I must wear guy-repellant

[renaissancewoman101]

I know I am like a sad sack, always coming here and complaining about my problems. When does anything good ever happen to me? WHEN??????? I think there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with me, like I am wearing some GUY REPELLANT or something like that. People dont notice me or when they notice me, it is usually NOT SOMETHING good.

 

I am happy to be back in school and school's great. Lots of people, stuff to do, stuff to learn. I ended up going out to eat with some people from class last week. One of the guys with us, I had the hots for. Cute guy, funny, likes historical things like Ren Faire stuff. Talked to him at lunch last week a lot. He seemed like he was interested in me. Today, he walked with me to the library to get some stuff. We talked and he seemed happy around me. I was excited that he wanted to go to the library with me. He didnt seem like he had a gf or anything like that. Seemed into me, nice, kind, friendly, etc. Dressed well and had a confident attitude.

 

After getting the research done (and we joked around and chatted while looking up stuff), I asked him if he wanted to go out for coffee with me. He looked at me funny, got real weird and TURNED ME DOWN. He made up an excuse and said he had to go (aka fled the scene). This is great, I have class with him (he's in both my classes) and now I am going to look like the supreme fool. Ugh!!!

 

This time i have no clue. This was not a blind date or anything like that. He knows me from class. It must be my height or that I am ugly. I need to dress up snazzier, wear makeup, or at least some jewelry. I dont look good. I am too overweight and I am so tiny.

 

I repel people. No one wants to date me or even be seen with me. Nobody likes me.

 

I am not asking for pity, ok. Just ranting and scratching my head about myself.

 

People dont like me. You guys like me because none of you guys know me in person or have seen me in person (except for a few people). If you saw me in person, you guys would probably run away screaming. And the people who do know me, nobody would ever want to date me.

 

I am not good enough for anybody.

 

I want T back. At least I was good enough for him. I miss him a lot.

[friscodj]

Get a hold of yourself, hang in there, and try to forget about guys for awhile. It sure sounds like you need a good, long break from dating to recollect yourself. You've got a lot going on in your life to be happy and thankful for.

 

You seem to be wrapped up in this "T" character too. Time to flush the toilet on guys and the idea of dating for awhile, figure your stuff out, get happy with yourself independent of dating and attachment to a man, and come back strong.

 

Take your time too. Better to come back strong and refreshed later than less-than-such now. That would be setting yourself up for more heartache...

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

you have to be good enough for yourself before you can be good for anyone else...

 

One thing i noticed you said about the guy at the library ...was that he was confident... what makes you think others won't notice your lack of confidence.

 

Start practicing by saying 3 positive things about yourself...everyday.

 

It sounds so simple..but eventually you will start to believe them and feel better about yourself.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I agree with Frisco on the no guys for a while...especially if you are still wrapped up in the ex.

 

I took a 3 year break from dating, finding a date, wanting a dating, needing a date...nothing...it was about me.

 

Use this time in school as a time for you to develop your confidence, build your social skills, make friends and find interests that you enjoy.

 

 

 

 

Get a hold of yourself, hang in there, and try to forget about guys for awhile. It sure sounds like you need a good, long break from dating to recollect yourself.

 

You seem to be wrapped up in this "T" character too. Time to flush the toilet on guys and the idea of dating for awhile, figure your stuff out, get happy with yourself independent of dating and attachment to a man, and come back strong.

 

Take your time too. Better to come back strong and refreshed later than less than such now. That would be setting yourself up for future heartache...

[renaissancewoman101]

I havent been dating since the breakup with my ex in Sept. It's been a year since I actually DATED someone or had a relationship. And I was being upbeat about myself. Lately, I've been pretty upbeat about myself. I like school and am trying to get my life back together.

 

"T" is not exactly an EX. He is my ex-best friend who is gay.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

i don't think it matters....who T was in your life..what matters is that your thoughts are preoccupied with someone else...

 

but that's not the issue here..... the issue i believe is your confidence...you put an extreme amount of focus on your height and how you look...but at our age...everyone is starting to sag and droop in places that they never did...lol

 

I really think you should try giving yourself some positive feedback instead of this negative talk..

[Scotcha]

Ren~

You didn't look like a fool! What you did was very brave and self-assured. It takes guts and confidence to ask a guy out and that in itself is a very attractive quality. The worst that could happen already happened.. And you survived. Don't let his loss cause you to loose out in the future. You went for something you were interested in.. Do the same thing next time.

 

You know, in my family I'm tall for a female at 5'2". I also come from a family of very strong women that have lived through a lot and achieved even more. Height never stopped them from doing anything. When I was in basic training in the Army my platoon had several women under 5'. One of them was 4'10" and another was 4'8". They made it through just like everybody else. I know this wasn't the topic of your post but I've read a lot of what you've written on these boards and it always seems to me that you are very conscious of your height. I just wanted to throw that in there for you.

[renaissancewoman101]

Scotcha, thanks for your kind words. Yes, I can be gutsy at times. I do that so I dont get overlooked. I have a hard time dealing with my height (I am only 4'5") because my mother has spent her whole life telling me how I make her look bad because I am so short. She tells me that she is ashamed of me because of my height. That's hard to deal with. She still tells me things in pity because of my height. That has been one of the down sides of moving back to CA, I see my mother more often than I ever did before.

 

I wont let this get me down. I was just ranting. It just kills my confidence when I get shot down, and it was only for a freaking cup of coffee. It wasnt as though I ASKED him out on a date.

 

Sometimes, I do wonder if I dressed more girly and acted more femmy, would I attract guys? I dont wear makeup a lot and jewelry to me is a watch, a ring, and a bracelet. Nothing else. I hate wearing dresses and skirts.

[Scotcha]

If you dress how you want to dress and act how you want to act you will attract a guy that is TRULY attracted to YOU!

 

And your mother.. Think about this for a minute.. Could you ever picture yourself telling one of your own children something like that and making them feel bad about themselves? Of course not! Think about THAT the next time your mother says something like that to you. It reveals HER character, NOT yours!

 

And this guy that you asked for coffee? I wouldn't let this effect you in any way. Talk to him and remain friendly, mabye things will turn out how you had hoped for.. And if not, having a friend that is going through the same things that you are in your classes is always a positive thing.

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm noticing you and I think you are beautiful, you have exotic and seductive Asian eyes and are just lovely.

 

So, don't worry, we are just shy. Its in our heads that you are beautiful, but cant verbalise it. Dont hold our shiness against us. We notice you when you are not looking and want to approach you, but just shy out of doing so.

[renaissancewoman101]

Scotcha, yes, my mother's opinion of me has poisoned how I think of myself. I have a lot of issues with my height, some of which I am trying to work out in therapy. Moving back to CA has not always been the best thing, since it brings me in closer proximity to my parents, esp my mother. For the last 15 years, I only saw my parents once or twice a year because they lived a 4 hour plane ride away. Now they are only a two hour drive.

 

Luke Skywalker, thanks for your compliment of me.

[Batya33]

During times in my life when I was feeling fragile or vulnerable- particularly after a break up - sometimes I would misread signals as signals of interest or see even a little friendliness as full blown interest. I don't think there was anything wrong with asking him for coffee but I wouldn't ask anyone to have coffee, or anything else for that matter unless you are feeling confident and prepared for rejection (whether you meant it romantically or otherwise).

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke Skywalker, thanks for your compliment of me.

 

My pleasure.

[Markers]

it's good that you decide to come here for help, and there's no need to worry about being "a sad sack complaining".. if people here didn't want to listen, they would turn their computer off and.. not listen

 

I think your problem is located right here: "When does anything good ever happen to me? WHEN???????"

 

You seem to give too much value to dating - it's like you're measuring your happiness mostly by looking at the amount of dates. That's not the way to go! Life is too short to agonize over guys - there's so much more you can enjoy of. Start enjoying of small things that are taken for granted - like frisco said, recollect your life. Then move back to dating when you see things in right perspective again.

 

How about meeting some ENA people who live in your area? You would see that you're liked. Besides, I think you're liked anyways because you seem to have friends at school. Give more value to them, too. My all friends chose to do their military service before starting their school, I'm doing the vice versa. So all my friends were away last summer, and I had very few left. And it was just last summer when I really got to appreciate friends - when I didn't have them.

 

I would just relax and not think about dating for a while, get your life going well first, okay?

[renaissancewoman101]

I am actually doing better today. Yesterday, I was really down on myself because of the rejection. I am going to concentrate on other parts of my life and let dating go for awhile. Not saying I am NOT going to date, but I am going to try to not worry so much about it.