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insecurities making me do dumb stuff..


radiotone
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there was a time where my current girlfriend told me that one of her ex-boyfriend's thought her clitoris was big. and just hearing that really angered me because i thought it was inappropiate to say something like that, i thought. i feel like i just want to yell at her for saying that me. i feel so angry. we ended up having a really big fight that day, mostly having to do with me not accepting her active sexual past and how i dont have a sexual past, really. this happened a month ago and just now i was reminded of it and i feel insecure and really upset.

 

we've been together for 4 months and we've been sexually active, so of course - my stupid mind wants to bring all of this up again now. she's downstairs asleep as we speak and i really dont want to fight with her but i can't help the stupid feelings. i want to tell her that saying stuff like that makes me feel inadequate and insecure about my sexual performance. her ex-boyfriends have performed oral sex on her and i do too and i'm really insecure about it. i dont know what im feeling, all i feel is just anger and bitterness. she hasn't said anything like that since that day..

 

i dont know how to deal with stuff like this by myself. i can't just fight with her and feel better about it because she didn't do anything at all...she loves me and really cares about me. she says she doesnt care at all that i dont have as much experience as she does and she assures me that i'm good at it.

 

i hate feeling insecure about sex. i wish i wasnt reminded of that dumb comment she made. i dont know how to deal with it.. i'm upset

 

thank you

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You could ask her to make sure not to tell you anything her exes have said about her sexually. I find it better to not talk about or relay what exes have said into a new relationship.

Maybe wait a bit until your not so angry and then calmly tell her it bothered you and would you please not do it again.

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Wait, I'm confused.. are you more upset about HER sexual past, or your lack of one? I agree that she shouldn't really be talking about her exes, it's kind of unnecessary, but you really should try to chill out. She isn't going to be having any kind of sex with you whatsoever if you're pushing her away with insecurity...

 

I mean, you said yourself that it happened a month ago. Frankly if I was your girlfriend, I would be really annoyed that YOU were getting annoyed about something I *thought* had been resolved a month ago.

 

If she brings up any of her exes again, just politely tell her that you really don't want to dicuss him or their sex life together. Other than that, the best thing I can tell you is, she's with you now, so let the past be in the past.

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yeah just tell her you rather not hear about her exs and her past and just to focus on the relationship right now. If she hasn't said anything since that day, drop the subject! Don't feel like you have to compete with her ex's b/c obviously she loves you alot b/c she is still with you and loves you. She's with you and not them.

 

Don't let a comment like that over rule you and don't say hateful things to your gf b/c it will drive her away.

 

"she says she doesnt care at all that i dont have as much experience as she does and she assures me that i'm good at it."

 

as you stated, remember that b/c she is with you and she loves you for who you are even though you don't have much experience. That's great to know! Keep that comment in your mind instead.

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Look at it this way. If she is with you and she loves u enough no matter what your performance is like, if the love she has for u is factored in, your performance will seem 10 times greater than what it is. If you're terrible, and she loves you enough it would seem as if you're the greatest lover in the world.

 

Now that is my opinion, i could very well be wrong. But, i am also sort of sour about my "girlfriend" mentioning things about her past sexual encounters. It makes me feel kind of sick sometimes, but i hide it behind my smile and i take it as an opportunity to capitolize on it.

 

If she tells me something specific, i then know what she lieks, what she doesn't like, what she has never felt, and how i take it to the next level to make her go even more wild than before. Its like a game of chess or checkers or whatever you'd like to replace that game with. I'd hate to tell you to compete with past lovers but in essense thats sort of what you do anyway. If you're with a girl who has had ex's, even being yourself, you're sort of competing because u dont wanna make the same mistakes her ex's did and everyhting else.

 

So i just sucked it up, and took what info she gave me, even though it made me sick to my stomach, and i turned it into my tool to outdo, and over shadow her ex. In the end it made me happy because i was able to smile when i was in between her legs knowing that i was doing things her ex would not do and doing things he would do, but BETTER simply because she provided me with...that "info".. so i mean, in any situation you can take the bad and use it for good. thats what i believe. Dont get mad about it, just try not to let it affect u and just use it as a tool for progress.

 

Optimism is key...

 

[add-on edit]= Another thing. I am the SAME way. I constantly think of things from the past randomly and it brings me down, and i sit there thinking about it getting mad all over again. but, what i learned is that, if that happens that i could jsut be positive and think of OUR encounters and things and just overwrite the negative things.

 

FOr example. I get sad every now and then thinking about her having sex with her ex, knowing in detial what happened but i just think of her saying things to me that i tend to forget, like bluntly telling me i was better, and telling me how much she likes me more than her ex and recalling the sound of her moan or the look on her face when i was pleasuring her. It sort of surpresses or extinguishes the negative memories. It may sound cheezy, but thats what works for me. Maybe other people have other methods. Just keep in mind that you having sex with her is much more recent than anyone else having sex with her. Its more vivd to memory because it was just a week ago, or however long ago, and not 2 years, or 4 months or 8 motnhs ago like her ex's, so screw them!

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