toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 i think i read somewhere that it is really hard for a man to say "im sorry", "i was wrong" etc.... instead of waiting for words, woman should just look at mans actions, cause it's easier for him to show how he feels than say it do you agree? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Yes, I agree. How often do people apologize for their actions and then turn around and repeat the same behaviour. Verbal apologies do not guarantee a change in behaviour. I would much rather have someone SHOW me he is sorry rather than tell me he is sorry. By the way, I don't think you can generalize and say that trait is for men. Not all men are like that. Also, there are plenty of women who have a hard time saying they are sorry. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 That may in fact be a sad truth, yet I still certainly don't agree with it. An adult should verbally apologize for any of his wrong doings, why you ask? Because that's what being a mature, sincere and accountable adult is all about. Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 me and my ex are friends now...only electronicaly though ...im pretty good with this relations... but there are days that i wanna ask him to apologize for dumping me and having new girl right away...i know it wouldnt change anything but i just want to hear it he's writing me stuff like: im glad that we are friends now, im so lucky to have you, i owe you everything, your the best... etc, but he never said: im sorry are those sentences equal to "im sorry"? Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 i think i read somewhere that it is really hard for a man to say "im sorry", "i was wrong" etc.... instead of waiting for words, woman should just look at mans actions, cause it's easier for him to show how he feels than say it do you agree? I think you need both actions AND words. what is it that he was wrong about or should be sorry. if you feel an apology is in order, don't just sweep the issue under the rug. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 me and my ex are friends now...only electronicaly though ...im pretty good with this relations... but there are days that i wanna ask him to apologize for dumping me and having new girl right away...i know it wouldnt change anything but i just want to hear it he's writing me stuff like: im glad that we are friends now, im so lucky to have you, i owe you everything, your the best... etc, but he never said: im sorry are those sentences equal to "im sorry"? YIKES! um? why do you need an apology? why do you even still talk to him? if he dumped you for another woman, what difference do his words or actions make at this point. You deserve better. Link to comment
dude69 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 I try not to say sorry just by itself because its just to easly said. What i do is i mix both words with actions. So if im really sorry for something, i will make it up to them 2-3 times better then what they imagined it in the first place and then I say im sorry. After all, Actions speak louder then words Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Hmm, I think that is a bit over the top. It sounds more like guilt talking rather than feeling badly for hurting you. He is not doing anything for you to show he is sorry...just a lot of sweet talk and buttering you up. In a situation such as yours, it is not often that someone will apologize for breaking up and finding someone new immediately after. You need to get the closure yourself. He has moved on and you need to put this is the past. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 I agree with crazyaboutdogs. what he is saying really is over the top, it is probably fueled by guilt. People will rarely apologize for finding the new love of their lives. After all, it's what we all want! I agree with her -just let it go. Link to comment
DN Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 i think i read somewhere that it is really hard for a man to say "im sorry", "i was wrong" etc.... instead of waiting for words, woman should just look at mans actions, cause it's easier for him to show how he feels than say it do you agree?I think it entirely depends on the individual man - or woman. I have known both behave in that way and both ready to admit when they are wrong and apologise. Beware generalisations when it comes to analysing behaviour and motivations. Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 he didnt really dump me for her... we had problems with communications and lack of time...i was breaking up like two times but then calling him the next day that i didnt mean it... she pretended that she was his friend...i knew that she wanted him and i was acting really jealous... my ex was getting pissed for me crying and asking him not to talk to her, and finally we just stopped talking...and of course she was just there, only waiting for this, so he didnt really had to do anything...they broke up like after 3 months...and those 3 mos were not a honeymoon anyway (i have my sources)...she wasnt the love of his life .... maybe i am... i dont know Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 "actions say more than words." He is telling you all these nice words, like how much he cares.... but he is with another woman. Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 i know what you mean i kinda make a mess by myself... i ment that: he wants to be my friend, initiates contact a lot, is nice and stuff BUT not says straight that "he is sorry"... should i treat this things as an apology? Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 i know what you mean i kinda make a mess by myself... i ment that: he wants to be my friend, initiates contact a lot, is nice and stuff BUT not says straight that "he is sorry"... should i treat this things as an apology? he really has nothing to apologize for. yeah, what he did kind of sucked, but I doubt that he'll apologize for meeting someone new. he may apologize for hurting you. my take is that you're too concerned about what he is thinking and feeling. it can be tricky to be friends with an ex because one person typically cares more than the other. it sounds like you in this case. while you may value his friendship greatly, he may not feel the same intensity back towards you. what do you want him to apologize for? Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 the truth is that im fine with the way it is... but sometimes, like today i had this kind of day that i wanted to punch him or kick him for all this stuff he did ... and i was thinking today that maybe if i would hear simple "im sorry" i would be dealing better with all this stuff... p.s. right now i have the upper hand...he's doing a lot of contact and lately i dont really respond... i know i still have some feelings for him but aparently he cannot forget about me too Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 again, what specifically do you want an apology for? Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 one day i sent him an email with all this stuff he did that hurt me or pissed me... he didnt respond and i thought that our friendship is over, but he was writing to me the next day like nothing happened, and being even nicer then ever, but he didnt mention that email i sent him...i know he read it (i have to option that shows me) i think i would just want him to say something like "im sorry for all this things that happened between us, i know i should be honest with you and try to make it less painfull" ...i think that it would be nice to hear it...all his friends know that we are friends now....he's family is happy...the actions are that he is not hiding our friendship and in a same time he is kinda admiting that he made mistake breaking up with me....this is how i feel Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 I think he's a jerk if you told him what you were upset about and ignored it. I hate it when people are dismissive like that. I would forget him. or if you don't want to forget him, then call him and tell him that it wasn't cool to just ignore your e-mail like that. I wouldn't let it slide. what kind of friend is he if you can't be open and honest with him, and he with you? Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 we dont really talk about us or about this other girl... mostly schools and jobs... it's not that i need him to be honest... we had a closure phone talk like two weeks after not talking (after break-up)...he said then that he was sorry that he fell out of love and that all this stuff happned between us... but it was like 5 mos ago and i think that it would be nice to hear it one more time now when we are friends Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 you don't need him to be honest, you just need him to say "I'm sorry" for something he may or may not be sorry for? Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 i ment i dont need him to have honest converstations with him now...i dont need that...we are friends but we talk about stupid, funny stuff or problems with schools or jobs... i dont need him to be honest about his love life (if there is any) thanks annie24...this is actually what i wanted.... reality check i know you are right and actually now i see that i dont really know what i want from him... i guess i just stop thinking about his words and actions Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 one day i sent him an email with all this stuff he did that hurt me or pissed me... he didnt respond and i thought that our friendship is over, but he was writing to me the next day like nothing happened, and being even nicer then ever, but he didnt mention that email i sent him...i know he read it (i have to option that shows me) I am talking about this. if you sent him a list of things that were bothering you, and he never acknowledged it or responded or said anything, then that sucks. You needed to hear an honest response, not no response. even if he said he disagreed with you about everything, the fact that he just blew you off was really disrespectful. Link to comment
toonicegirl Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 yeah i know what you mean...i kinda ignored him lately and if he asks why i think i will tell him about that email...it was like 3 weeks ago but i think if he wants to be my real friend he should respond on that email, not ignore it Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 yeah i know what you mean...i kinda ignored him lately and if he asks why i think i will tell him about that email...it was like 3 weeks ago but i think if he wants to be my real friend he should respond on that email, not ignore it exactly! if you two are really friends, then you need to talk about it. Link to comment
sixpounder Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 i only say it when i mean it, i dont joke about those kind of things Link to comment
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