looking at other women...

[dnjgardiner]

I think that it is a guy thing, but it is also very disrespectful. My husband use to do that too... until one day we were at the mall shopping and he was talking to me then suddenly he wasn't. I looked over at him and he was staring at this girl that was walking past. I said "Hey, did you get your fill!!! Are you done yet?" He turned bright red and said "I was just... uh...sorry" He don't do that anymore... not when I'm around anyway.

[benita]

My ex was addicted to porn (he has admitted it since then as he watched a documentary on tellie and realised he is addicted.. too late for me though) but thats another story.

 

I have witnessed him on many occasions stare with the eyes not even blinking for 5 min or more whilst gawking at a female and he would have the same look on his face, as he had when we were having sex. I could see that he was imagining sex with her. It used to be so very embarrassing as many times the innocent female would realise the starring and get very uncomfortable.

 

If we were out driving and a female was walking down the footpath, he would slow the car right down to check her out whilst driving, as he past her he would be turning his head to keep on watching and didnt bother about watching the road. He would then keep on looking at her in the rear vision mirror till she was out of sight.

 

If we went to a social gathering and their were teenage girls there, he would spend his time with them. He used to gawk at my teenage daughter (I am separated from my ex husband) and he used to flirt with her.

 

I have been in a car with him and one of his mates who is just as bad as him and watched them being totally engrossed in a female who wasnt even attractive looking... it was pitiful to see these 2 men in their late 40's and eary 50's gawking and saying how hot she is whilst I was with them.

 

I have come to the conclusion that some men are like that.. they dont show respect for their partner, they dont show respect for females in general.. they see us as nothing but a sex object.

 

He destroyed our relationship because of this and because he did not need me for sex.. when it was time for my turn in bed.. he had already done it with his Porn Stars as he called them.

 

I will never be with a guy again who sees females nothing more than a sex object.

 

Its normal to have just a casual glance but I will argue black and blue with anyone who thinks its okay for their guy to visually imagine sex with the girl behind the counter at the supermarket.

 

I was with this guy for 2 1/2 yrs, I know the look on his face when we are having sex and I know the look on his face so many times when he was checking someone out. His checking out was not just a casual "glance"

 

I will also add that he had been to prostitutes before me and he doesnt seem to have an issue with them. He has been with a chinese girl who couldnt speak english .... How does one have sex with someone who cant speak english?

[Celadon]

Interesting thread.

 

So here's what I want to know: When a guy looks at a woman, is that

 

1. Looking, as though he's looking at a great painting or sports car

--or --

2. Looking, as in "I'm imagining what it must be like to feel her up"?

 

I'm not talking about gawking, which is obvious what's going on in his head. I mean that 10 to 15 second "looking" that supposedly all guys do.

 

So which is it?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

You're right, EK. Some men give an initial impression of being very confident and secure, but I can still remember a time my boyfriend wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night because a girlfriend and I made some comments about a celebrity - not a real man in the real world - a celebrity. And then, there are other things that do not bother him at all.

 

Everytime my man thinks I'm looking at a guy, he starts getting all down and depressed or angry. The other day we were in biglots and some attractive hispanic guy walked by with his equally attractive girlfriend or wife. I turned around and was looking at the woman, her face was beautiful and her makeup was immaculate! Then I turned away and then had to turn back because somebody had got in my way and I was trying to get out of theirs. Well apparently my man saw me do this and assumed I was checking the guy out! heeeh! And kept saying "I know that you did it, just admit to it, that's all." Then tried to claim he wasn't angry at me or hurt but clearly was. heeeeh! It was quite amusing. I wasn't checking the guy out by the way, I was more checking out the woman, not in a sexual sense but in a "look at her MAKEUP, how does she DO it?" sort of way. Of course he did not believe me, but whatever. I mean chances are he was checking out that beautiful girl. Good thing I didn't see it. See, that's my point though, they get just as bothered if we look at other men or if they think we do, so why do some men think it's okay for them?

 

But yes I guess it is subjective, whatever works for each couple, whatever standards they have and rules and so on. I just know that I personally, do not like and do not tolerate my man looking at porn, magazines with halfnaked women and naked women, and so on, and checking out women in front of me. And if they know what's best for them, they won't do it behind my back either. I relent and say, well behind my back a quick glance isn't SO bad, if I don't know about it, as long as they're not fantasizing about having sex with the chick or being with them, and they're not staring and ogling and drooling and so on. Quick glance, in appreciation of aesthetics, is all. I mean according to most people here anyway there's nothing I can do about it, apparently it's 'inevitable.' I look at pretty women too! Out of appreciation for beauty. Not sexually. So if he's with me then he shouldn't be looking sexually either. And yes, again I will state, I do think it's possible for a man not to check out another hot girl if he's with the girl he wants to be with, who he's attracted to and loves. I don't agree with the biology argument, that it's instinctual and so on. We are intelligent beings and have evolved past that; we can CONTROL what we look at. No matter what. If he wants to do such a thing and feels it's really against his 'innate nature', then it's as simple as finding another chick who tolerates that sort of behavior.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I'm not disrespecting the feelings of my significant other.... my significant other didn't get offended... if he did, thats an entirely different topic

 

when i was younger, in my teens and early twenties, this sort of stuff used to bother me... now it doesn't anymore.

 

because we have different ideas on what is acceptable does not mean its immature..

 

there are some other girls at my work who are quite a bit younger than me, and they get offended at these kinds of things, but the women my age and older dont' and we just have a good chuckle about your boyfriends / partners / husbands having an ogle..

 

Okay chick, if that's what works for you and your man, then more power to ya. That's cool, if he's not offended and you aren't either. Sorry but I just couldn't be like that. You say you were like me when you were in your early 20's and I'm in my early 20's now, so maybe I'll change when I get a little older. *shrug* Maybe I won't be so bothered and realize it doesn't mean anything, but I'm so opinionated about things and stubborn I doubt I could change. Just as long as you find it acceptable and are happy in your relationship then I guess it's just different strokes, for different folks, or whatever it was someone had said.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

i have gone to a strip club with boyfriends of mine, watched porn with boyfriends of mine... i dont' think I have particularly have a high level of self estem... and its not that i don't care....but yes, i thinks its incredibly exciting going to a strip club with a boyfriend.... ltos of my friends do this too... a friend of ine LOVES going to the strippers and is always dragging her boyfriend to go along with her !

 

i think you need to accept that fact that YES, many commited men WILL get a boner from looking at another woman, maybe though looking at porn, movies wherever.. it is a FACT..

 

As oceaneyes says, different strokes for different folks... what i find fun and exciting you may not and vice versa

 

I went to a strip club with two female friends once last year, it was incredibly uncomfortable and this one stripper came over and started hitting on me when she was off for the night! Wanted me to come back to her apartment! It's flattering because she was attractive but I'm not into women, at all. So I didn't really find it thrilling. And if a man wants to see that so bad, why don't they ask their woman to strip and dance for them? I can definitely understand single men going though, no biggie. So it really doesn't bother you that your man is ogling other naked women, fantasizing about them and getting turned on by them and stuff? Really???? It's a concept that's beyond me, honestly. I mean, it's okay for him to get turned on by another woman, and then later have sex with you.. because he's horny over another woman, and is imagining having sex with her?? It doesn't make you feel bad???

 

Yep maybe many committed men will get a boner over looking at other women but I'll be damned if mine will. I will try my hardest to not let that happen, anyway. He gets sex frequently and is definitely not deprived, as far as I look at it. I feel he doesn't need porn and all that crap. He says he doesn't want porn, he's got me. Before you scoff, it's true, he gave away the meagre collection of porn he had (3 tapes or DVds or whatever) when he wanted to date me and knew I had prerequisites for being with me and doesn't even look at stuff on the net. ....as far as I know. He's never on it anyway. Only occasionally when I'm in the shower and he's bored and looking up new computer technology and stuff. You don't think... ?

 

As for people loving to go to strippers, straight girls anyway, I think I would have had more fun if I could have drank that night. I was too young at the time, if I had drank I'd of had a good ol time. Nothing against the clubs, I just don't want my man going, and he doesn't want to go anyway.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Hmm, he was being a jerk, he was in the wrong. He should have kept his opinions to himself. Maybe he's of the opinion that a man isn't only going to find you attractive but others as well, but if he knows that such a thing would hurt you, he's better off not telling you that. He was being disrespectful and insensitive.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the other types of girls he's had sex with though, that doesn't always mean anything. Dudes can be attracted to many different types, and sometimes can have sex with girls who they don't particularly find attractive, but hey, they've got a vagina. Heh, for example, I consider myself different from some of those other girls my man dated. Heeeeh. It kinda makes you think, 'what the hell man... how in the world did they find THAT attractive?' so I know what you mean. But clearly he does find you attractive too even though he finds a different type of girl attractive too. Though in my opinion, he shouldn't of been checking her out so hard, and shouldn't have even told you what he did. It's like he was trying to make you feel bad about yourself & insecure. I wonder why he chose to do that? I'd be careful and watch him if I were you. I mean, he doesn't even give you compliments about your looks but does about another girl? Hmmm.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I'd like to say thank you to whoever gave me a good rating and complimented me on some of my posts, by the way. It's anonymous so couldn't tell who it was. I appreciate it, at least I know I'm not alone in my opinions.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

 

I have come to the conclusion that some men are like that.. they dont show respect for their partner, they dont show respect for females in general.. they see us as nothing but a sex object.

 

 

I will never be with a guy again who sees females nothing more than a sex object.

 

Its normal to have just a casual glance but I will argue black and blue with anyone who thinks its okay for their guy to visually imagine sex with the girl behind the counter at the supermarket.

 

 

AMEN.

 

Also, good to see that he's your ex. It was disturbing to hear that he'd be drawn to the teengirls at social gatherings like nails to a magnet. Even more disturbing that he'd actually gawk at your teenaged daughter and flirt with her. What is wrong with some of these men? What is with them and their fascination with teenaged girls?? Jeeeeesus.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Interesting thread.

 

So here's what I want to know: When a guy looks at a woman, is that

 

1. Looking, as though he's looking at a great painting or sports car

--or --

2. Looking, as in "I'm imagining what it must be like to feel her up"?

 

I'm not talking about gawking, which is obvious what's going on in his head. I mean that 10 to 15 second "looking" that supposedly all guys do.

 

So which is it?

 

Yes, I would really like to know this as well. I can't help but think that if a straight man is checking out an attractive woman, he MUST be thinking about seeing her naked, touching her, kissing her, or having sex with her. What else?

[lizziebee]

Blow it off, I am sure you are quite the babe and his insecurities make hime whiplash in front of you to piss you off, pretend it does not bother you. What bothers me is when a woman shakes her a** and flirts outrageously with my man from accross the street, the room, wherever, and he checks it out....Pisses me off that she gets the satisfaction, in front of me, that he checked it out, ya know?

[veneratio]

Interesting thread.

 

So here's what I want to know: When a guy looks at a woman, is that

 

1. Looking, as though he's looking at a great painting or sports car

--or --

2. Looking, as in "I'm imagining what it must be like to feel her up"?

 

I'm not talking about gawking, which is obvious what's going on in his head. I mean that 10 to 15 second "looking" that supposedly all guys do.

 

So which is it?

 

#1 When I'm looking. The only thing I think about is if she's got some substance under that beauty.

[Celadon]

Thanks for the reply, veneratio. Glad to know what someone's thinking!

[Miss_Kitty]

Well, I don't think it's a problem.

Most men look at other women.

I know, it really does bite the big one, but I suppose women just need to get on with their lives, because men will never change.

 

I'd talk to Him, and explain the way you feel about it.

If He still goes on, to hell with the bastard.

[lizziebee]

I have always told any man I go out with, go ahead and look, but don't let the other woman know you are looking, to me that is a notch in certain womens belts. However, I see women of all ages checking out my man everywhere we go! Tweens, older women, all females, even a very adorable, very gay man flirted with him right in front of me...egads! Kidding. I always laugh, outloud when I see this, and I always tell him about it and he gets a kick out of it...Don't let it bother you or he will become uncomfortable as will you...

[TheRedQueen]

My question is: is this just a guy thing, or a real problem?

This is just a guy thing.

[Northalius]

If some say it's not rude to look, but rude to gawk... then others might go further and say it's not rude to gawk, just don't touch; and so on. It'll never end!

 

What's lacking, is communication. Tell them you think it's rude of them to do it, and if they still do it, break it off with them, since that's not the kind of guy you want to go out with.

 

And no, it's not a guy thing... at least not ALL of us do it; I don't do it, because I know in my heart there's one person I'm commited to, so I close off my mind to any other women like that.

 

I don't think it's right to do... unless you're single and looking.

[SFG]

Something like this happened to me, but from the other perspective. When my girlfriend (now my ex, which is why I'm here) caught me once looking in the direction of a girl she got really upset. I will admit, I was looking at her, but I was not checking her out. I was careless, and I made it a point to watch myself when I am in public with her so that she doesn't think I am doing it again. I adored her...and I didn't want to be with anyone else.

 

Well, on several more occasions she got mad for the same thing, only these times I did NOT look at the girl. One time we were at a bar and these girls got up on the bar and started dancing. I glanced over because well, when you see movement coming from above you, you're gonna look. And another time we were out on New Years Eve and I turned to take a drink out from the table behind me, and from her angle she thought I was looking at this girl accross the table. I didn't know there was a girl over there. Then a third time she accused me of looking at a girl accross the street in the middle of the city, but I couldn't even tell you what she looked like because I never even saw her.

 

My point is, just because it looks that way, doesn't always mean it is that way. Yeah, a lot of guys can be dogs. But I will say that some of us really love our partners, and will drive ourselves crazy so as to not accidentally look at another woman. I loved her...still definitely do...and it sucks to be accused by someone you love so much for looking around when you couldn't care less who else is out there.

[Celadon]

It does really suck. I'm sorry she was suspicious of you when you didn't do anything wrong.

 

Thanks for sharing your story, though. I'm reassured to hear that not all "looking" is actually looking. I'll definitely keep that in mind with my next relationship.

[Joneysnai]

whenever I am out with my boyfriend I keep catching him looking around at other women. This has happened with me standing right next to him. He knows that I think this is rude and disrespectful. last time it happened he was drunk. It makes me not feel that I can trust him when he goes out with his friends.

 

My question is: is this just a guy thing, or a real problem?

 

i wouldn't say it's a guy thing. there is a different with looking at women and checking them out.

 

my current boyfriend looks at women but i look at men too, we just look and then look away. we don't stare and drool and keep staring, hench checking other people out.

 

u said u told him u thought it was rude and it is, i know with my x boyfriend he constantly did that. everywhere we went he would check out other women in front of me, sometimes he would be sly and walk towards the direction the girl he is checking out is at.

 

i am sure our feelings are mutual when i say that you probably feel like u are not as beautiful as these girls when he checks out other women in front of u, specially if u have brought it up to him and he is still doing it right? it's really disrespectful and if he has wondering eyes, that's already an issue to be dealt with.

 

all in all, i don't think all guys check out women, as i have said there is a big difference between looking and checking someone out.