When eye contact is difficult...

[stopit]

Speaking as one of those people who turns fifteen shades of red and feels not butterflies but bats in my stomach upon seeing the guy I like, I never really understood how it is people make eye contact without it becoming awkard and uncomfortable.

 

I'm one of those people (thank god for defense mechanisms who look down and avoid eye contact at all costs with the guy I'm attracted to. It's just too intense I guess, and I can't think straight when I'm around him because I get so flustered, let alone when he's looking into my eyes.

 

So how do you get the confidence to maintain lasting eye contact in conversation? And how do you play it safe on the subtle variation between outright staring and natural eye contact when speaking to the person you're attracted to?

[quietgrl]

I'm glad you brought this question up.There is a guy at work who won't give me eye contact.He almost bump into me

[need2bme]

I think it just takes practice. Plus, ya gotta feel good about yourself. I know that sometimes, I look away, without even meaning to. That is a habit I am trying to break.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Lucky for me I don't have to maintain eye contact with the ladies. They don't look at me long enough to establish the 'ol eye lock, so I'm in the clear! \\

 

Wait, why is that good?

[New_Horizons]

I'm weird. I find it impossible to make eye contact with strangers (women) but if it's a woman I know even slightly, or a woman who stops to talk to me, I am comfortable staring their brains out.

[atraceofblood]

I think it might take practice. I know I used to be super shy, but over the years I've become more confident. I have had trouble keeping eye contact (and still do), but I have found myself looking at women in the eyes way more often than ever before!

 

so yeah, I think you should just practice little by little. If you really like a guy, I say go for it and talk to him!

 

I think the next step I need to work on is making smiles.

[iggy320]

Maybe you could practice eye contact with guys you aren't attracted to, and then apply the ability to the guy you like and hope it works.

[stopit]

Thanks guys! So I gotta practice and gain some confidence. (and it's nice to know I'm not the only one in this situation!)

 

I'm still wondering though how to look without staring at the person? I can't seem the strike the harmonious chord between stiffness and avoidance (looking too much vs. not looking at all).

 

Weird problem to have, I know, but if you just look at the person without moving at all, without so much as blinking, it's a bit creepy. I want to know how you can be natural at the same time.

[atraceofblood]

Thanks guys! So I gotta practice and gain some confidence. (and it's nice to know I'm not the only one in this situation!)

 

I'm still wondering though how to look without staring at the person? I can't seem the strike the harmonious chord between stiffness and avoidance (looking too much vs. not looking at all).

 

Weird problem to have, I know, but if you just look at the person without moving at all, without so much as blinking, it's a bit creepy. I want to know how you can be natural at the same time.

 

I was glancing over a book on a body language and it said to try to keep a 3 second stare then look away, to show interest. Not sure if that is the norm or whatever, but I am going to try it and I think you should too! Don't worry about the blinking. Oh and see if you can see if their pupils dilate and get bigger, because I think that may be a sign of interest.

 

anyways, I've always had a hard time staring at girl more than a second when they look, and I am guessing if they keep looking at your regardless of whether it's 3 seconds or not, then they probably have some sort of interest in you.

 

but of course I think the only to find out about interest is to talk to the person.

[Markers]

don't stare, obviously. Try looking a bit sideways maybe, practice in front of mirror to make some kind of flirty look..

[RichieR123]

I think 3 seconds is a little long. 2 is about right. And, if he catches you looking at him, SMILE. If you smile when he catches you then he will not think its creepy. Where as if you don't smile and look away, you get the 'I'm embarrassed' thing. And smiling is deffinitely hard if you;re not used to it, so do it with people you're not attracted to first. Like people you pass on the street at stuff.