That First Time

[anna_k]

I have a confession to make: my first time was a drunken one-night-stand.

 

I am so depressed and ashamed about this. I wish I could take it back and waited until I found someone I actually liked for a while.

 

I didn't think it would ever bother me but I've just realised that it does and it makes me feel disgusting and horrible.

 

I never thought I would regret it like I do. I just want to cry whenever I think about it.

 

I held onto my virginity for 22 years and I think I just reached the point where it was just an annoying thing looming over my head (a very stupid thought, I know). I felt nothing and there were no consequences from that night, however, it has all of the sudden come back and bitten me hard. He didn't get it all in and it didn't feel like it does when I have sex now (plus, I still bled with the guy after him). I wish I could say that it wasn't really sex.....

 

The whole thing really disturbs me. I know I'm probably in denial but I wish I didn't have to count that one-night-stand as my first time.

 

I don't suppose anyone else has similar regrets? Am I going to be depressed about this forever? I know once it's gone, it's gone....

[ForAnother]

you know i kind of did the same thing. As a guy it doesn't mean so much... but honestly I look back and wonder. I'm glad it was "out of the way" but... wonder if it could have been with someone else. in fact ive taken 3 girls virginities... and it makes me upset and has made me feel like crap... I wish I never did it.

 

I think its ok. I think you just have to let it go, and enjoy what the future will bring you.

 

-ForAnother

[TheRedQueen]

Not to belittle your feelings, but the whole "losing your virginity" being the most sacred thing in a woman's life is sooooo passe. It's just not that big of a deal.

[TheRedQueen]

Even the word "virginity" with its religious woman-hating connotations is awful. Yup, we're all harlot sluts who are going to burn burn burn in hell... I think not.

[Spugly Fuglet]

could it have been that you where scared and got drunk to help get over that, at 22 your a woman and needed to do this, I would not feel bad, you did what you did to get past that that fear. Now if you have regrats that another matter, I dont know any woman who says, WOW I lost my V and it was incredabull, its always worry and fear becouse its new.

 

Please forgive your self this once act and take it as some thing you had to do in this way. There is no giult here just exseptance of who we are.

 

thats my take hope its if use

[anna_k]

Not to belittle your feelings, but the whole "losing your virginity" being the most sacred thing in a woman's life is sooooo passe. It's just not that big of a deal.

 

 

Yes I realise but I just wish I saved it for the next guy (who I actually cared about).

[anna_k]

you know i kind of did the same thing. As a guy it doesn't mean so much... but honestly I look back and wonder. I'm glad it was "out of the way" but... wonder if it could have been with someone else. in fact ive taken 3 girls virginities... and it makes me upset and has made me feel like crap... I wish I never did it.

 

I think its ok. I think you just have to let it go, and enjoy what the future will bring you.

 

Hey thanks. Sometimes it's just nice to know that you're not the only one who wishes they never did something.

 

I was thinking the same in regards to that 'out-of-the-way' factor. I just wish I listenned to people when they said 'You'll regret it'.

 

Hindsight is evil.

[New_Horizons]

Wow...I am a 22 year old virgin and I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I guess each of us reacts in different ways. Anyway if you have any tips on getting the one-nighter (I am male though), it would be helpful.

Truly I would love to keep my virginity if I knew my first girlfriend would also be a virgin. As this is not guaranteed, and the probability of this happening is infinitesimally tiny, it's the better choice to lose it.

[anna_k]

could it have been that you where scared and got drunk to help get over that, at 22 your a woman and needed to do this, I would not feel bad, you did what you did to get past that that fear. Now if you have regrats that another matter, I dont know any woman who says, WOW I lost my V and it was incredabull, its always worry and fear becouse its new.

 

Please forgive your self this once act and take it as some thing you had to do in this way. There is no giult here just exseptance of who we are.

 

thats my take hope its if use

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

I don't have fear about it, I just wish I was sober and thought things through more thoroughly. I think the fact that I waited so long and fell at the last minute bugs me.

 

ps. I like that quote from S.R

[forza2]

That first time thing doesn't count as sex and you did bleed with the guy after him which sounds, which means you were a virgin.

 

W**** 2 guys one after another jk

[New_Horizons]

Just because her hymen was intact? I don't think so. I wouldn't consider her a virgin by any stretch of the imagination, just as I wouldn't consider a girl who had ruptured it horse-riding to be a non-virgin.

[anna_k]

Wow...I am a 22 year old virgin and I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I guess each of us reacts in different ways. Anyway if you have any tips on getting the one-nighter (I am male though), it would be helpful.

Truly I would love to keep my virginity if I knew my first girlfriend would also be a virgin. As this is not guaranteed, and the probability of this happening is infinitesimally tiny, it's the better choice to lose it.

 

Well, I thought like you back then.

 

It is true that everyone looks at it with varying degrees of importance. It may also be true that men and women view it differently.

 

I guess, it depends on who you know and how you grew up. For me, it was a really big deal. It still is. I just wish I saved it for the next guy (I know, I'm a broken record with this line!)

 

I hope you don't regret anything later on like I do (although, hopefully the regret will fade with time).

 

Tips on getting a one-nighter? Oh dear, I don't know what to say. I'm officially never doing that again. That was my one and only one-nighter ever. The girls and I spent the day at the races and met a group of guys. We had lunch and went out that night. I had too much too drink. The guy himself was not bad, he just did not mean anything to me. I hate this fact.

 

It can also be pretty risky. You don't know where this person has been and what disease they have. I know that's a very pessimistic way to look at people but it's true.

 

That's what is the most depressing. Once I had sex with someone I cared about, the one-nighter just seems so awful and nasty.

 

All I can say is: be careful, think about what it means (for you and the girl) and take care. I know that's very annoying advice but I wish someone said these things to me at length before hand.

 

Feel free to PM me if you want.

[forza2]

Just because her hymen was intact? I don't think so. I wouldn't consider her a virgin by any stretch of the imagination, just as I wouldn't consider a girl who had ruptured it horse-riding to be a non-virgin.

 

Well said...................

[New_Horizons]

Here's the irony - I come from a very conservative family with a tradition of 'waiting till marriage' and no history of dating. I am the first person in my extended family who has broken ranks. My closest family members are fine with it, as for the rest I couldn't care less. So I have absolutely no experience at all - social, cultural, romantic or sexual. This has affected my self esteem because a guy like me would be described as a first-grade LOSER. Sorry to drift off topic....

 

The only reason I'm interested in losing my virginity is because I believe it will help my relationship, if/when I do have one (since my first g/f is 99.99% going to be a non-virgin). Being a non-virgin will help me cling to my self-esteem and not feel like I have to learn everything from her. She might also respect me more for not being a loser.

[New_Horizons]

Hey, it's good to know I'm not alone I'm really wary of doing it with hookers because of the health risks. So I would like to compromise with a one-nighter with a normal girl provided she didn't expect anything more. Finding one is really difficult because my lack of experience makes me very unattractive and unsuccessful. It's a catch-22, I need to lose my virginity to get a girl and get a girl to lose my virginity

[forza2]

Hey, it's good to know I'm not alone I'm really wary of doing it with hookers because of the health risks. So I would like to compromise with a one-nighter with a normal girl provided she didn't expect anything more. Finding one is really difficult because my lack of experience makes me very unattractive and unsuccessful. It's a catch-22, I need to lose my virginity to get a girl and get a girl to lose my virginity

 

Find a girl that you like. Go out on a date with her, go for more dates (not in the first couple dates) but 3rd, or even 4th bring up family and stuff like that and mention that how you're from that sort of families and say that you're tired of it and you wanna go your own way. Sound confident and just let it happen. Dont mention your Mother, and dont talk about the sadness of being a virgin. You're not alone at all. Where do you live? I bet I can help you! Keep in touch and we can cook something up. You need a solid plan and you wanna go all in. I'm gonna ask this girl out on a date tomorrow night, so I kinda have butterflies in my stomach right now, and even though I'm tall, and in great shape, I'm also a very ugly guy but that doesn't hold me back. I have been rejected 68% of the time, but that 32% were hellava rides You dont really need a one night stand, as I'm sure you can work something out.

 

Email me if you need some help: email removed

[anna_k]

Hey, we're all kind of the same.

 

New_Horizons: My family is exactly like yours: conservative. My parents were high-school sweethearts and thus, have only ever had one partner (each other). It's a difficult thing to live up to (not that I do because I'm no longer in high-school and finding a decent guy back then was pretty tough!).

 

Forza: That TJ story is a little bit scary! That's the problem with waiting too long. It gets hyped up too much and you can end up doing whatever it takes to get it out of the way.

[forza2]

Hey, we're all kind of the same.

 

New_Horizons: My family is exactly like yours: conservative. My parents were high-school sweethearts and thus, have only ever had one partner (each other). It's a difficult thing to live up to (not that I do because I'm no longer in high-school and finding a decent guy back then was pretty tough!).

 

Forza: That TJ story is a little bit scary! That's the problem with waiting too long. It gets hyped up too much and you can end up doing whatever it takes to get it out of the way.

 

Yes Ms. I hear you. I couldn't wait any longer and I didn't wanna end up like my friend a 31 year old virgin, so I dumped the family thing and started playing the odds of it. You know what happened last week Its all good. But the thing about me is that I wont sleep with a hooker not even for a million dollars. I hate hookers and I'm too scared of them and just because of that I had two choice and only two. Stay virgin till I find a religious girl and marry her and then have sex, or start looking around. I didn't wanna wait till I get married, so that I started looking around. I'm happy to say that the rejection percentage is going down as I'm builidng up my confidence

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

How long ago was this? I'm a bit surprised at why you're upset about it now, to be honest. I don't quite understand, is it because you're in a relationship/not in a relationship now?

 

Over the years this question has been discussed on many nights out - truth/dare games etc; and I can honestly say that some people it's romantic, others it's funny, others it's a one night fumble. It doesn't seem to have any impact on their lives now, or their partners.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it - I think I'm with the red queen on this one.

 

Cheers!

[anna_k]

Honey Pumpkin:

 

It hasn't been that long. Quite recent.

 

I guess it's just how I was raised (not religion-based). I have basically no regrets in life....but this one affects me a lot.

 

There is a person that I care about now and I just wish I waited until I met him.

[quietgrl]

New Horizon,

You being a virgin isn't your problem .It's an excuse that you're using too not deal with your main problem.

[quietgrl]

Yes Ms. I hear you. I couldn't wait any longer and I didn't wanna end up like my friend a 31 year old virgin, so I dumped the family thing and started playing the odds of it. You know what happened last week Its all good. But the thing about me is that I wont sleep with a hooker not even for a million dollars. I hate hookers and I'm too scared of them and just because of that I had two choice and only two. Stay virgin till I find a religious girl and marry her and then have sex, or start looking around. I didn't wanna wait till I get married, so that I started looking around. I'm happy to say that the rejection percentage is going down as I'm builidng up my confidence

 

forza,

I know you mean well but giving some virgins the impression.Sex gives you confidence is kinda misguided.Some virgins need to realize you need to build your confidence without using your penis or vagina.

A virgin like New Horizon is at a vulnerable state because He thinks only sex will solve his problems right now.Virgin like New Horizon need to learn how to solve their issue without sex and not use sex to solve their issue.

[quietgrl]

Honey Pumpkin:

 

It hasn't been that long. Quite recent.

 

I guess it's just how I was raised (not religion-based). I have basically no regrets in life....but this one affects me a lot.

 

There is a person that I care about now and I just wish I waited until I met him.

 

Annak,

 

Thank you for sharing your story because other virgins can learn from your decision.Yes there are some women who don't care much about their virginity but there are some women who do.Some people think sex is nothing and some people think sex is meanful.People need to realize there is alway consequences to our action especially when it comes to sex.

[kb109]

Like the name of this website states, you are NOT alone! lol my first time was a drunken one night stand as well! i felt like crap for awhile but i got tested for STDs after it happened and i got my period like a week later so i wasn't pregnant. now i have an amazing boyfriend who i have great sex with and i never even think about that drunken night.

[New_Horizons]

Quietgirl,

 

I'm not saying losing my virginity is the magic pill to solve my problems. But it will certainly help. The main problem is that I'm unattractive to women and don't have a girlfriend. This in turn stems from a lack of confidence.

OK, so I need to build my confidence. We agree on that. The best confidence-builder is experience. I'm not going to be confident driving a car until I actually drive a few thousand miles. No aount of reading DMV booklets or talking to experienced drivers will help me. When I first began drivng, I requested an old beat up car so I wouldn't care if I crashed it. It helped me prepare for the real thing.

 

But this is too simple. A car is inanimate. I can buy the more expensive car, there's nothing stopping me. I CAN'T get a wonderful girlfriend until I demonstrate I have experience, which in turn shines through the language of confidence.