 

NO do NOT get coffee with this man. do not go near him.

[rose2summer]

This guy is dangerous, you need to stay away from him and protect yourself.

 

He beat you, he showed naked pictures of you to others, raped you, and the list goes on.

 

You were upset so you called his work and told them he smokes weed and what not and told people at parties about him.

 

I think you are terrified of him so you are seeking ways to get out of the situation.

 

Did you make a police report like you had mentioned in your last post?

 

Your vulnerable right now and he is going to exploit the vulnerability.

 

I think you could benefit so much from therapy, please at least give it a chance.

 

Go to link removed to receive free/confidential counseling.

 

There's hope to get out of this, and you just need to reach out for help.

 

Otherwise, who knows what he is capable of doing.

 

I agree about not having coffee with him, you should switch gyms and stay away from him.

 

He seems like a predator to abuse and assault you, and you need to arm yourself and stay distant from him.

 

Rape counseling is a great benefit, I went through it, and really liked it because you talk to a counselor who actually was raped and/or abused, so they understand what you are going through and can help you along the way.

 

Hugs, Rose

[Hope75]

Oh Honey,

 

This is really scary.

 

I think you know that this is not a good situation and that you should stay as far away from this guy as you can.

 

You know, it's been my experience that when a significantly older man goes after a very young woman, he is looking for someone whom he can control and dominate. The fact that not only does he think dating a 17 year old is OK, but that he hit you, and also has naked pictures of you as a child, is all very disturbing.

 

I would NOT go anywhere near this man. Be smart and take care of yourself. He is NOT a good person to be around.

[Scout]

Hi, AdriSnow...I've followed some of your threads, and remain so hopeful that you will give therapy a try. You've been through so much in your young life, and I'm afraid if you don't get some professional help to sort through it all, things are going to really spiral out of control for you. Which would be a real shame, because you have the promise of a bright future ahead of you, if you're willing to do a little necessary work first to pave the way.

 

You seem like such a good person, but one who has obviously had major trauma happen, and I would hate for that trauma to determine your future. You deserve to live a good, happy life. One where you are not victimized.

 

And speaking of that...and I know you don't want to hear this right now...but sweetie, I am so afraid of you having anything else to do with your ex. As a 37 year old with a lot more experience than you have (and I don't mean to "talk down" to you), I can see very clearly that he took terrible advantage of your youth. I know in your heart you realize some of this to a certain degree, but you're also trying to talk yourself out of believing it. That's understandable, given your past, because it's a defense mechanism to not have to see the unpleasant reality of a situation.

 

Won't you please go to therapy as your mom suggested? For her? For me?? (LOL). But most importantly...for you, hon.

 

Give it a real try. At least a few sessions. And I strongly suggest you see a female therapist. Because of your past, I think you would be uncomfortable talking to a male therapist, at least right now.

 

Please, please, please. Although I don't know you in real life, I can't remember when I've felt such concern for an eNotalone poster. You're a good kid, and I want to see you feeling terrific about yourself again.

 

Also, you can private message me anytime. I mean that!!!

[BellaDonna]

This man is very dangerous to you. Do not contact him. You are better off without him. I know you do not realize that right now because emotions are involved, but with time you will see this situation for what it is. This is very unhealthy.

 

He told me he loved me and told my mom he wanted me to get pregnant so I could live with him and he could take care of me then would not speak to me for a week.

 

This would be the worst possible situation to bring a child into. What did your mother say to him when he made that statement? Getting pregnant is NOT the answer.

 

I think if you talked to a counselor, it would really help you out. Sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to who is objective, instead of discussing things with friends or family. I think you should really consider it. You should not let someone treat you this badly. Counseling might give you the strength to overcome this situation.

 

BellaDonna

[AdriSnow]

Thank you all for the consern. I can't wait to get over the entire situation and look back and laugh at how silly I was being. I wish it where today I'd be healed and everyone else.

[Scout]

Thank you all for the consern. I can't wait to get over the entire situation and look back and laugh at how silly I was being. I wish it where today I'd be healed and everyone else.

 

And that day will come...if you commit yourself to getting there. It's not so much that you're being silly, either. But some very traumatic things happened to you earlier on that I strongly believe have led you to this kind of unhealthy "relationship" with the 28 year old. And I think the right therapist can lead you gently down a path of self-discovery and self-empowerment. Inside you is a strong girl, you just need to let her come out.

[sonjam]

AdriSnow, I just want to add to the others advice, that I think you are such a great girl, you deserve so much more, and really you have your whole life ahead of you. You are so caught up in the emotional drama that this ex realtionship brought over you, that you cannot yet see the big opportunities and happy days that lie ahead. I promise they do. Put this whole episode behind you and move forward.