More Like a Roommate Than a Wife

[jaaxo]

I need some advice... We've been married almost 30 years and both of our children are grown and have started their own families, so thank goodness, no minor children are involved. I guess it all started many, many years ago when our intimacy and sex life started declining. The last time we were intimate was almost 5 years ago (but who's counting). After trying and trying to get it warmed up again, I finally moved to another bedroom about 2 years ago and this is how we've lived ever since then. I've addressed this and told her that I can't live without intimacy and physical closeness in my life, but nothing has changed. I'm to the point now that I think it's time to reclaim my life and move one. I do not want to live the rest of my life like this. I used to lover her without question, but the past year or so, I almost resent being around her and find reasons (or is it excuses) not to. I guess I'm at the point that I think I want to take the next step and separate in preparation for a divorce.

 

Any advice, opinions, suggestions anyone has out there would be greatly appreciated!

[robowarrior]

Wouldn't separate just yet.

 

This of course is a rather 'incomplete' its not that i have any right to ask what's been happening in your private life. But we really need you to spitt out the full story of what has occurred in her life. For instance 'Communication'

 

Are you two still communicating, have you talked to her about what's wrong? Why she is so distant? She's been your wife for almost 3 decades for crying out loud, its time you deal with whatever has been bugging inside of her head.

 

So what's up with her, what is happening in your relationship? I don't understand at all why she has become so detached in all of this ,please tell us more!

[Dako]

Many couples lose the magic at that stage.

You've obviously worked hard at it to reach this point, and you must know what's what. I won't give you the usual admonitions about working at it and not giving up. 30 years is a long haul, and to descend into being roomates is the pits.

A long relationship can make you doubt your feelings and can make a new relationship very attractive. I know couples who long ago lost intimacy, closeness and even mutual respect but still are among those considered successful, merely by staying together.

 

Divorce after a long marriage is traumatic. If you decide to leave her, just beware that you may sorely miss things you've become accustomed to yet seldom notice. Single life is no picnic, and it takes some adjustment to shake off the ghosts.

I'm doing it myself after 27 years, and it's a mixed bag of emotions.

 

After 30 years, counseling might be worthwhile, if only to verify what's happening.

[lifes good]

maybe think to your self why you first fell in love with her, and ask your self if deep down you do still love her. True love never dies but sometimes the fire could use restoking.A check up might be good for your wife to address her lack of sex drive.

Talk to your wife, work on it, maybe seek counselling.

Wishing you the best of luck.