Online Dating Sites: Your Experiences?

[insofar]

Hey all, I have a very general question for you guys. I've recently signed up for OKCupid and have read a few interesting profiles on there. While I'm not planning on getting together with anyone for a while due to my breakup a few weeks ago (I don't want to hurt someone with a rebound relationship), I was wondering: What are your experiences with internet dating services? Do you have any tips for using them? Any success stories? I'd especially like to hear about OKCupid, but it would be fun to hear about all such experiences.

 

BTW, I have a fairly interesting story but I'll share it later on in this thread.

[violingirl]

I have been on link removed for over a year and a half and link removed for about 9 months now and have gone on about 28 dates with about 24 men via those online sites.

 

Unfortunately, I haven't had any success establishing a relationship with someone. The furthest I've gotten with anyone is three dates. Most of the men I've met have been nice and respectful on our dates, however I think that online dating makes some men behave like kids in a candy store (and this may apply to some women as well) - they think that because there are so many choices/possibilities out there, they will probably meet someone "better" than you.

 

For example, I had fantastic first dates with several guys, the chemistry was there, the guys told me that they wanted to go out with me again and we had a great goodnight kiss, but then I would not hear from them again.

 

At this point I'm quite skeptical about online dating and I'm taking a long break from meeting anyone. It gets tiring going on first dates and asking/answering the same questions over and over. Plus, a lot of the same guys who were members when I started are still active members.

 

Sorry to sound so downbeat. I still suggest that you try. It can't hurt. Maybe you'll have better luck than me.

[annie24]

i did okcupid briefly, and did link removed and link removed for a longer time. my beef with free dating sites is that I think those people are less serious about finding a relationship. I think that if you are paying $15 or $30 a month, you can be pretty certain that those people are serious about finding a partner. I think OKCupid was more fun for the quizzes. I never met anyone through there.

 

I dated someone from eharmony for about 4 months but that didn't work out. my link removed dates never went past the second date.

 

I don't know - I think that there's all sorts of people out there online. you may as well try and see how it goes.

 

one of my friends is planning on marrying one of the very first women he met online. they are very happy together and a great couple. so, it can happen!

[sparkle1]

I think that if you are paying $15 or $30 a month, you can be pretty certain that those people are serious about finding a partner.

 

Above statement very very true.

 

OK - my experiences:

 

link removed. fantastic website. You pay - you date. My experience very happy and good. (but it is expensive)

 

I met 5 amazing men from dating direct. 1 is still a close mate of mine.

 

I think the answer is above - if the site is free you are much more likely to run into people who are on there for a laugh or to make themselves feel better....

 

The paid sites are better

 

I know 1 couple who are now happilly married from meetin on web sites!

[rose2summer]

Like the others said, the paid sites are much better, because people are more serious.

 

That said, I am not a favorite of online dating sites, as it seems some people are on there, as annie mentioned before, to get over a breakup or rapid rebounders as I like to call them.

 

Screen carefully and watch for red flags and you can have a great experience.

 

I have seen successes from online dating, but sticking to speciality sites is sometimes good, like I was on a catholic dating site, which I liked, but I did not like link removed, since people weren't up my ally. I had met my ex on the catholic site and we were together 1yr and it was an ok relationship, so they aren't all that bad.

 

Hugs, Rose

[BetterKarma]

Paid sites are definitely better. As countless of others have stated, the people on paid sites are actually serious about finding someone.

 

As for my experiences, I have only tried eharmony and it worked out pretty well. I was interested in a few guys from there but then I got back together with my ex so I had to cancel my membership.

 

However, I do have a bunch of success stores from eharmony. Two of my girl friends found their husband/fiance from eharmony and another male friend of mine is living with his match from eharmony. So, I guess eharmony works. As for link removed, I know of a woman who has been on link removed for years and still haven't found anyone. But I think the reason for that might be her. Oops...shouldn't have said that.

[dimstar]

Two years ago when i was seeking a serious relationship, I tried link removed, Friendfinder, Lemontonic and Lavalife. The only one that really worked for me was Lavalife. My motivation for using dating sites is you can find people who are looking for the same thing, love and relationship. It also helps to find people with common interests, likes, dislikes. I really only used Lavalife to send smiles and initiate a chat. Once I got a good feeling about the person, we would exchange emails and then chat outside Lavalife on MSN or the phone.

 

The last person I've meet on Lavalife I've been with for over a year. My sister just got married a few months back to someone she meet from Lavalife. And my girlfriend's sister used Lavalife to meet her boyfriend whom she is building a home and life with. I know of other success stories from dating sites as well.

[quietgrl]

I've had no luck online with men

[hislifesong]

I've been a member on EHarmony and link removed - both for 6 months or more...I've only met 1 guy from eharmony - drove to s.dakota to meet him - but he immediately wanted me to move up near him - - that was too quick. I've only "talked" over the phone to one other guy, and after that i never heard from him again!

 

link removed - i've been, as annie said above...several dates - 1st dates/1st meetings, and they haven't gone past that. However, now...I did meet one guy, and instead, it turned out that we stayed really good friends - we talk everyday! ...but last weekend, i met a guy on friday night...then we did the movie thing sunday night...and we've planned for another date on Saturday evening...strange, is that i really haven't heard much from him all this week - maybe i'm paranoid (see my post on: "girls/guys - playing hard to get" on the dating section)...but i'm hoping he doesn't cancel on me..cuz, i already like him - the sparks are definitely there (on my end anyways!).

 

I've had several people in my church (that are married now) meet thru eharmony...i met my ex husband thru link removed, 7 years ago - so, yeah, it does work.

 

I personally don't like lavalife, friendfinder, or link removed - - they all seem to attract married men/women into cheating! Also, the free dating sites, i think tend to draw more phoneys in - and people who aren't serious - however, i've met a few good ones thru link removed.

[sidehop]

link removed has the big warning about people who are married or with criminal conviction 'will' be prosecuted. That should weed out some wrong people.

 

I met my g/f through eHarmony but even with people paying for the service, there are still 'shady' individuals and people that just aren't exactly ready for anything serious. That's just based on my experience.

[annie24]

I met my g/f through eHarmony but even with people paying for the service, there are still 'shady' individuals and people that just aren't exactly ready for anything serious. That's just based on my experience.

 

oh yes, I agree! there will be shady individuals on all sites, so you just have to put up your filters.

[RayKay]

Well, I have not been back to one of those damn sites in two years......but that was only because my boyfriend and I met each other from one and did not want to look anymore We live together, and plan to be together a very, very, very long time! We met on lavalife in a rather round-a-bout way which I have written of on here before.

 

I did the online thing (I don't really call it dating, as you introduce yourself to someone online, but I never DATED online....that happened in real life!) for about 2-3 years on and off, and had overall a good experience. Met many people, some I dated a few times, had a couple longer relationships from it not including my boyfriend and it was just a supplement to meeting people elsewhere in my life too. I don't have experience with any of the free sites though, but I would say if people are paying they may be a bit more serious about it, though not necessarily.

 

I think the important things to remember are not to wrap your life around it, continue to be social in REAL life..lol...and let the expectations remain realistic. Meet people you are interested in early on before you get too involved in what you THINK they are (find out for sure who they really are in all respects) and don't take it personally if things don't work out with people you meet...you can't force things. Whether online or not.

[blemished]

I've tried Match. I think the problem on some of these sites is that it is like a candy store to men (they think of potential booty) and not a candy store to women (they think potential losers), at least IME. Men can meet as many women as they see online (or so they think), while women are often looking for the right partner. That's a volatile mix. I've met only 2 people from Match and I'm probably going to try another site next-- I did meet someone I liked from there but he seems like a player (as do many men on there).

[Batya33]

I met over 100 men in person through on line dating, corresponded briefly with hundreds. Out of the 100 I had a handful of dating experiences that lasted more than 4 or 5 dates and only a few that lasted a few months. Here are my tips.

 

1. meet in person asap after the first email, talk by phone for about 20 minutes asap after the first few emails. Extended emailing or IMing typically leads to unrealistic expecations or fake images of each other.

2. meet for something that last about an hour in a public place that is convenient for the woman.

3. get very good at screening by phone - listen for depressive or negative tones, too much talk about sex or ex boyfriends, and try to picture yourself having a conversation with the person, in person.

[Cardinal]

Batya,

 

You have far more experience than I do with online dating, so it is tough for me to question the advice to meet quick. But.....

 

I have been on link removed for over a year and a half and link removed for about 9 months now and have gone on about 28 dates with about 24 men via those online sites.

 

And no relationship (could be due to other factors than meeting quickly of course, but the fact remains 28 full dates and no success)

 

For some people, I think it may be best to take time to get to know each other pretty well before meeting. This is the strategy I plan to use. I want to talk with a woman for at least a few days or a week before meeting in person. Maybe longer. I am patient. Telephone, im, chat, whatever. I want to know what makes her tick inside and have good chance to establish rapport. It is also a good way to see how two people communicate. Many people can put it together for a good hour or so at a restaurant and show a good face. I am not so sure they could do that talking on the phone for a few hours or chatting daily on im etc, etc. I am advocating better and more thorough communication before meeting. Doesn't have to take forever, it just needs to be done. If you just meet someone based on a photo, their profile, one email and maybe 10 minutes on the phone....no wonder many people don't have a high success rate on dates. Why should you given that? I think the 'need' to date so many people in order to find a match could be essentially eliminated by getting to know them first!

 

I personally don't see the need to spend the time and money it takes to date many people by meeting in person quickly. I wouldn't make it nine months with online dating if I thought I might have to date 25 people to find a match. Seriously.

[Cardinal]

My actual experience has been short but good. I have gone on two dates. The first date I got off craigslist within one day of sending a picture and an email to a girl (I sent four emails, got 4 responses). We are still seeing each other and I couldn't be happier that we met. We talked on the phone for 3 hours the night we met. By the end of the conversation we had shared a lot with one another and knew we wanted to meet. The date went poorly in some ways. She hated the way I dressed, said I didn't really smiile much during the date. She could tell I was nervous. But that withstanding, her only concern at the time was that I might not find her cute. Why, because we knew just what to expect and we both wanted to make that night work. It wasn't experimental. We both already knew we wanted to date one another. It was just a matter of going to a reataurant and formally meeting.

 

Second date...Had a great date, she said she wanted to go on a second. We seemed to hit it off pretty well. She text messages me later that day and says she doesn't want to date me...thinks we'd be better off as platonic friends. No explanation given really. Turns out she had done that with quite a few guys. I hate to say it but that was a waste of time with little chance of success. I learned from that one. I learned that I want to get to know a woman before dating her. At least I want her to know who it is she is meeting!