benita

My ex was addicted to porn (he has admitted it since then as he watched a documentary on tellie and realised he is addicted.. too late for me though) but thats another story. I have witnessed him on many occasions stare with the eyes not even blinking for 5 min or more whilst gawking at a female and he would have the same look on his face, as he had when we were having sex. I could see that he was imagining sex with her. It used to be so very embarrassing as many times the innocent female would realise the starring and get very uncomfortable. If we were out driving and a female was walking down the footpath, he would slow the car right down to check her out whilst driving, as he past her he would be turning his head to keep on watching and didnt bother about watching the road. He would then keep on looking at her in the rear vision mirror till she was out of sight. If we went to a social gathering and their were teenage girls there, he would spend his time with them. He used to gawk at my teenage daughter (I am separated from my ex husband) and he used to flirt with her. I have been in a car with him and one of his mates who is just as bad as him and watched them being totally engrossed in a female who wasnt even attractive looking... it was pitiful to see these 2 men in their late 40's and eary 50's gawking and saying how hot she is whilst I was with them. I have come to the conclusion that some men are like that.. they dont show respect for their partner, they dont show respect for females in general.. they see us as nothing but a sex object. He destroyed our relationship because of this and because he did not need me for sex.. when it was time for my turn in bed.. he had already done it with his Porn Stars as he called them. I will never be with a guy again who sees females nothing more than a sex object. Its normal to have just a casual glance but I will argue black and blue with anyone who thinks its okay for their guy to visually imagine sex with the girl behind the counter at the supermarket. I was with this guy for 2 1/2 yrs, I know the look on his face when we are having sex and I know the look on his face so many times when he was checking someone out. His checking out was not just a casual "glance" I will also add that he had been to prostitutes before me and he doesnt seem to have an issue with them. He has been with a chinese girl who couldnt speak english .... How does one have sex with someone who cant speak english?

I know that I am not happy but I DO KNOW that I need to find happiness within myself and find out who I am before I can give 100% to that man of my life who I KNOW WILL COME ALONG after I find peace within myself. how can I give to a guy when I have so much emotional baggage weighing me down? I need to forgive men who have hurt me, I need to forgive and get over the abuse I went thru both physically and emotionally before I am able to go forward in a HEALTHY relationship. I get very lonely at times but I am finding as the weeks go by that the depression is getting less and the smiley face on me is starting to happen. I am reading lots of self help books and doing lots of research online to help myself. How can I give in a relationship if I am a tearful, nervous blubbbering wreck? Its not possible and it would not be fair to any male to have to put up with that. I am determined to get over this.. I had my ex husband threaten to kill me, he even sent my daughter txt msges and emails saying he wanted to kill me because I left him after yrs of abuse and him cheating on me. I then went into another relationship and got a simular type of deal..... I am getting over him now. I do know that never ever again will I be with a male just for the sake of being with a male. I also know their are many good, decent and honest men out there in the world and I will find the one for me after I release all the emotional baggage I have I have done the nervous breakdown, I have done the drinking (and still do to a certain degree but not like before) I am STRONG, I AM INVINSIBLE, I AM WOMAN ... is what I say to myself each day. As I drive to work each morning I used to say "I am not going to have a negative day" BUT last week I figured that I am using a negative word in that statement so now I say each morn as I drive to work that I AM GOING TO HAVE A POSITIVE DAY

thank you Kevin for your words of encouragement, its difficult for me right now, so so so very difficult, I try hard to put on a brave face but hurt within.... however..... I do know that I have to do this.... I know deep in my heart that after i go thru the loneliness I feel right now.... I will FIND ME... and when that happens.. I will be happy again. So many times people have told me and I have read that you cannot be in a relationship until you are happy within yourself. I have men interested in me.. however, I have made it clear to alll of them that I am only friends right now. They come over for dinner and stuff like that but they respect what I have asked for and not one of them has tried to take it further as I have been so strong in enforcing the "friends only" part. I miss the fingerprints on the walls and the piles of washing from my kids, I miss having a partner to cuddle up to at night, I miss the Sunday drives, the camping trips... I miss so very much but I am getting there.. I am finding that if I count the hours in a day.. the lonely parts of the day are getting smaller as I start to find peace and happiness within myself Its been a tough road for me but I WILL GET THERE AS I AM DETERMINED TOO~~ forums like this are so very cool, to help people deal with stuff take care every single one of you and each morn when you wake up... you have to say to yourself - I am going to have a positive day I look at nature and smile as I love nature

Juha, I could not agree with you more!!! Your post is so accurate and so very much the way I am feeling right now. It is sad that so so so many of us settle for someone to be depressed with instead of being on our own and being happy. I was a fool for too long, thank God I have found a way out of it. You mirror my thoughts, the thoughts I think every single day without failure mate

~ sorry abt the repeat in threads..... I hit the wrong thing on the keyboard lol

I know in my heart that I need to find happiness within myself before I get into a serious relationship. I have learned from experience that I put up with guys treating me like * * * * as I did not want to be on my own. For the first time in my whole 45 yrs of life, I am now living on my own. I am going thru lots of healing and I need to find myself and be happy with myself. I am not there but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am reading lots of self help books and trying to focus on positives and not negatives. I truly believe that if I can be happy within myself that I will not settle for the guy who I should not be with as I found within my marriage and just coming out of a 2 yr relationship that I WAS A FOOL!!! I STUCK WITH THESE GUYS AND THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO BE ON MY OWN. I have 2 beautiful daughters who have now grown up and left the nest. Many times I wish I had to wipe their fingerprints of the walls and do their washing and cooking for them. However, I can dwell on that or I can find a new life and guess what mates? this gal is gonna find a new life!!!! Right now I am moving thru the process and each morning I wake up is a day closer to the peace and happiness that I am reaching for within myself. I love this forum, it has helped me heaps and there are some really beautiful and sincere people who hang abt enotalone. I moved into this cute little cottage a few months back and I havnt even finished unpacking. The cottage needs/needed a good clean and I didnt bother with that either. I didnt bother cause my attitude was that "I have no one to unpack for and I have no one to clean for". Hey mates, I am in the process of finishing the unpacking and I am gonna get this place squeaky clean FOR ME!!!!! Its my choice to remain depressed and feel sorry for myself or I can choose to find happiness within myself. When I can smile, mr right will come along and I am now very confident of that happening, however it will not happen until I can be happy within myself.

I know in my heart that I need to find happiness within myself before I get into a serious relationship. I have learned from experience that I put up with guys treating me like * * * * as I did not want to be on my own. For the first time in my whole 45 yrs of life, I am now living on my own. I am going thru lots of healing and I need to find myself and be happy with myself. I am not there but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am reading lots of self help books and trying to focus on positives and not negatives. I truly believe that if I can be happy within myself that I will not settle for the guy who I should not be with as I found within my marriage and just coming out of a 2 yr relationship that I WAS A FOOL!!! I STUCK WITH THESE GUYS AND THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO BE ON MY OWN.

~ one thing I would like to add to females who are thinking of using online dating.... I do not put up a real sexy looking pic of myself. I have had many men tell me I am attractive and I have had many men try and win me over for sex. I do have big boobs which men obviously love but I am careful to place the pic online that does not see me as sexy but an ordinary female as I want to be attracted to an ordinary decent guy. Looking at some of the profiles and pics of many females who put their pic online, they are advertising their body so of course they will attract the wrong men. If you are online dating for sex.. put up a sexy pic with your boobs hanging out and the short short short skirt on... If you are looking for a decent guy, wear something that looks nice and attractive for the pic but dont "advertise sex" with your outfit

I have used internet dating sites with no luck, I would not bother paying to use them but I can honestly say I have met some very nice decent guys from these sites... the only reason nothing came off it was because they were not the right one for me.. it had nothing to do with them being sexual deviats, criminals or anything else like that. I have a friend whose husband died of cancer approx 10 yrs ago. she commited her life to bringing up her 2 sons and daughter. She did ironing and cleaning to help put bread and milk on the table for her children and lived a very very clean life. Her daughter decided to put her on rsvp (without her knowing) She got a reply and the daughter responded to the reply. Eventually the daughter had to tell mum what she had done and after lots of convincing.... mum decided to meet him.. They have been together for over 2 yrs now and very very happy and in love with each other. another story... My brother met the love of his life thru lavalife. they have also been together for nearly 2 yrs and now have a beautiful son. I think that you need to have your guard up weather it be online, in a pub, at a park or wherever. Obviously, online, you dont know how old the person is, where they live or anything else and I have come accross many that are full of lies but there are also genuine men who do those sites because they are not into the pub and club scene. there are also the ones who are just looking for a one night stand as their is in the pub scene and other places

thankyou members for your support and to "SAD NOW", If your partner is having his sexual needs fulfilled to porn instead of being with me, to me, thats a major problem. I want the man of my life to be wanting sex with me, I want to please him, I dont want to be sitting at home knowing that his sexual pleasure is with porn. So many times I told him, it was them or me, the continual lies about... all the times when he couldnt cum with me as he had already done that with them. I dont deserve that. It hurts, it hurts badly, it hurt real bad when he couldnt cum to me, after not being with me for 8 days. He is never short of a quick fix to his sexual desires. So many times we argued about it, he new it hurt me, he new it made me feel dirty... So many times when we were having sex I wondered if he was thinking abt them as his desires were met with them more than me. It gives me the creeps. I call is sleeze, I call it cheating.... it has hurt me very badly mentally

how do u get over someone you love and I had to break it off with him cause of his addiction to porno. It hurts badly, My heart is bleeding as I wanted him to want me and not his porn but after 2 1/2 yrs of him getting his sexual desire over porn, I had to let go but I love him. How do I get over it? and why did he chose porn over me. I am "according to guys".. sexy looking, I look after myself.. I am not abese.. could loose a few kilos but not obese... Why did he have to use his sexual energy with them and leave what was left of his sexual energy for me? I am crying so much, I find life is a real downer and I dont get it...... he says I am sexy, he is totally attracted to me but he gets his rocks of with them instead of me I feel sleezy, downgraded, humiliated

teddybear, I wish I could help u emotionally but I am on day 4 right now of separation that I ended. Its tough, Its cruel and it is devasting, I am feeling numb, worthless, lonely, depressed, I want to smile at something but i cant My our Lord help both of us

for my history, go to the my partner and porn thread I am so very lonely tonight, its day 4 and I cant stop crying. I dont know what to do. I miss him so very much but I know I had to break it with him as being with him was as painful as not being with him. I am devasted that he choose porn over me. I am lonely, I am hurting so very bad as I cant even see the puter screen properly right now as my tears are blurring it. I am sobbing, i am hurting... I wanted him to want me but he wanted porn. I feel demoralized, ugly, cheated on, I feel dirty to have been with someone who was with a prostitute before my time as I have morals is it wrong to have morals? i feel like i am punished for having morals? it all sucks, all of it what is wrong with old fashioned love and faithfullness? I am a prude cause I dont find watching others have sex entertaining? I am wrong for not wanting my partner to have sex with me instead of porn he picked the porn my heart aches badly

read my last 2 posts under men looking at porn for a perspective of where I am right now. However, I have also found with this guy I was with for 2 and 1/2 yrs that he had mates who were also total into the porn, strip clubs, even going to an orgy concert..... and so I did not like many of his mates either.... This also helped me make the decision to dump him 4 days ago as I figured that if he is like this, his mates are like this... I am climbing mt everest. There are many circles of friends out there who dont need strip clubs or porn. what happened to the good old barbie where couples get together for a few drinks, have a bbq and chilll out... what is so boring about that? what is boring about friends all getting together to go for a sunday drive and have lunch at cute country pub? This is what most normal couples do.... I had been married previously before I met this guy that you can read about under the men and porn topic.... I had lots of nice friends where the men wanted the bbq, they were not into the mens night out at strip clubs and exchanging porn dvds with each other If a guy is not happy doing the bbq stuff, the sunday drive stuff, if he needs to go to strip clubs and exchange porn with his mates... well him and his mates are not for me

thankyou for your encouragement candy. Tonight is my first friday night on my own. I am feeling so so so very lonely right now. My heart is hurting deeply and I feel very depressed. I have deleted his ph no so I cannot call him and he did call me yesterday but I said I did not have time to talk and ended the conversation. I miss him tonight but I am gonna be strong. I will get over this and if it takes 3-6 mnths of loneliness and unhappiness before I find myself again, I will do it as... 3-6 mnths is a small investment to pay or should I trade it for a lifetime of mistrust, deceit and unhappiness with him? I dont think so. I will get over it, I am sitting here having a few drinks as I have no work tomorrow. I will have a few more wines and maybe even a few more tonight. I have to keep on reminding myself that I cannot be in a relationship with a partner who is a pervert and at the end of the day.... after so so so many fights and so very many times I told him it was either porn or me.... he never gave it away, he wanted 2 relationships, sex with them and sex with me. The porn got the full on energy sex from him and I got what was left after they had milked him dry. The ball was in his court, not mine and he played the game and the porn won. I wonder how he is feeling tonight. He will no doubt have his desires met , I wonder if emotionally, as he fulfills his desires, If he will think..... oh * * * *.... I dont have my partner anymore, I only have my dvds???? ....I Say to him: Well my sweetheart (NOT), if reality has hit and you are thinking oh * * * *, I only have my dvds..... I say to you.... enjoy them mate and guess what mate? They're not gonna cuddle you, they aint gonna ask you how your day was at work, they arnt gonna cook you a meal or wash your clothes.. But they were worth it huh? I think, at the end of the day, your gonna be hurting more than me. Farewell, thanks for the good times we had besides all the bad times. Have a wonderful relationship with your dvds. Adios mate