Sex extremely painful for girlfriend

[robowar]

Hey guys,

 

This is purely a technical/mechanical question about sex. My girlfriend and I have had sex twice now (we were both virgins). It's been really painful for her both times. The first time I could only put about an inch in because it hurt so bad for her. The second time we got up to about three inches going extra slow but I couldn't thrust because that hurt her. But with all this adjusting and going slow and such my erection gets a little flimsy and I have to pull out and regain it. I've got a fair amount of girth on me and she's a pretty small girl, and things are pretty clumsy in the bedroom lol. She's tried relaxing and we go slow and everything but it still really hurts for her. Will this just get better with more attempts?

 

Also, it's important to note that she hardly ever fingers herself and she's really tight even when I finger her.

 

And yes we use protection and such. And please, don't judge the fact that we have made the decision to lose our virginity together. I'm just looking for advice with respect to my question. Thanks!

[annie24]

hi - what you are describing sounds pretty common. especially for girls who are young and inexperienced. many women may "tense up" when they are uncomfortable. if you two are pretty young, and she was a virgin, she may not be mature enough and mentally ready to handle sex, which is why she is "involuntarily tensing."

 

my advice would be to back off and not pressure her. what you are decribing is her body's way of telling her she is not ready for sex.

[robowar]

I have my doubts about that. We waited a year and a half before making love. I think it has more to do with the fact that the biggest thing she had ever penetrated herself with was two of her small fingers before we did it and I'm almost 2x wider than that. And also, there was no pressuring involved.

[rightfromthestart]

ahhhhhhh..excuse me...how can u be virgins and be sexual activity. correct me if i am wrong but isn't a virgin someone that has not had sex, and isn't the notion of virginity a little dated in this day and age?

[Freshie58]

Hmm I'm sorry but i think you guys are a lil young for that,but whatever floats your boat.

But what about a different type of sex?not vaginal

[annie24]

well, sex can be painful for many women the first few times.

 

it can also be a sign that she is nervous, and that's what makes her tense up.

 

tell her to explore her body a bit.

[quietgrl]

I agree with annie24 and Freshie58.A 16 years old is too young to be having sex.

[Aschleigh]

He isn't asking for your opinions on wheather he should have sex or not.

He already made that decision, she did too. As long as neither is being forced into anything , why don't you keep your opinions to yourself.

Moralizing isn't going to help anyone.

Just take it slow. If she can take some tylenol or if she smokes pot before hand that might help. Otherwise making sure there is lots of lubrication. Saliva is the best, but massage oil or KY jelly is good too.

Remember to talk everything over. Open communication is the best lubricant ever. Women need a lot of forplay. Are you kissing and rubbing each other for a long time? Little things like playing with her hair, rubbing her back, kissing her all over will get her body in a relaxed mood.

Just take your time. It will happen. Good luck.

[annie24]

i am not trying to moralize, but I must say, that I do feel uncomfortable giving a 16 year old sex tips.

 

however, i know from personal experience that if you are tense, nervous, etc, you just aren't going to 'open up'. The human body is really amazing and can tell you to "slow down" when it feels you are going too fast.

 

remember - the female body is designed to give birth to a baby that can be 13 inches in diameter, so if she is relaxed and ready, a penis should not be extremely painful.

 

which is what makes me think that she is not ready and is nervous.

[SnowFlurry]

I had this same problem, I'm also very petite. I tried sex for the first time when I was 17 and we were both virgins. We never got it right and it was very very painful for me, so eventually we both stopped trying and stuck to oral sex. Only until I had sex with someone who WASN'T a virgin and was much more experienced did I ever get used to sex and get through the pain. It's mainly the first thrust to enter that hurts very bad. Once it is in, it's not AS bad. And if you keep doing it, eventually it WILL stop hurting. It took me about 8 or 9 times until it stopped being painful, even now sometimes the intial entry hurts. But trust me, it's soooo worth it My advice: Try to enter her quickly and in one motion. Have your mind set on doing it no matter what the initial pain, don't back down. I would also suggest you being on top because it will probably be easier for her that way. Good luck!

[quietgrl]

Aschleigh,

 

I don't know if your post is address to me but i'll answer your post.Everybody gave their honest opinion on this topic so if a person doesn't want to hear differant people's opinion ( You).This person shouldn't ask for it or read it.That's the real world baby.It's hard to listen to the whole truth when it's concern you and others but Your opinion Aschleigh on this topic is no more important or better then mine or others . A person reading this thread can learn from all side not just one side that you want to betray

I have a right to speak my opinion and if you don't like what i have to say. That's your problem not mine .I don't need to hear your personal hangup about my opinions.

[thegirl_00]

I had the same problem the first 5 times or so i tried to have sex. It just takes time.

[Cadence308]

Glad to hear that you are rolling on the old helmet when you want to play! Better to be safe than sorry.

 

It takes women longer to warm up for sex than it does a guy. It sounds like she is not as turned on as you are, so her body is not as prepared for sex as yours is. Women like A LOT of touching and kissing, and rubbing downstairs before any kind of penetration. I would suggest doing these things before penetration. Have you tried going down on her and getting her to orgasm before vaginal sex? Or even rubbing her down there with lots of kissing so that she gets nice and wet and hopefully even gets off before intercourse? When she is really turned on she will be really wet and she will open up. KY jelly is also a good lubricant.

[NKP]

Yeah do lots of kissing and rubbing and dnt try to put it in her till she is really wet down there. Someone said going down on her that is a real good idea she will get really really horney then pull you up to have sex.

 

Also get her to start or you fingering her to get her use to it so it wont hurt as much.

 

Oh and abut the age he said he doesnt want people saying crap about his age and really so what he is 16 the first time i had sex was 15, its just sex everyone is having it young now anyway, atless he is 16 and not 13

[anna_k]

As lost&broken said:

 

Get either you or her to try; first with one finger, then with two and so on. I heard it as a suggestion at a med lecture once. Gentle pressure, gentle stretching....gently!! Getting her to start is a good idea and when she's relaxed, you could take over. Or you could actually do it together, that way you will know how much pressure is enough.

 

And lubricant is the best thing since sliced bread.

 

re: the age thing: At least he's taking some responsibility and asking about this. I see too many young kids just going and getting hurt and scarred for a very long time.

[robowar]

Thanks for the replies so far guys. She was really wet when we tried both times so that's not the issue. Someone suggested making her orgasm before penetrating her, is that a good idea? I know that if a guy orgasms he loses his horniness for a little while, is the same true for girls? I've been going down on her beforehand but avoiding making her come.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

robowar: that's a very good idea. Grrrls aren't like guys when it comes to orgasms.

 

quietgrl: No one asked you what you thought of the age the OP chose to have sex at. In fact, no one asked anybody and if you have a problem with people under a certain age having sex, maybe you should start a thread about that because that isn't the topic of this thread.

[annie24]

hey - it's not like I'm ancient and don't know that kids have sex at 14,15, and 16. heck, I was right in that age range myself and that's how it was when i went to high school.

 

anyways, someone told me a very good analogy - trying to have sex is like trying to fall asleep. if you are sitting there saying, "ok, must fall asleep! must fall asleep! must fall asleep!" .... it's not going to happen! you have to relax and let it happen.

 

if you two are so focus on "doing this act", it may be causing a lot of "pressure" and cause a lot of "frustrations" when you can't seem to make things work. which probably causes her to tense up even more.

 

like you said, if she is lubricated and it is still painful, it really sounds like her PC muscles may be tensed up, involuntarily. the muscles can go into spasm and it is difficult to control. the PC muscles extend about 3 inches or so into her vagina, which is why the others are saying that once you get in, it is easy to stay in. however, forcing your way in can be EXTREMELY PAINFUL for her, if she is tensing involuntarily (a condition called vaginismus).

 

that's why I keep saying to just chill out and wait for a while. trying to force the issue will not be pleasant for either of you and just make you more frustrated.

[InaneCathode]

Pfft lol. It takes 3 posts til people start judging the OP. He didnt ask if he was right or wrong for the decision to have sex.

That aside:

Can she describe what kind of pain it is? For me and my gf, the first couple times hurt like the * * * *ens due to not enough lubrication. My first guess would be that. Then nerves, then physical size.

[Jess90]

Hey,

 

I'm 16 too and I've lost my virginity so I don't have a problem at all about your age. Personally I think you're being very responsible because for starters you are using protection, which a lot of young people don't think about or don't want to use, and secondly you have posted on here for advice on how to stop your girlfriends pain, even though you know you are going to be judged because of your age.

 

Next time you try having sex make sure she is wet, either play with her clit or go down on her. That often works. Going down on her would also mean that your saliva lubricates her as well as her own wetness. But other than that I think the best thing you could do would to be to finger her (actually insert your finger inside her) with one finger to start with until she gets used to it and then two when she is ready. Depending on how big your fingers are and how big your penis is depends on if you should try three fingers. For me intercourse doesn't hurt but when my boyfriend tried putting three fingers in it did. But by fingering her with one then two fingers it will get her used to the feel of something big inside of her. Then she may be able to cope with your penis inside her.

 

As to just thrusting in all in one go, I'm not so sure about it. It could work but it could also put your girlfriend in a hell of a lot of pain. You'd need to make sure she wanted you to do that before you did it. Personally I think it might damage her if she is that tight.

 

Basically just take things slow and let your girlfriend tell you what she is ready for. Try the fingering her thing. Maybe just do that a few times before you even consider having sex again. Also if intercourse is causing your girlfriend that much pain then you could always stick to just masturbating each other and oral sex. Neither me or my boyfriend have had an orgasm when we have had sex although we both enjoy it, however we have both orgasmed from masturbating ourselves and each other. So sometimes it can actually be more pleasurable to stick to the other things than to have actual intercourse. I hope that helps.

 

One more thing though. The age thing. I don't know where you are from but I noticed a lot of the people with concerns to your age were from America. From what I know the law is different there to what it is in the UK. Here the legal age to have sex is 16 so if you are from the UK you are doing nothing wrong.

 

Love Jess xxxxx

[sparkle1]

hows about you let her have control of how much of your penis she can take?

 

Do all of the things previously said. Lubrication. Get her wet. If she is in control - she might relax more.

 

Ask her to sit on top of you. And let her lower herself on to you - rather then you entering her. She can stop when/if it hurts....and sit there, her vagina will get used to you.

 

There is no other explanation for her tightness, she will probably have a baby one day as previously mentioned. This sounds more phycological then physical.

 

Good luck - keep trying, be patient!!! you'll get there in the end!!

 

X

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Hmmm- are some of you trying to suggest that being petite means having a tighter/smaller vagina? Not so ! Everyone's different regardless of shape or size. If that's the sort of stereotype you're trying to perpetuate then all the men are gonna go around trying to sleep with the petite girls only! And that's not good for tall ( 5' 8 ) medium framed girls like moi.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Okay, but to answer the original poster's question- it will take some time. Invest in some lube.

 

When I first became sexually active (15 but that doesn't make it right!) the guy I was with couldn't even get his penis inside me. Whether that was my nerves and me tensing up or because my vagina had not yet had anything that large inside to stretch it, I don't know. But over time her vagina will accommodate and stretch so you can fit and have sex normally. It will just take a few times. It actually took me 10 or more times before my partner was able to fully get it in and thrust without it being horribly painful, and that took some lube. Also, someone said foreplay- yes, that's important. Lots and lots.

 

Don't forget condoms, young man.

[robowar]

Alright, my girlfiend and I tried again today, and it was still really painful for her. I really don't think it's nervousness or an unreadiness to have sex because when I showed up at her house today, she dressed up really sexy by her own volition and was practically dragging me to bed. See, the thing is that she never even fingers herself... she masturbates with only clitoral stimulation. So me fingering her with just one finger feels tight anyway. So with me, we can get about 3 inches in but that takes some effort. Also, since I have to stay still and wait for her to adjust, my erection gets a little flimsy and then with her tightness, it's impossible to thrust. She wants really badly for this to work... what can we do?

[CharLit]

Hey Robo,

 

When i first started having sex it hurt for the first ten times at least, no matter how ready I was. Give it time!

 

C