SeaBisquit Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 hi, i met this guy and we went on our first date. when he picked me up he asked me to pack a overnight bag because he wanted me to spend the night with him. as i was packing my bags i told myself no way was i going to sleep with him. we got to his place drank a few beers i got pretty drunk and guess what, ended up sleeping with him. we pretty much sat around the rest of the weekend in our underware watching football, i kept asking myself what the hell i was doing because i don't really know this guy..... but i really had alot of fun and felt like i had knew him for along time. he says that he really wants to see me again and that will have alot of fun in the future. i'm sitting her now hoping that he will call me because i really want to see him again, but i have a feeling he might just be wanting sex. Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 wow... you didn't even know this guy and you spent the weekend at his house on the first date. it's just sex. sorry but that what i think. Link to comment
dogheadma Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 You didn't want to sleep with him but decided to spend the night and get drunk with him on the first date? I don't know about that one.... Just keep it light. Don't put too much pressure on the situation. After all, you don't even know each other yet. Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 yes, you should have had a pretty good idea that when he asked you to spend the night he was assuming the two of you would be engaging in sex. Link to comment
kelkel Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 KNOCK KNOCK it's a first date! unless he taking you outa the country and u sleeping in separate room in a nice hotel what u need over night bag for, take me out and carry me home.........the mere fact that you agreee, plus you thought of sex even if u kept saying no psychologically u already said sex is in the equation.......ever heard of STDs, but i guess u know him and he looked safe and we used a condom........sure he might call back, have another bag packed?? thats just my opinion anyway Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 If a guy asked me to pack an over night bag ON THE FIST DATE, I'd show him the door and ask him to lose my number. As far as the date goes, getting drunk and watching sports is a crappy date, in my opinion. Whether or not YOU enjoyed it is the real question. You're an adult, I assume, so you can make you're own choices about what you want in a date. You didn't have to pack the bag, you didn't have to get drunk, nor did you even have to sleep with him, all those things were your choice. A guy asks you to spend the night over and you don't know him too well, his motive is rather obvious. If he doesn't call its an learning experience for you on the wonderful world of dating. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 You shouldnt go to people's houses on a first date. You never know, he could have been a killer, rapist, molester, whatever. There are many crazies out there and it's not worth risking your life. If I were you, I would just let it alone and let him contact you. Did he give you any clue when he might contact you again for a date? If you do get together with him again, meet somewhere public and get to know him for a while before sleeping with him again. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 OK, I'm with the others, for the most part. If you pack a bag, you were packing to stay with him, and the logical conclusion is that sex was a real possibility. It might not have happened, but it did. How good the date was is totally subjective. If you enjoyed it, then it was good. He still wants to see you, so what is the problem? Simple, you had sex too soon and too easily. What to do know? Well, that's a tough one. You will have a tough time stopping with the sex and still having him around. If you however act as if you are using him for sex and being very aloof from letting him have your heart, then you have a chance of him wanting what he thinks he might not be able to have, you for more than sex. Don't put yourself in this kind of position again. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Beec, although he said he wanted to see her again, he hasnt called to set up an actual date and I think the OP is worried about that. He could just have been feeding her a line about "seeing her again". Men do that a lot, esp after getting sex. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Has nothing to do with whether it's a date, at work or with family or friends. He's entitled to assume from here on out that you are available for casual sex, he doesn't have to plan anything or take you out to any public place and he is entitled to assume that this is the kind of behavior that is typical for you. You are lucky that you weren't hurt physically and you might want to consider getting tested for STDS. I wouldn't know how to rate such a date because I would never accept such an "invitation" in the first place. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Beec, although he said he wanted to see her again, he hasnt called to set up an actual date and I think the OP is worried about that. He could just have been feeding her a line about "seeing her again". Men do that a lot, esp after getting sex. I know that. But in her shoes, I think the best thing she could do is go to see him, walk in with clothing that gave him access (so to speak), and then have HER way with him, and when she was done, walk out as if they had a drink together and a five minute conversation. If she needs to ask and bust the most, then she needs to decide if he is what she wants and do it. We want what we cannot have. He's had the sex, so that's not something you can withhold and keep things going. At least from my experiences and from experiences of others that I know about. But a woman who can have HER way with a guy and walk off as if it is nothing, that woman often has the guy chasing after her and wanting more from her than just sex. She in effect is telling him that he is there for her sexual amusement and he cannot have her heart, in which case, he will sometimes work hard to get it. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 We want what we cannot have. He's had the sex, so that's not something you can withhold and keep things going. At least from my experiences and from experiences of others that I know about. But a woman who can have HER way with a guy and walk off as if it is nothing, that woman often has the guy chasing after her and wanting more from her than just sex. She in effect is telling him that he is there for her sexual amusement and he cannot have her heart, in which case, he will sometimes work hard to get it. Wow, very interesting. I will keep a mental note of this. Thanks, Beec! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 That might "work" but why would a woman want to resort to that type of behavior to "get" a man. Seems to me a man who would otherwise not have been interested would not be much of a prize. And that assumes that the woman would be comfortable with no strings attached s_x. Link to comment
zer0effect Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Sounds like a crap first date unless you were expecting the usual once are settled down. Come over, drink, give me some lovin while I can lay around in my boxers whatching football all weekend... Whats your number? Link to comment
Beec Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Wow, very interesting. I will keep a mental note of this. Thanks, Beec! It is a strategy that should only be pulled out at limited times. It's something I recommended to a woman in a friends with beenfits scenario, who wanted it to be more, and it worked. It's something that is kind of now working on a guy I know. In order for it to work, you need a woman who knows she can see a guy, really give him a sexual pounding, and then walk out almost immediately, as if hardly anything happened. And on the way out, she should look at him in a way that is both sly and as if she were talking to a little boy, and tell him that is he is good, he may get some more soon. It works, but it's also taking a big chance. What happens to you if you walk in on a guy wearing a skirt with nothing but stockings and a garter on underneath, and he is not interested? If he sees you as someone to have sex with, that's not likely, but there is always that chance. On the other hand, once you have had sex with a guy before there was any hint of serious relationship, then it might be a chance worth taking, and you might enjoy it too. And Batya33, she's already basically had no strings attached sex. So, I see that as hardly a consideration. And, she may want him because she wants it to be more than just that, for her own reasons or just because she likes that guy. I'm not picking the guy for her, I just know the situation, and I have an idea about how to take a guy in such a situation and make him want a woman bad. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I have never had sex before. That's probably the reason why I have never had a long term relationship. The next guy I meet (if he's decent), I'll reconsider and maybe lose my virginity to him. I'll try the attitude that I don't care and see what happens. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I have never had sex before. That's probably the reason why I have never had a long term relationship. The next guy I meet (if he's decent), I'll reconsider and maybe lose my virginity to him. I'll try the attitude that I don't care and see what happens. hosswhispra, I don't want to go too far off topic, but I might rethink that idea. I cannot get in your head and decide this for you, but my guess is you've remained a virgin because you did not feel there was yet the right time for you to have sex, possibly because the right person was not with you. If that's the case, why change that you have waited for the right guy, not just any decent guy, and time, are you now in a hurry? If it was meaningless, then go ahead and jump at what comes along, if it's not, don't be in a hurry. However, after your first time, after you have had sex with the right guy, then sometime in the ensuing months, you might consider pulling the manuver I suggested. Link to comment
dogheadma Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 No manuevers, no games. Your actions have contradicted your motives. If you would like to have something more than just sex with this guy, (which honestly, is probably all he want(s)(ed) then wait to see if he calls. If not, chalk it up to a lesson learned and don't repeat this mistake in the future. If he calls and you see him again tell him the first time was a drunken fluke and it won't be happening again anytime soon (sex or drinking) and you're going to have to get to know each other better first and then stick to it. That's how you'll know if he's interested in more than sex or not. However, I'm sorry to say, that in his mind the dynamic for this relationship has probably already been set. And please always use condoms. Link to comment
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