Is it offensive to suggest to share the bill?

[PLC]

Hello everyone,

 

I started to go out with a guy. We are not really in a relation yet. Just go out to have some coffee, sort of friendship first. Is it offensive if I ask him to let me share the bill? Looking forward to hearing your opinion.

Thanks

[AzureSkyes69]

I don't think it is offensive if you offer to share the bill,in fact to me I think it is a nice gesture and polite.

I think most people would like if someone offered but that doesn't mean that the person will let you pay for half either.But I would offer to split a bill if it were me.

[sparkle1]

definitely not offensive.

 

However, if he says "no, please let me pay" then let him - they don't like it when you start an scene over the bill!

 

With the coffee why not treat one another?

 

The bigger stuff like meals etc...ask to go halfs.

 

good on you!

 

sparkle xxxx

[SW]

Go , ahead and share the bill. As a guy I dont expect it but the girl gains a lot of respect in my book when she shares the bill.

 

I think of a woman didnt even offer and expected me to pay that would be a turn off.

[rocio]

Splitting the bill over coffee is a bit silly. It's nice when you can treat him one time, and he treats you the next time.

 

For example, if he beats you to the cash, you could say "okay, but I've got it the next time".

 

Even for dinners, I find splitting the bill a bit silly and cold. On dates I would let the guy pay, but that's a different topic for a different thread. With friends, though, I would almost never split the bill because I find it cold. I would get it one time and they would get it the next.

[amtjrtcet]

On my first date with my b/f we went to dinner and had a few drinks with dinner. He went to pay and I said "Let me get the drinks." He didn't argue. And since then we take turns when we go out. Neither of us are millionaires, and we both make about the same so I think its fair

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

How about the other way round? The woman insisted on paying not half but full of the bill. What would you guys think? Would it be an insult to the guys?

[Day_Walker]

I believe that the girl should atleast make an effort to suggest that she pay her portion. Of course this means that you could end up paying but I like what it says about her personality.

[itsallgrand]

Offer. No, I'm not a man. But would you want to be with someone who was offended by you asking to pay for yourself? Yikes!

 

Depending on where the person is coming from culturally, too, a 'oh no, let me pay' may not mean that at all. Some people have this little system set up where exchange of pleasantries goes on for a few rounds - but offering and countering will be noticed! Silently allowing someone to pay without a peep speaks volumes about a person's personality, I think.

 

It would go the same the opposite way around too.

[annie24]

oh no, I don't think it's offensive at all. in general, if a guy asked me out (early on in dating), and he chose the restuarant, I'd let him pay. however, I'd probably pay for drinks or pitch in somewhere. otherwise, yeah, I do always reach for my purse, and whether or not the guy stops me is up to him. later on in dating, I try to make things 50/50. ie, he pays one time, I pay the next....

 

I know a guy who asked a girl he was dating to the most expensive restaurant in town, and then insisted she pay! she was a poor student, while he had a lot of money. ug. i think if you choose the most expensive restaurant in town, you should pay.

[itsallgrand]

I agree, Annie. And if you preface the invite with "may I take you out for a nice dinner? " or "My treat" , I'd go with the assumption that this was his/her turn to pay.

 

Once, a man asked me if I would like to go out for a meal together? I said, sure. Made sure I had enough to cover whatever place he came up with, on my half, y'know? Just in case.

We get there, order, chatting as we eat. Then he springs "ohh, by the way, I haven't got my check yet. Can you cover it if I get dessert?"

 

Loser! lol. "no, and how are you at washing dishes?"

[rocio]

Oh, also if it was a bad date and I didn't intend to see him again, then definitly split the bill. Not doing so would not only be offensive, but also mean.

[Batya33]

Some guys take this as a sign as weak or no interest (when I was dating if I was not interested I would offer and insist on paying my share so that I wouldn't feel guilty about not seeing him again). I would offer to pay the full bill if he had treated the last time as in "taking turns." If it's just coffee, well, I treat my friends to coffee all the time and they treat me.

[annie24]

yeah, and some guys take as a bad sign if you don't even 'reach' for the purse, even if it is a fake 'reach.' Remember that episode of seinfeld?

[insofar]

Splitting the bill over coffee is a bit silly. It's nice when you can treat him one time, and he treats you the next time.

 

For example, if he beats you to the cash, you could say "okay, but I've got it the next time".

Quoted for truth. I mean, there shouldn't be arguing over $5 or whatever.

 

Even for dinners, I find splitting the bill a bit silly and cold. On dates I would let the guy pay, but that's a different topic for a different thread. With friends, though, I would almost never split the bill because I find it cold. I would get it one time and they would get it the next.

Your opinion; I don't think it's a bad thing to split the bill, especially in cases of something expensive like dinner. If it was easier for me to pay, I would do so. If she had some monetary issues, I'd pay (and with my ideal match, she would do the same for me). I don't mind sharing though. One time her, next time me is fine as well. I guess what I'm saying is that I like to keep the money things light; as long as there's honesty and a willingness to help each other out when necessary, who pays really isn't that important.