Not sure if this belongs here but...

[Slartibartfast]

Okay here's the deal. I've had this lady friend around for the past 4 months or so. She's a bit older than me (she's 30, I'm 21), but she and I are basically on the same level when it comes to maturity. 3 weeks ago she broke up with her boyfriend. Partly because he was angry and abusive, and partly because she had a crush on me. After their breakup I helped her move all of her things into her new place and ended up staying the night with her and, well, you know how the story goes. It was great, she's very passionate, cute, comfortable to lay around with, etc. We both have the same interests and enjoy doing alot of the same things. I really started to like her so I asked her if it would be alright to start referring to her as my girlfriend. She smiled and said yes.

 

Well I end up staying with her again the next night. I knew that she just got out of a relationship so I asked her if it was too much that I was spending the whole night with her. She said no, she wanted me to continue staying with her. So I did for about a week.

 

One night, she and I had a few friends over, things got a little noisy (lots of guitar and bagpipe playing) and her room mate (older guy towards his 40s, very bland and boring and hates company and noise) got pretty pissed and said it was time for some of us to leave. Well, she told me that I should go and that one of our friends is going to stay there because he couldn't get a ride home. Male friend by the way. I was a little confused by this but didn't say anything and just left. She told me to come back in the morning when I woke up.

 

The next morning, I get a phone call about my dad being on his death bed. I became a little depressed and wanted to go to her house so that she could keep my mind off of things (she's good at that, just by being there). Well I showed up and found her in bed with my friend.

 

I know that they didn't do anything because she was on her period at the time, so I didn't say anything. But when she came out in the living room to talk to me, she seemed like she didn't even care about my situation with my dad and told me to leave.

 

Well to make a long story short, she ends up sleeping with that guy (I found empty condom packs that weren't mine). I asked her what was going on and she told me that the two of us weren't ever dating to begin with, but we were just two friends having a good time with each other.

 

Now, I may have over reacted here but I was completely led on to believe that she and I were kinda exclusive, so I "argued" with her about it. She told me that I was taking it way too seriously but I don't feel I am. Generally I don't take kindly to people who lie to me and use me. And thats exactly how I feel. Like she just used me to help her after the breakup.

 

She tells me that she and the other guy are just friends too. And she wants me to stay the night with her again. I may have made a mistake by saying yes, but that's what happened. She told me she still has a crush on me but she's just playing the field and having fun. She also said she still wants to do things together because she wants to see if a relationship could happen between us. But, she spends more time with him than me, and the only time she ever calls me is when she needs a ride somewhere or some kind of favor or when the other guy is out of town once a week she asks me to sleep over.

 

I really had a thing for this girl so the jealousy is eating me alive. I don't know if I should still at least try to be friends with her or just stop all contact between us, because honestly, I don't think that I can even be friends with her anymore without feeling stressed out about the whole situation.

 

 

 

I'm proud of anyone who had the patience to read through all of that.

 

 

So, does anyone have any advice?

[rose2summer]

Wow!!! Welcome to ENA

 

With regards to your post, if you like having left-overs, then sure go for it.

 

But she is stringing you along as she sleeps with others.

 

Not only will this wreak havok on you emotionally, it puts you at risk for STD's.

 

Are you going to let her have her cake and eat it too?

 

I think you need some time away from her because this situation is not healthy in any way.

 

Hugs, Rose

[Slartibartfast]

Thank you for the welcoming and insight Rose.

[Jalys]

No no no no... no way. Show some pride, dignity, and self-respect dude!. Unless you are into that sort of thing, stand up for your self, confront her and tell her its over. You deserve better than that!

[Slartibartfast]

So I basically told her off last night. She told me earlier in the day that she wanted to just hang out like we used to do back in the day and have a good time. I told her to call when she gets off work. Well, she called me but she said her friend just got into a fight with her boyfriend and wanted to have a drink or two and she would be done in 30 mins and would give me a call.

 

She never called. I ended up get called into work (I'm a bartender) and she was there with another guy. She was leaving just as I was getting off work and I asked if we were going to hang out still. She said to give her a call when I get done changing clothes.

 

I called her and she was at home with this other guy that she was at the bar with. So I told her that she was one of my best friends (I don't have many friends to begin with, and I haven't known her for long, but we just clicked instantly) for a while but since she has been blowing me off so much lately and treating me like crap even though I was always there to help her out, I didn't want to be friends with somebody like her. I let her know that she isn't the person she makes herself out to be (a caring, friendly person is who she thinks she is). I told her not to call me again until she decides she's done jerking me around and wants to apologize for the stress that she had put on me.

 

She tried to put it back on me and say that I was too "intense" for her. She thinks I'm obsessing with the whole "fling" that we had going for a while. I've tried to tell her numerous times that, although, I was a bit upset about that before, the main reason why I was so pissed is because she kept making plans with me, and then changing them without letting me know. I don't think that I was wrong to get mad about something like that. I get mad at any of my friends when they do that. It just makes me feel kinda crappy when I'm waiting to meet somebody somewhere and they never show, then it turns out they just went to hang out with someone else without giving me a heads up on it.

 

After telling her all this, she said "okay, that's fine" and hung up the phone.

 

On one hand, I feel good for finally sticking up for myself in this situation, rather than just following her lead and hoping. But on the other, I'm kinda regretting it because she really was like a best friend to me until recently so it sucks not having that anymore.

 

Meanwhile, I met a girl the other night, and we have a date this friday, so we'll see how that goes.

[duncan33]

She is not a good friend if she treats you like dirt...realtionships are based on friendship and I think alot of us forget that...Treat others how you want to be treated...don't hang out with this chick anymore and have fun on your date! She isn't worth your time...

[Slartibartfast]

She is not a good friend if she treats you like dirt...realtionships are based on friendship and I think alot of us forget that...Treat others how you want to be treated...don't hang out with this chick anymore and have fun on your date! She isn't worth your time...

 

You're very right my friend. Unfortunately I found that out the hard way in this situation.

[Rabican]

Its obvious that she is more interested in getting some "strange" than she is in being commited to anyone, you included.

 

This can go two ways, you enjoy the FWB scenario, and realize that its nothing more than that. Try to put your jealousy on the back burner, and just remember to wear a rubber!!!

 

Or, you can disengage from the whole situation, tell her that you are not interested in casual sex with a girl who wants multiple partners... move on and forget you knew her.