To text or not to text..

[smiles21]

Long story short, most of you know my story with the ex. I told her approximately 12 days ago that I cant fight for her, and make her fall back in love with me, she broke up with me, basically because she fell out of love and was really distant. We dated for 4 years on and off. I've held NC for 12 days.. its been HARD. And I havn't heard a peep from her. I think she checks my myspace page, but I dont want to know. I havn't looked at hers either, as I dont want to set myself back. She kept saying.. "I know in a month, or 6 months if I want to talk to you again, I know I'll have to do it, as you wont contact me.. and that scares me". Whatever the hell that means. I posted about how she stole a bunch of my friends, and now she's friends with them.. and pretty much tried to leave me out to dry per se..

 

Heres the question. Her birthday is in 13 days.. she will be 21. Do I send her an email on her birthday, or a text message that just says " I know its your special day, just wanted to wish you a happy birthday".

 

I feel like I shouldn't as it will set me back. And If I remember correctly last year we were broken up for my birthday and I dont remember hearing anything from her..

[RayKay]

I wouldn't, based on the fact it seems she is stringing you along and it will only set you back.

 

That is what that "you won't contact me...it scares me" thing is - a way to guilt you into NOT moving on which is just unacceptable and selfish on her part.

 

Not that this should be why you do it but I want to make the point that she will also notice more if you DON'T contact her on her birthday than she will if you do. But, you real reason for doing it should be you are working on moving on, and not letting her screw with your life anymore than she has.

[majord23]

Texting her will be a massive step back smiles. Don't start to convince yourself that it's a good reason to do it or that it's 'rude' not to. It's BS.

 

If your goal is to get back together with her, then no text is a more positive step than sending one. But most importantly - do it for you.

[smiles21]

Thanks you two, I really value both your opinions after reading many of your other posts. It just feels like it will throw away anything that I worked on. And sure, if we ever did get back together she would say "I cant believe you didnt even say happy birthday to me" bla bla.. etc.

 

But I remember when we got back together I asked that same question.. she said " I wanted to so bad, but couldn't" pfft. I need her to know I wont be there for her, Im not an emotional pillow.

[majord23]

I'll tell you a story (that I've told before) that may keep you strong mate.

 

Short version:

A friend of mine had her heart shattered by a guy who entered an arranged marriage within weeks of the relationship ending - she was aware that this was going to happen all along.

 

Fast forward to about 6 months ago - he got in touch with her. He was still married but wanted to commence an affair with my friend. Against my advice, she did. But fortunately she 'saw the light' and dumped him a few months later.

 

Anyway, the married ex chased and chased to the point where my friend was getting really angry at him for not respecting her wishes etc etc. Eventually he stopped calling and texting.

 

Another couple of months go by and it's her birthday - at the end of the night at her party, she says to me with a sad look on her face: "I can't believe he didn't contact me for my birthday".

 

Yep - the guy that shattered her heart but then becamse a right royal pain in the a**....she actually missed him *because* he didn't text.

The irony is that I can almost guarantee that if he *had* contacted her she would have been angry at him for not letting her go.

 

I also have little doubt that if he wasn't married and was still 'available' that she would have contacted him a few days later.

 

Sometimes silence sends a more powerful message than any words ever could.

[smiles21]

Major D I cant thank you enough.. great post.. that I will read again I'm sure when I return home from work..

[DaDancingPsych]

Sometimes silence sends a more powerful message than any words ever could.

 

There's your answer. That sums up everything I was thinking.

[vinil]

I feel like I shouldn't as it will set me back. And If I remember correctly last year we were broken up for my birthday and I dont remember hearing anything from her..

 

 

There! You said it yourself! DO NOT SEND HER ANYTHING!

[smiles21]

I wont.. she doesn't deserve it.

[evans]

Dude this is too weird, im in the exact same boat... (see my posts)

 

Me and my ex were together for 4 years... Her 21st Birthday is November 26th, i bought her a prezzie (necklace) 2 months ago with the intention of giving it to her.. after reading your replies that you have received, i will leave the prezzie in the box and forget about it...

 

I tried getting back with her for 2 months, talking/emailin/txtn/meeting up etc.. but it came to a point a few weeks ago when i realised that, she didn't want to get back with me.. So i told her not to contact me an i will not contact her, this was on the 29th oct.. since i feel great, i cant talk about her because i dont know whats she up to.. I even went out on a blind date last night, it was really really good.. Makes you realise that there are many cool and different people out there..

 

Good luck Dude

 

Ev's

[smiles21]

Wow.. that is too weird.. strange to say the least.

 

Dont give her the necklace, return it if you can and buy something for yourself. I refused to MAKE her fall back in love with me, thats something her heart will have to do. Maybe someday we will be together again, but not today. I'm coming to realize that.

[smiles21]

WEll today is day 19 NC. I just watched "The breakup", the movie.. holy crap. That was me and my ex. I wanted to text her to say "Watch.. the breakup".

 

But I knew it would only set me back. Lord knows what she's doing now.