Is it possible for ex's to be friends?

[confused25]

I'm curious to hear what the others will have to say about this. My bf and I broke it off over a week ago and it wasn't a really nasty breakup. We've broken up once before and at that time we agreed that we'd remain friends. But then we ended up getting back toether. Although the friendship thing wasn't established during our recent breakup, I still would like to remain friends with him and I'd like to think that he feels the same way too. It's just that we were such great friends while we were together and I'd hate for us to never speak to each other again. We've been on NC since the breakup so I'm not sure if this friendship thing is going to work out after all. If he was the one who broke it off . . . that means he would be the one to initiate contact first if he wants to remain friends correct? Would it be strange if I initiate contact first just to make small talks? I'm not saying that I'd like to do that right away, I would only do this after I've healed from the breakup.

[RayKay]

It CAN happen, though it is rare that it is a very strong friendship, especially once there are other partners in your lives and you move on.

 

I have remained in contact with exes, but over the years they have become more "acquaintances" then friends really.

[Dako]

I'm doing the friends thing, but I'd only recommend it for people who had a strong friendship to salvage.

 

Are you ready to sit through dinner with him while his wife tells stories?

Will you take your new guy to that dinner? Is the tension too much for a budding relationship?

 

I wonder about those things.

[musicguy]

It's possible to be friends with your ex. I know a lot of girls who are still friends with their ex's. It won't be as strong as it was back when you two had a relationship, but that shouldn't stop you from being friends with him, esp. if you've been friends before the actual relationship

[shes2smart]

For the most part, I don't keep in touch with my exes.

 

There is one exception, and I have remained friends with him since our split 15 years ago.

 

He met every guy I had a relationship with since I broke up with him. The guy I ended up marrying is the only one my ex liked. In fact, they liked each other so much that when we all lived in the same city, my husband and my ex would go do stuff together without me.

 

When my ex got married and we were all living in the same city, we would go out to dinner and socialize with them on a regular basis. The gal he married is a lot of fun and a better match for my ex than I could've ever been. They drove 2.5 hours to come to our housewarming party a few months back. He's still in touch with my family even though I haven't spoken to them for years.

 

When we first broke up 15 years ago, we didn't speak to each other for about a year. It was an odd set of circumstances that got me to talk to him again. Had those circumstances not occurred, I'm not sure I would've sought him out. In hindsight though, it's fortunate for me that it happened the way it did. He's been a truly good friend and has managed to teach me a thing or two along the way.

 

So, yes, you can be friends with an ex...but I don't think you can be friends with EVERY ex.

[BornToResist]

Yes. It definently is possible.

 

I had a bf who I loved very much. We were together for 2 years. We ended up hurting each other but I was the one who dumped him. We were young and just too immature to have that kind of commitment I guess. After all was said and done, I wanted so badly to hate him for everything that happened, and I tried to push him away, not call him, etc., but he just wouldn't let me. He'd let me yell at him and get over my pain, patiently waiting for me to let him in my life again I guess you could say.

 

We started dating other people, but every now and then there would be a random phone call from him for no other purpose but to see how I was doing, because he just cared. No other intentions.

 

He had a funny way of calling when I needed someone the most. He would let me talk about my bf's, he'd ask me "girl" questions, everything. It was strange at first and even though I didn't want to put in the effort to maintain our friendship, he stood strong and just never went away.

 

He is definently one of the best friends I have ever had and I have no doubt that our friendship will last.

[melrich]

Yes absolutely exes can be friends but I think there always has to be some space between the romance and the friendship.

[lovereality]

This thread is wonderful...I'm so glad I read this today. I'm having a difficult time continuing a friendship with an ex. But because my feelings are much stronger than his, I'm the one that needed a lot of time. I've tried to cut all ties to him and he was really upset that I felt that way. I want to get to the point of enjoying his company without "dreaming" of getting back together. He's respected the fact that it's difficult for me to move on while I still have contact with him, so he hasn't call, e-mailed, or text. It's just easier this way for me. Maybe given some time of moving on, we'll be able to rekindle a once wonderful friendship that we had years ago. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this thread. Very helpful. God Bless to all.

[scsavino]

I agree with lovereality - my ex wants to be friends. It seems so important to him-I cant imagine why. I feel like I need to cut all ties with him so I can move on and then maybe later, I will be comfortable with the friends things. I dont know. The way it ended was bad and I miss my friend. But he wasnt the person I thought he was anyway. I dont know.

[Dako]

IMHO,

To be friends, you have to tread lightly in areas that could cause misunderstandings. As a couple, communication is paramount, but as exes and friends, constant discussion of the past can be disasterous.

If you both look at the future friendship you'll have less heartburn.

 

Just 2 cents

[Tj williams]

yea its possible i mean unless she did something which doesnt deserve to be friends but me i don't know im not god or anything but i can forgive. but until your heart is sewed back up from your ex then it will be hard but if it is no problem

[krnswte143]

im goin through the same thing too now. all i can say is. give time and space. dont call,email,im, go over their house n etc. give time and move on.. and maybe in the future u could remain friends

 

thats what im doing now. he is the one who broke it up although i was planning too hehe...but he doesnt want to talk for awhile so im goin to give him all the time and space he needs. i know our relationship is over but i do believe in faith and hope. our breakup wasnt that bad.. jus didnt work out thats all.

 

so remember , time heals the pain n give him all the time he wants and maybe one day he'll contact u first to say hi n stuff.

 

 

[confused25]

Hey all!

 

Thanks for all the great responses!

 

Just some update on what has happened since my first post. My ex and I broke up almost two weeks ago. I was confused and shocked that night so I didn't really say much. So basically he came, told me what he had to say, and left. I ended up emailing him a week later to let him know everything I meant to say that night. I know not everyone will approve of the email, but to me, that was my closure . . . to get everything off my chest, so that I can move on. But trust me, it wasn't a bitter, angry or pathetic email begging him to come back, it was very well written and calm. And I told him not to respond back to the email. Fast forward a week to today . . . I got a response back from him! He was basically responding to all the things I wrote in the previous email, and then towards the end of the email he wrote some random question about something else. Since he was online at the time I read the email, I just sent him an im with the response. Anyways, we ended up having a really nice chat over aim. And he said that he really hopes that we can remain friends, maybe not now, but in the future, when we have both healed. I felt so happy and relieved when he said that! I was worried that he'd completely shut me out and never speak to me again! He also told me to give him a call if I ever needed someone to talk to. And I told him the same. My mind is at peace now . . . and even though I'm still sad about the break up, I think I am starting to feel better . . .

[lovereality]

WOW! That's great confused25!! What matters is that YOU feel better about the situation. He must be worth saving as a friend....sometimes they are. I think that's what most of us who are in this situation need to realize. Are they worth keeping as a friend? If the answer is YES, then certainly it will make you feel like it was worth it. If the answer is NO, grab a drink (kool-aid or somethin') and ice-cream with oreo's and watch ComedyHour and ....well, that's what I would do anyhow...teehee!

Happy for ya confused25.... I really am! ;-)