ex's bdays

[Rivpt]

i'm sure this topic came up a bunch of times, but i just wanted to get some people's take on it.

 

i'm not going to get into my story, all you have to know is that i have limited contact with my ex (we don't live in the same state, she is in grad school and i work full time in another city/state)...and that we haven't "dated" in well over a year. our contact consists of emailing every once in awhile, texting sometimes, and hanging out every once in awhile when she is in town. we have both dated other people, her more seriously than me though. for some reason i said i didnt want to be her friend yet that didn't stick with her...so now i just casually respond when she texts me or anything.

 

the point is, i haven't found anybody i care about during this whole time...and i still miss her and the times we had even though it's been so long. every once in awhile i get the feeling she might feel the same way, but is too stubborn to act on it. she slips into her old ways sometimes (in terms of the way she talks, jokes around, flirts) when we have contact.

 

anyways, her bday is next week. last year she came home and i got her a nice present and we went out to dinner. this year i wasn't planning on doing anything except sending a card. should i even do that? i also considered this as a chance to maybe put myself on the line in terms of my feelings, and use her bday to do that. not saying going all out, etc., but maybe write something in the card and see what her reaction is.

 

the one thing i'd like to note, is that on my bday in august...she was the only person that called me at 12 midnight on the dot...and she was accross the country visiting one of her friends and still remembered. not one other person called me on my bday other than her...it was a pleasant surprise.

 

anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences? i'll take anything at this point.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Why are you interested in getting back together with her?

 

Is it because you really feel like she is the one for you, or is it because something is preventing you from moving on.

 

If its the former, then I say go for it--put it all out there. She might come around, she might not.

 

If its the latter, then I think a nice birthday card should be all you send.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[bobo85]

If you and your ex are friends then a simple gift or card is okay. If not then get them nothing or do not even wish them happy bday.

[Rivpt]

honestly, i think it's a little bit of both. we didn't break up b/c someone cheated or anything like that...we just grew apart b/c it was long distance for a few years. we have both lived our lives separately for the most part, and don't talk about getting back together ever. i just still think about her every single day. she's the first thing i think of when i wake up most days and the last thing i think of before i fall asleep. it's really frustrating b/c i have tried to move on and have opened myself up to other people. i have accepted the fact that we're not together and there has to be a reason for that, but at the same time i have always had the idea that at some point in the future i wanted to kind of lay it on the line one last time...and see what happened. i'm not sure if that is what has been holding me back from moving on, or the fact that this is the first person that i have ever loved and i haven't stopped thinking about her this whole time. i never connected with someone better, and although she broke my heart...i don't have any hard feelings. i just think that i can make her happy, and i know that she made me very happy when we were together.

[Rivpt]

i don't think i'd consider us friends...not sure if she would or not. i mean we don't talk very often and hang out even less frequently. we're not even really very up to date in each others lives. i don't even know her friends at grad school and have never even been to the campus b/c she hasn't invited me...and partially b/c she was dating someone there for a few months last year.

 

it's a weird feeling, it's just hard to not go all out for someone's bday when that is all you're used to and you have tons of great ideas of things to do...yet you have to hold yourself back.

[jsmith999]

no biggie dude. you should just go for it. nothing over the top but a nice card with a sweet message .. and perhaps a subtle suggestion about your feelings will be fine. then sit back and wait for her reaction (if any)

[Rivpt]

i think that is a really good suggestion...cause honestly, i don't think this is the right time to do anything drastic. the right time will be down the road when she graduates grad school and possibly comes back where i live to work b/c that is where her family is. then i might do something more. nothing can really happen right now no matter what i do i think, until she is done school. but giving a subtle hint seems like the way to go.

 

thanks for the advice jsmith

[MacGyverRI]

The Shoebox greeting cards, "a tiny little division of Hallmark" always work well.