Spidey12 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 I found her, the perfect girl. Heres the thing however, I met her at school but she told me she had a boyfriend of 7 years. Well seven years is no small feat for a relationship, so I just let it go. But I could tell there was something going on subliminaly. Long story short, her boyfriend lives back in her hometown accross the country and she now goes to school here...where I am. So the more we got to know each other, the more we admitted how attracted we were to each other, and then hand holding turned into cuddling and cuddling turned into other things...and then finally about 4 nights ago we kissed. She is torn apart now, between her boyfriend and me. Me...she met 3 weeks ago and has this insane love for. Him...a relationship thats been going on for 7 years, but she says she is happy with him. She is visiting him now, and she has not told him about me but she keeps sending me all these texts about how she'd rather be with me, or how she feels guilty being away from me...but not guilty when shes away from him. We are both 20, and she will be back in 2 days. Ever since she left to see her boyfriend she's been hot and cold with me....one second sending me all these crazy texts and then other times just saying goodnight to me earlier than usual (but i have a feeling she'll send another one when I don't respond). I have this eerie feeling that I'm going to get hurt, though I don't doubt her sincerity...in 7 years she has never cheated on her boyfriend until she met me. In fact I'm only the second person she has ever kissed. This girl is incredible and we have so much in common, and she frequently makes comparisons between me and her boyfriend, all of which make me sound better ie "my boyfriend is funny, but you just blow him away" or "he doesn't look at me the same way you do" or "hes not on my mind all the time, like you are". I don't know what to do. I want her so badly, I need her so badly. she is absolutely perfect, or damn near close to it. Should I be distant to her while she is with her boyfriend? Should I make ultimatums? Should I sit back and wait? Advice on how to keep her insane about me will be very welcome. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Advice on how to keep her insane about me will be very welcome. may i suggest that you DON'T do that? please study the following diagram carefully: YOU everyone else Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Geez, know how to make a girl feel guilty huh?? She's obviously interested in you, but she has a boyfriend. In my opinion, she first needs to cut things off with him before you guys get any more deeper than you already are. It's a question of ethics at this point. Link to comment
Spidey12 Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 AHHHHH...you guys have no idea how hard this is...by the way I broke up with my girlfriend because of this girl......2 days before we kissed actually... I just knew as soon as I met this girl something would happen. Now im in love with a girl who is in love with me...but we are ethically incorrect. what to do, what to do. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 If she is truly in love with you, she will dump her boyfriend and be with you. After all isn't she only 20? And hasn't she been with this guy for 7 years? Yeah, I think you guys might have a solid chance here. Call me crazy, but I almost think that it is strange that she's so young and yet she's managed to spend almost half of her life committed to one guy. Think about it, let's say if she ends up dumping this guy, and immediately starts going out with you. She'll never learn how to be alone, and she may for the rest of her life become a serial dater, jumping from one relationship to another? But maybe I'm totally off mark here. Ultimately, who knows? Maybe you guys are each other's soul mates? Link to comment
johnagent1911 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 I agree with slightlybent... Awesome post. I have to say though if she wants you man then wait for her to come to you. Play it cool and cold with her. Key phrase: "WAIT for her. DON'T chase." -1911 Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 You love her because you can't have her. The giveaway here is you say she's *The One*. BS, mate! After 3 weeks or so...and you havn't even been in a relationship with her? To answer your question, back off and let her decided what she wants. Nothing physical with her again until she says for certain *I Have Finished With X, And I Want You*. THEN you can go into a relationship, and possibly get your heart broken because she's the kinda girl who has no qualms about cheating on her boyfriend with you! Link to comment
Spidey12 Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 You love her because you can't have her. The giveaway here is you say she's *The One*. BS, mate! After 3 weeks or so...and you havn't even been in a relationship with her? To answer your question, back off and let her decided what she wants. Nothing physical with her again until she says for certain *I Have Finished With X, And I Want You*. THEN you can go into a relationship, and possibly get your heart broken because she's the kinda girl who has no qualms about cheating on her boyfriend with you! I don't think shes a cheater....I'm just one of a kind hahaha.. so I guess the basic jist is to let her come running after me... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 It is incredibly tacky of her to compare her boyfriend to you - in front of you -how will it feel when she starts doing sexual/physical comparisons? Tell her not to contact you at all until she is apart from her boyfriend for at least three months. See how strong her "insane" love is. You don't want insane, you want love that is based on actually knowing you as a person, not just as a comparison to her boyfriend. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 you: got involved with a girl who has a boyfriend of seven years. she: is running around with you behind his back. i gues you do sound like a pretty good match... but one day there may be trouble when the word "integrity" comes to have meaning to one or the other of you. not to mention the word "infatuation"... i know this post sounds harsh and i apologize for how you might receive my bluntness, but if you want to avoid heartache you might want to start taking notice of that big red flag. one day she's going to run into somebody she thinks is funnier and more attractive than you, and what do you suppose she'll do? Link to comment
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Wow Spidey, my best friend is in a similar situation as you. She has a boyfriend of 10 years that she is now engaged to. She met my friend at a party and realized they have a ton in common, along with a mutual attraction that is pwerful indeed. They live in the same neighborehood and hang out a few times a week. Her boyfriend lives 10 miles away and sees her once a week. She is slowly growing apart from her boyfriend, but not far enough. My friend and the girl have been having an affair. She is torn. She loves her fiance, but she is not sure she wants to marry him. She "really likes" my friend, has more in common with him, is more attracted to him and sometimes wishes she weren't engaged. My best friend however, is not thinking in your line. He doesn't care about the boyfriend, but he does care about his own sanity. I told him months ago to end it and he's considering doing so because he knows she is not ready to dump her fiance for him. He wants 100% devotion, not wondering what she's doing with her boyfriend while they're together. For you, I say you do one of two things. 1) Get your leatgher jacket, turn up the collar and challenge her boyfriend to a good ol' fashioned rumble behind the soda shop. The loser walks away empty handed and the winner has her for keeps. That is the only way you can have her by your own control, which of course will NOT happen. So all kidding aside... 2) Step back and let her decide for herself, but don't wait on her. Find someone who can give you herself 100%. AntiLove Superstar said it best about you labeling her "The One" after less than a month. This does not make her "The One", just "The One Right Now." I've met tons of perfect girls for me. They pop up every now and then. If you two can be together, nature will have to take it's course, she'll have to evolve towards you and dissolve away from her current beau. I wouldn't wait while twiddling my thumbs because life is too short, but if you want to, good luck with that. I really do sympathise with what emotions you're going through. Good luck to all three of you with whatever paths are chosen. ] Link to comment
kelkel Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 1) Get your leatgher jacket, turn up the collar and challenge her boyfriend to a good ol' fashioned rumble behind the soda shop. The loser walks away empty handed and the winner has her for keeps. That is the only way you can have her by your own control, which of course will NOT happen. .......i like that...... do it like they do in the animal world strong shall survive !! But seriously, Its hard to throw away 7 years...........for 3 weeks....... come on, ye u click and u feel its perfect, but u said she coming back so give it about 6 months......if 6 months seems too long for u then hun, that guy with 7 years deserves her more........... However it all comes down to her and between u and i, she might come to u simply for exploration purposes to be with one guy for 7 years and ur only 20, u gonna wanna taste whats out there, so i would say, u in the bag! you got it ! weeeeeeeeee! i would put money it.............if i werent broke ! Link to comment
Spidey12 Posted October 8, 2006 Author Share Posted October 8, 2006 If I were the girl in this situation..what advice would you guys give me then? Link to comment
Lansing Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 I think for the girl, everything is "new and adventurous" with you, so, that is part of your appeal to her. She is probably realizing she is 20 years old and up to a few weeks ago had only kissed one guy. She is probably thinking she needs to explore other guys to see what is out there. If I were advising you, I would tell her to decide but that you aren't sticking around while she is dating both of you.... If I were giving her advice, I would tell her, decide but don't date both! Link to comment
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 If I were the girl in this situation..what advice would you guys give me then? Simple question for her to answer: Knowing you can't have both, who do you want? Link to comment
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