Just Curious...

[joiseygrl]

I was talking to a few of my friends about a relationship I have with another "Friend with Benefits". Now, they're ok with the whole FwB thing, but they think our situation is creepy.

 

My FwB lives with his girlfriend and their 3-month-old son. They have an open relationship and she's fine with him seeing other women. (She will start seeing other men when she's done breastfeeding.) They have set ground rules (i.e. no over nighters) and they are both happy with their relationship. He treats me like he would a girlfriend. And he's one of my best friends.

 

Why do my friends seem to think this is so awful? If everyone knows about it and it's acceptable to all parties involved, is it wrong?

[ImThatGirl]

Do they have an open relationship or are they only living together for the sake of their child?

 

Have you ever talked to her? Do you know for a fact that she's okay with this?

 

I think it's creepy too.... Sorry. It's just weird. But I know it's different when you are actually in the situation.

 

What does he have to offer you as far as future goes? What if he decides he doesn't want to see you and to make things work with her? What if you are the cause of him not working things out with her?

[joiseygrl]

They have an open relationship. They've had one even before they got pregnant. We've all gone out to dinner and I've hung out with her while I waited for him to get home so we could go out. (Me and him.)

 

I know it's not a relationship that's going to go anywhere. He's a really great friend who I have sex with, once in a while. I've dated guys while I known him and told him we can't have sex while I'm dating another guy and he's ok with that. During those times we're just friends.

 

They have an amazing relationship and if they don't work out, I know it won't be because of me.

[BornToResist]

I personally wouldn't want one of those relationships for myself because I'd be afraid I'd get too involved, but if all parties are happy, what's the big deal?

 

If you start feeling uncomfortable in the situation, you'd need to put a stop to it. If not, then it doesn't sound like there's really any problem with it, as long as things are as you explained above. Just don't expect everyone to understand though.

[agent1607307371]

I've had an open relationship and while I wouldn't do it again with that person (he wasn't mature enough to handle it despite being the one to ask about it) I'm not against having another one in the future.

 

The model for relationships is two people. (Two men, one man one woman, two women... etc) And monogamy is the default setting we tend to be raised with. Your friend and his wife may be more polyamorous but as long as everyone is open and communicating (the more people, the more communicating) and getting their needs met then there should be no problem.

 

As long as everyone involved is happy with the arrangement then no, it's not wrong and it is no business of anyone who is on the outside of it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If everyone knows about it and it's acceptable to all parties involved, is it wrong?

 

Something to think about:

 

I have read many posts on this forum about men who are in relationships with women and then they learn about the woman's past and have problems dealing with it. Yes, a person's past relationships should have nothing to do with a current relationship. That is correct in theory, but what should be in theory, may not be reality when people's emotions, insecurities and values come into play. If, in the future, you meet a man you are head over heels for and your past relationships come out in the open, he may be okay with it, or he may not. Although your friends with benefits relationship is okay with all three parties involved agreeable to it, the fact that you were involved in such a scenario might be difficult for a future partner to deal with.

 

Now, they're ok with the whole FwB thing, but they think our situation is creepy.

 

You are posting here because your friends think it is creepy and you are a bit unsure. There are a great many people who will find it creepy and that is why I am giving this scenario of what could happen down the road in a future relationship. Unless of course, you meet someone who is also into this kind of thing.

 

Another thing to think about:

I've dated guys while I known him and told him we can't have sex while I'm dating another guy and he's ok with that.

 

So, you yourself would not feel comfortable having sex with him if you were in a relationship. That means to say that you do think there is something inherently off about this kind of scenario. Just because his girlfriend is fine with it, doesn't mean to say that you have to be a part of that scenario. It still boils down to you "crashing" someone else's relationship, something which you would not want if you were in a relationship.

[bms85]

One of my best friends and his wife are in a situation similar to this. They are both open to having sex with other people. Her best friend sleeps with both of them, in fact the day before they got married his wife slept with one of her ex boyfriends. This is not something I could do as I would get jealous very fast. And though I could have sex with either of them and it wouldn't phase the other I choose not to, one because I'm straight and two because it would make me feel awkward.

 

Their philosophy is love and sex are two separate entities and should be treated as such. Love is the more important of the two so why worry or be jealous when you hold their heart. And if sex is only a feeling would you freak out if your boyfriend hugged a friend goodbye. To them its just not a big deal, so if your in a similar situation and clearly you already don't find it awkward I say why not. Your friends will still be your friends if you get some on the side, and being familiar with these relationships I know it's not going to ruin their relationship. So I say if YOUR ok with it than why not

[babypink61]

It's creepy because he's already in a relationship! And on top of all that, he lives with her and they have a son together! Sorry to be so blunt, but I just think it's very wrong! Regardless of whether or not they have an open relationship. Having a FwB is ok, but not with someone that's already in a relationship . . .

[Batya33]

It's fine as long as everyone consents but here the child cannot consent and in my opinion it is very unstable for a child if the father is off getting laid instead of spending time with the child. Of course this is an infant but it is starting off with a very bad situation. The situation is not your fault but you are contributing to the instability. Also, I wouldn't blame some man down the road with questioning your values for getting involved in this way - or your physical health (STD) - that is if you want a traditional marriage some day as opposed to a swinger/open relationship.

[zrehman]

Babes, don't listen to all these other peoples OPINIONS!

 

There just opinions, and everyone views a particular situation in their own way. All that matters is that your okay with this, and if that is the case, than I think you are doing exactly what you feel is right and what your comfortable with. Just be careful and not get your feelings involved and keep it strictly FWB. Have fun and be safe

[joiseygrl]

I don't think our situation is wrong. If I did, I wouldn't be involved in it. I was asking what others might think of it because my friends tend to be on the conservative side and I wanted to see what other people thought about it. Not that other people's opinions matter. As the topic of the post states, "Just Curious".

 

If I decide to get involved with a monogamous relationship later and this situation comes up, if the man can't deal with it, then that's not someone I want to be involved with. If someone can't accept me for who I am, that's their problem.

 

As far as the sexual health goes, any guy I date could be cheating on me. It's always a possibility. At least in this situation, I know who the other person the man I'm sleeping with is. And we all take the necessary precautions.

[zrehman]

I'll be on the sideline cheering you on cutie

[Batya33]

I don't think our situation is wrong. If I did, I wouldn't be involved in it. I was asking what others might think of it because my friends tend to be on the conservative side and I wanted to see what other people thought about it. Not that other people's opinions matter. As the topic of the post states, "Just Curious".

 

If I decide to get involved with a monogamous relationship later and this situation comes up, if the man can't deal with it, then that's not someone I want to be involved with. If someone can't accept me for who I am, that's their problem.

 

As far as the sexual health goes, any guy I date could be cheating on me. It's always a possibility. At least in this situation, I know who the other person the man I'm sleeping with is. And we all take the necessary precautions.

 

OK as long as you think that these are your values and they won't change (I have my doubts about that but of course it's your choice and risk). It might end up being your problem in the (somewhat likely) event you come to the conclusion that sleeping with someone who has a girlfriend and a child just for s_x is not how you want to live your life and then you'll have some splainin' to do - it can be done - I know women in traditional relationships who led quite wild lives but it is something you will have to explain and explain the change. Once again - this could be who you are forever and in that case you know you are limiting the pool of men who would be ok wiht this behavior.

 

Cheating is always a possibility and you don't know who else she sleeps with (and you are sleeping with them too in a way) or him. I am not sure where the "friend" part is in "friends with benefits" - he is willing to father a child with one woman, sleep with another and risk fathering another child with you (given that nothing is 100%). Not such a good friend in my humble opinion.

[Juliana]

You get tested on a regular basis, right? You know your HIV status? Your comparison of the future boyfriend potentially cheating on you doesn't fly. Multiple partners is a high-risk activity; you said she is going to be seeking other partners as soon as she's able? Be the responsible one, and get tested every six months. The local public health department will love you for it.

[jilligirl]

Why do my friends seem to think this is so awful? If everyone knows about it and it's acceptable to all parties involved, is it wrong?

 

because society says it's wrong, so they just nod their heads and go along with it. that's why.

 

it's only wrong if NOT all adults are consentual. but in your situation, everyone's ok with it. so have fun, just don't get attached to him emotionally. i actually encourage you to see other people.

[Batya33]

because society says it's wrong, so they just nod their heads and go along with it. that's why.

 

it's only wrong if NOT all adults are consentual. but in your situation, everyone's ok with it. so have fun, just don't get attached to him emotionally. i actually encourage you to see other people.

 

But of course you're forgetting or ignoring that the child will suffer in this situation.