psu11 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 hey everyone, if you been following some of my threads you are aware that i seen my ex this weekend while tailgating with mutual friends. basically, my ex said several times that he thinks he broke up with me for the wrong reasons and that he regrets his decision. by the end of the weekend, he started calling me sweetheart again and tried to become affectionate. and after we both got back to our towns, he initated a conversation with me online telling me how happy he is hanging out with me and how much he was glad to see me. although i do still love him, i found it hard to reciproate and express what he was feeling and acting toward me. i couldnt call him the pet names i did while we were dating and (even though i miss him) i couldnt tell him that. by these actions, is this a first step in him trying to get back with me? i never had this happen to me before, so its hard for me to read the signs and decipher between what is legit and what is just a feeling of being lonely. Link to comment
studmaster3265 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Most of the time its hard to even believe what poeple say sometimes. However It does seem like he is trying to go back out with you. In the end its your choice if you choose to go back out. Being lonely and being legit are two diffrent things, when you know its "lonelyness" its when the guy trys to go back out with you desperately and you can tell legit its when its romantice you know you take it slow. Better take it slow you dont want him to think your easy, take it from a guy whos been through everything, anyways i hope this helps. Link to comment
Clementyne Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 It obviously seems like he wants to get back together with you. What were his reasons for dumping you? I'd be very very careful with this guy. We're talking about a guy who walked away right? Are you up for a potential heartbreak and possibly being dumped again? I'm guessing you can't be affectionate towards him because 1) you stopped being a couple and 2) he has hurt your feelings. Think it through... Link to comment
Caterina Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I'd say stay away for a while and think to yourself about what you want. When you decide, if you decide to go back, make it explicit that you want to go slow b/c its VERY hard to get over what happened and its not going to be easy to revert back into what you were before he dumped you. You could also just walk...I mean, he dumped you whose to say he won't do it again? Link to comment
psu11 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Share Posted October 16, 2006 thank you so much for all of your helpful insights... clementyne, we broke up because he was unsure of what he wanted in aspects of his life. he felt as though he wasnt putting his all into our relationship and he didnt think it would be fair for me to put in all the effort while he wasnt. caterina, your right about questioning whether or not he would do this again. these questions i been contemplicating over as well, i think thats part of the reason im having a difficult time reciporicating any sign of romantic emotions. i havent lost that trust in him, but my morale and pride toward us as a couple is basically unexistant. Link to comment
chai714 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 psu, He may or may not want to get back with you. His real intentions will be more clear after a period of time. If you do give him a chance, take it slow and remain somewhat guarded. And if you're currently dating anyone else don't stop just yet. Link to comment
shikashika Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I think this sort of behavious is so immature... four months?!?! gimme a break (maybe I'm ust bitter) look at their actions... anyone can recite a speech, but can they prove it? good luck! Link to comment
need2bme Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 What do you want? I think about this everytime I think about my ex and I back together (not that it is going to happen). I would want her to love me more than anything. I want the PDAs. I want to be spoken to like I am not invisible. I want to be someone's SOMETHING! So, I ask myself if I could have these things if we were back together and I don't think I could. Can you? It is about you at this point, after all. Link to comment
psu11 Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 shikashika...yesterday i came home from work with a bouquet of flowers from him..would this be an action i should be looking at? and also, i know your recent ex broke up with you for reasons your unclear of now, and my ex did the same.....you really just need to come to terms and find closure based on your own internal strength, you'll be surprised how much stronger you will be coming out of this need2beme, i completely understand what your saying... at this point your right, i need to be selfish and do whats best for me. how do i know hes not going to do this a year or two from now? he never really gave me a distinct reason for our break up, so it could easily come out of the blue again. i pieced together reasons for the break myself and came to my own closure. so my question is...is this the best situation to be NC in? or should i just talk to him when he initaties the conversation? Link to comment
shikashika Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 sorry, psu11 i'm not tryingt to put any negativity on you... at least he has made some effort there... i really don't know what answer to give you.. i just hope it all works out for the best! Link to comment
whoops Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 i think you should stay well clear - you broke off for a reason and going back there would be a mistake - he wont have worked out what he wants yet at all and maybe he just misses you - what is it with these men they cant tune into their emotions at all. Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 I think you have to go with your gut feelings on this one. My ex of 3 weeks ago and I got back together and he said he was "Happy", 2 weeks later he turned once again into a distant stranger. Too late for me, I was once again damaged ..... starting from scratch. I hope it doesn't happen to you too........ Be very, very careful! Link to comment
psu11 Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 i appreciate your insights...and sandyv, getting hurt all over again is exactly what im afraid of. i think im doing pretty well for being apart for 4 months, i started to get used to being single and enjoying it. i've decided to not do NC but to only talk to him if he initaties contact. im making myself available but not too available and im not going to stop casually dating other people yet. trusting my gut feeling is good advice, and i think by the efforts he makes within the next couple weeks will determine that. i dont deserve to have my feelings toyed around with and i refuse to jump back into a relationship with someone who could perhaps still see me as a question mark. Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 Good for you, I did have bad gut feelings before getting back with ex bf, and I should have taken heed of them. I'm still stuck.... and still running into the ex all the time. He seems to be showing up at the same places I do, its making me crazy,... but before I would just leave, (in a hurry) but now I've gotten good at ignoring him and carrying on conversations with others. Sometimes he does the staring routine..... thats how we got back together last time... he just sauntered over and said "Can We Talk". Next time it'll be "NO" if it happens!!! Link to comment
psu11 Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 sandy it seems like your handling this situation really well!! keep up the good work! Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Yeah i put on a brave face, but still I'm hurting still....... Thoughts of "why did he do this to me" are always going through my head. I'm nowhere near forgetting him... and I know soo many people who are mutual friends, so its near impossible not to hear about his life although I don't really want to. Better not to see him at all I know, but I won't give up my favorite places or friends at this point. But since I haven't been speaking to him I suppose thats ok and I'm still sorta moving on I guess. Link to comment
psu11 Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 i dont blame you, i wouldnt sacrifice your favorate places for the sake of the possiblity of running into him. we have lots of mutual friends and on occasion when i do see him, i dont hold hositility toward him. and im sure if you do the same in your case, it would be the opposite of what everyone would expect, especially since he broke your heart. i to, still have thousands of questions for my ex...but at this point, i dont care to hear the answers because it would just lead to a million more unanswered questions. focus on yourself...hang in there...good luck! Link to comment
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