Would You Date Outside Your Race?

[Dako]

A

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[Caterina]

My religion forbids interfaith marriage and I only date for the purpose of seeing if there is potential for marriage. That is why I won't date anyone of a different religion, not because I am racist or bigoted. when it comes to who I choose to be friends with race, religion and ehtnicity have no relevance to my choice.

 

Race and religion are two different things. I don't often date outside of my religion either.

 

Charley, what you say is interesting because your reason, that you like people who look opposite to you, isn't bigoted. You also point out that you come from the same ethnic group that you aren't attracted to so that seems less bigoted. However, I think any type of ethnic preference/exclusion is nearing something dangerous because people usually are objectifying the people they exclude. For instance, they'll attach a social "meaning" to an ethnic group and that is why they won't choose them. Usually people's preferences are based on representations that they've created in their head. Any time an entire ethnic group is excluded, it seems to me that they are being objectified in some way, and not looked at as human beings. I think its good to question why we have preferences and even better to condition ourselves to not have any ethnic preferences.

[Spugly Fuglet]

My wife is Chines and Im a white Brit so it to late for me Im way past dateing.

 

Our kids will have one foot in two worlds, now thats cool

[Batya33]

My religion is also an ethnicity and a culture so for me it is not just a religion.

[Sheyda]

I don't even know why this is up for debate...anyone who says that they have an ethnic preference, to me, when boiled down will show themselves as being racist.

 

Can you please explain how having a preference for something makes somebody racist? Because I don't quite understand how preferring one race definitely means that a person hates all other races and feels superior to them.

[Batya33]

I disagree that having a preference when it comes to dating or serious relationships is necesarily racist. If there is that preference for friendships or who you would work with - just based on skin color or race I would be more likely to consider it racist but it would depend on the facts. There are women who prefer taller men when it comes to dating, or thin men when it comes to dating - does that make those women discriminatory against short or obese men? Dating requires physical attraction and there are bound to be physical preferences that also happen to include perhaps racial preferences.

 

For example, I typically am not attracted to men with dark skin tones, to men who are overly skinny, or to men with tattoos or long hair. For me that has nothing to do with race (many different races have dark skin tones) but just my own peculiarities of physical attraction.

[insofar]

I don't even know why this is up for debate...anyone who says that they have an ethnic preference, to me, when boiled down will show themselves as being racist. This is pretty sad since racism has caused so many tragedies...so many genocides have taken place because people thought the need to "ethnically purify" a location should happen. You aren't that far from that when you claim to prefer one race/ethnic group over another unless it has to do with religion or language/culture. People condition themselves to have certain preferences.

Stop. Think about what you're saying here. You're comparing people who think that a certain skin colour is sexy to people who would willingly wipe out an entire race. Having a preference doesn't necessarily make someone a racist. It could be because they're a racist, but you're making that assumption about everyone, and that's not fair.

 

Anyway, I'd fit in A. I'm thoroughly convinced I could fall in love with anyone if they were the right person for me, and skin colour wouldn't play into it.

[Caterina]

Yes, those women are discriminatory against short and obese men. Any time we reject someone on something that is physical, unpreventable and has little to do with character is wrong. To those women, being either short or obese probably represents some sort of defect and in their limited mindset. To go further, if they are in a relationship with a guy like that, then it means that they themselves have the same defect. How could it be anything else? So they are prejudiced, in a way, through their preferences. You don't like men with tattoos or long hair- there are some pretty conventionally accepted ideas about men who have either of those ... you probably don't want to associate with the social ideas connected to having tattoos or long hair and so have subconsciously taught yourself to have a repulsion to men with those things. Those aren't peculiarities of physical attraction...you've attached meaning to the physical characteristics that those men have and reject the meaning. Those aren't really a good example, though, when comparing it to ethnicity since people choose to do those things. People don't choose ethnicity.

I think people should question their preferences...I have my own, and I think I need to work on changing them. Its difficult to change.

[Caterina]

Stop. Think about what you're saying here. You're comparing people who think that a certain skin colour is sexy to people who would willingly wipe out an entire race. Having a preference doesn't necessarily make someone a racist. It could be because they're a racist, but you're making that assumption about everyone, and that's not fair.

 

Anyway, I'd fit in A. I'm thoroughly convinced I could fall in love with anyone if they were the right person for me, and skin colour wouldn't play into it.

 

I won't stop anything. I didn't make any comparisons. I honestly think that mental rejection is the precursor for darker and darker things. In the process of things, thoughts always preclude or ignite the action. We start with allowing a social conscious that says its okay to reject the attractiveness...the BEAUTY of one race/ethnic group and eventually the next generation takes that THOUGHT just a little further....

[Ineedtoknow06]

I am type B. I have dated white, black and latino men. I prefer black men.

[Ineedtoknow06]

I don't understand why some people have issues with me dating interracially. I have no issues seeing black, latino, asian or any other ethnicity dating another ethnicity. Although I answered B I have to clarify that ethnic background has no impact on what i am attracted to.

 

I am currently dating a man originally from east africa. when we met and started to get to know each other, his ethnicity, religion and origin has no impact on me.

as long as we are compatible and can give to one another and respect each others beliefs that is all that counts.

[bigredvick]

Caterina, this forum is about what you are attracted to, i mean i know how you can see it as being close to racism because of the wording, but its just a post to see who is attracted to who.

[Caterina]

This post is deleted.

[DN]

Moderator note: a reminder to members to keep posts respectful and on topic.

[turqoise]

B.

 

Not because of looks are prejudice...least I don`t think so. More because I find some ways of thinking easier to click with than others, and that can be based on the culture. Of course, there are always exceptions.

[turqoise]

And... I am cautious about seeing someone from a culture I`m not totally familiar with - their expectations of a relationship may be totally different. eg. In some African coutries it`s acceptable to beat your wife. In Japan, the thinking still widely exists that the wife`s place is in the kitchen, and the eldest son is expected to look after his parents in old age.

 

Just an observation that caution needs to be exercised in intercultural relationships. Because we live in an age where our world is integrating, which is awesome, but also even if we get past the surface and even if we love each other, the rules of our respective cultures and families may be wildly different at crucial points.

[Batya33]

I do not think having religious and certain physical preferences as to who I choose to marry or be involved in a serious relationship reflects any prejudices or discrimination on my part. I happen to have certain physical preferences, preferences about values (with few exceptions I would not date someone who did not have a college degree or who had long hair and/or tattoos), and preferences about levels of intelligence, as well as religion.

 

I do not care what race, gender, or ethnicity my co-workers are and I do not discriminate in my hiring or recruiting decisions or with respect to anything in the workplace. When it comes to who I want to be close personal friends with, I do not discriminate as far as race, gender, ethnicity, religion but I do have preferences as to values and education level because that affects whether we have enough in common.

 

If my preference not to date an obese man (because I fear the health consequences, not based on attraction for the most part) means that I am discriminating against obese people or "prejudiced", then I suggest you look up the definition of "discrimination" - at least with the negative connotation you have put on it, equating my decision not to date an obese man with someone else's decision not to hire an obese person just because he/she is obese.

 

At least in my country (usa) I am allowed to be friends with and date/marry anyone I want even if I choose those people based on preferences as to race, gender, ethnicity, weight, height. As I mentioned I do have religious preferences when it comes to dating because I won't marry outside of my religion. I do not have those preferences with respect to friends and I comply with all laws related to discrmination in my country (and there are many and many which impact and have impacted my life).

 

it seems to me you ignore the need for physical attraction and chemistry in a romantic relationship where, at least to me, looks matter to a certain extent (and to everyone I have ever met, looks matter to at least some degree) and thereforeeee there will be times I reject someone because I do not find that person physically appealing and I would not want to kiss that person or be intimate with that person. If that makes me "prejudiced" so be it - luckily you're the only person I've ever encountered with that curious definition of "prejudice."

so, let's agree to disagree. good luck!

[Caterina]

Agreeing to disagree sounds fine with me. I'm not trying to annoy.

[Aurian]

I would choose A, I find all races attractive. However, I add a couple of caveats here. First, I do prefer a man of my height or taller. Since I am about six feet tall, that usually means I tower over almost all Asian men. Also, I am a bit leary of some cultures. Some cultures have less equality for women or practices I disagree with.

[Beec]

I'll stick my neck out. When I was dating, I was pretty clsoe to a D. Did I consider a date with someone not of European extraction? Maybe, but not as someone I would really consider as a girlfriend. And I never went on the date. Although, I did date a woman who's mother was latino, her father was not. So, that's hardly an exception. And my preference for women of European descent was even limited to mostly Northern European. Fair women do it for me. Most of the women I have dated either freckle or just were pale.

[luvursmile]

I'd say B. im more attracted to a certain type, but if I find someone attractive, it wouldnt bother me.

[axg275]

I would only If I was attracted to them. Unfortunatelly there are very few races that I find attractive. So yes and no.

[Grokker]

Thanks everyone for the honest answers.

 

I'm actually a B myself. I entirely disagree that this has to do with "prejudice" or racism in any way. It's not *because* someone is of a specific ethnicity that I find them more or less attractive in general... it's more that there are certain features I find attractive, that happen to be more characteristic of certain ethnicities than others.

 

And I've gone outside the ethnic "type" I tend to be attracted to, many times, because I was interested in the person.

[jengh]

B, I suppose... Although it honestly makes no difference to me and I've dated men of pretty much every race, I find Arabic men EXTREMELY attractive .

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Ok it wouldn't matter a bit but as i haven't really dated anyone outside of my race i guess i'll put B.