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I've posted on here in the past, but needed some advice on something new. I met with my psychologist the other day over my relationship gone bad. It was with an older woman (As usual), and doesn't have a happy ending. I seem to have a pattern of picking the wrong women for me, and suffering heartbreak. Anyhow, he asked me "How do you feel towards women?" Without thinking, I began telling him everything I thought was wrong. I did not say one positive thing. This was quite enlightening to me. My mom has not really been there for me, and we only get along on the surface. I have had to fight hard to get to where I am, and many of the women I have dated act weak and helpless- qualities I dislike. I'm not sure how to improve my attitude, or alter my thinking, but I need help. What I'm doing is not working. I'm tired of hurting others and being hurt. =(

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And what did your psychiatrist suggest you do about it? Did he .. give you any exercise to work on???

 

Are there.. Any women that you can say positive things about? Any women who you'd say were strong... independent... self-reliant???

 

What was your mom like?? I wonder that you attract "weak women"

 

And ... What does that mean to be weak??? what is your definitiion of weak??

I see that your screen name is STANDTALL... does that mean your a big guy??? well heck... most women would be shorter than you? Is that a weakness???

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I met with my psychologist the other day over my relationship gone bad. It was with an older woman (As usual), and doesn't have a happy ending. I seem to have a pattern of picking the wrong women for me, and suffering heartbreak. Anyhow, he asked me "How do you feel towards women?" Without thinking, I began telling him everything I thought was wrong. I did not say one positive thing. This was quite enlightening to me.

 

Sometimes you start talking about a subject to someone and all these feelings are expressed that you didn't know you had - and that you may be dismayed to have. I think that this is something to *definitely* explore with your psychologist in much greater depth; is that something that you're going to be able to do?

 

I don't know, I'm no expert, but it strikes me that you're not going to be able to have a successful relationship whilst you are so subconsciously anti-woman. Do you have many female friends, and if so, do you feel so negatively towards them? I wonder if this is something that you could explore?

 

Sorry not to be more help - it strikes me that the fact that you DID find out you had all these negative emotions you didn't know you had, and that you are willing to explore them further, are points hugely in your favour to working out why you feel like this, and how you're going to get around it in the future.

 

It's easy when you've been disappointed by someone to assume that everyone of that gender is like that, but of course it's not true - the world is a rich and varied place, and there are fabulous women out there for you, and you will be able to find happiness with one of them.

 

Good luck with this!

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I've dated overbearing, high powered women, and they lack any kind of nurturing whatsoever.

 

Just out of curiosity, would any of these traits describe your mother? It could be that through these problematic relationships you're trying to "fix" the first relationship you ever had with a female - your mother.

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Just out of curiosity, would any of these traits describe your mother? It could be that through these problematic relationships you're trying to "fix" the first relationship you ever had with a female - your mother.

 

Most of these describe my mother, and she gets under my skin sometimes when we spend time together. I feel horrible and guilty for feeling that way. I took her on one of my business trips for work, and thought we would grow closer, but no luck. She is the epitomy of "I can't do it myself".

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Try not thinking of women as being only one of the two extremes mentioned (weak or overbearing). Most women fit in the middle and they will often be different at different point in their life. If you chose women that are always weak by your standards sit down and think about how you met them, how you first started to realize they weren't self reliant or how they act toward you. In the future steer away from women who act like that and consciously look at each woman's personality. Also it is possible to be confident and not be overbearing. Power isn't always a product of confidence either. Its usually easy to tell if a person man or woman is going to be a domineering sort, a lot of time domineering people are selfish or self-centered, arrogance is also present.

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I am wanting to find out why I behave this way and end the cycle. I'm thinking of a future with someone, and I can't have that until I resolve this. It is so difficult to battle something you can't see, only feel. My ex doesn't realize this is not about her personally- I need to "Clean out my closet" so to speak, and I was not 100% ready for a relationship. I'm not sure how to resolve my relationship with my mom which may be a good starting point.

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I am so incredibly sad this morning. My ex and I have been talking everyday, and we've been having trouble letting go. I wrote her an e-mail yesterday telling her my feelings and how hurt I've been by some of the things she has done, and I think that's it. I feel so scared and alone right now, and I miss her.

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