Geno101

ALSO, i need to know where to find a basket of "smell goods". u know..the typical wicker baset of a bunch of things that smell rediculously good. And if anyone could give me a typical price for something like that, it'd be greatly appreciated. I have no idea where to look for something like this. The closest thing i can think of is bed bath and beyond...but, i just looked on their website, and i saw nothing like that. help

When i said she isnt crazy about chocolate i meant, she likes it but its not kind of chocolate that she's just CRAZY about. but she likes it just as much as the next person. But what i was picturing was some choclate thats soft enough to actually be able to dip into wihtout heating it up. Like...picture cake icing. U could dip strawberrys into that, wihtout heating it up because it stays the same consistency. i was gonna do that but i dunno...

hey, it has been a long time. I've been alright, and thanks for the advice.

I wanted to buy some things for someone for V-day, and i had some strawberrys and chocolate in mind because she loves strawberrys and i think it would be romantic to have some sort of choclate to dip them in and feed to her myself. but what i needed help deciding was where i could get the chocolate from and what KIND of chocolate. Theres different kinds of chocolates. she doesnt have any prefference. i didnt mention this to her but she isnt crazy about chocolate like that. but i needed something that would go good with the strawberrys. I think Dark chocolate would be terrible with strawberrys. but, any suggestions is fine. Even something different than chocolate.

wow. NO ONE had anything to say? bump i guess...

...Early this morning, December 6th, i heard a song on tv, with sort of a sad soudning tune. ..Song by Jay Z, called Lost one, where he raps about his nephew who died in a car accident some time ago, a year i believe. and the car he died in was the car HE bought for him (true story), but anyway.... This stuck in my head all day, so i walked around humming it. LATER this day, i found out that a friend from school died in a car accident yesterday. Timesha Swift (facebook - dont know the link, i cant bare to see her face). But this song isnt the important thing. This post is simply to make a tribute to her, and express this bit of sorrow i have. I didnt KNOW her personally although we had several conversations. On a daily basis. She was just a pass-by friend. And she was such a cool, nice person. It seemed so unlikely to hear that someone like HER would be dead this soon after highschool. I just walked accross the Stage with her In June. And this is what really caught me: Her birthday is today. My other friend said he went to facebook and it said "Today's Birthdays: Timesha Swift". December 6th. (another weird coincidence is that Jay-Z's birthday was 2 days ago, on the 4th)Thats so Screwed up. I'm not into the face book thing, so i chose the one community i am a part of to pay tribute to her, and express this saddness i'm feeling. Its a very... "unnattractive" feeling..... And This has me literally scared about the future. another one of my CLOSE friends got news that she may only have 6 months left on this earth. And i thought, if i was this sad about a girl i barely knew, i'm gonna go through hell on earth if that doctor was at all right. I'm SO afraid. I am so attatched to this friend. I've never had a friend like her. No one has ever been this close to me. How close we are tops my parents and even people i've known my entire life. It makes me cry thinking about it. I spent maybe an hour crying on the phone with her, twice before, when she told me. The first time she told me she didnt specify a timeline. the next time she actual confessed the actual estimation of time. Six months is not enough for me to give her the life she always needed, wanted, and deserved in a sense. 6 months is not enough time for me to show her how much i have always loved her. I've told her i loved her before, but, those were words, and i believe the saying "actions are louder than words" very much. That is not enough time for me to break this trend of people mistreating her in her life and for me to begin treating her like the Queen of the world. And this kills me. 6 months is not enough time for her to really get the chance to be taken care of like never before. I had plans to get her in the position where she would never have to involuntarily lift another finger again. I wanted to shower her with love, gifts, and whatever else it was that she desired at any given moment. 6 months isn't enough.... I'm afraid of what i'm gonna have to go through. What songs will remind me of her when or IF she's gone, what places i'll ride past that me and her have frequented, and things we've joked about on tv, and movies we've watched together. Our spots around town, her smell, the various pictures i have of her, and various memories. Hand written notes. Chat history on the computer. Her phone numbers. The college her and i both are going to. The car that my mother drives that we've spent a lot of time in together. I am so afraid. I'm nearing tears now thinking about not having her in my life everyday, as she is now. There is not a moment the goes by where i dont think about her, or that i'm not interacting with her in some kind of way. ... *Sigh*.... well... this post definitely turned into something i didnt mean to turn it into. but, i have vented my emotions. Questions and comments are welcomed....better yet, they're encouraged.

The relationship is not well balanced at all. I do so much for her, but she doesnt do much for me at all, BUT, thats because everyhting she could do for me i do for myself, but emotionally, she doesnt really try. I dont feel that she needs me less than i need her per say. I would say the fact of the matter is she DOES need me more than i need her, she just fails to realize it because she's taking me for granted, and THATS what pissing me off. Because, i dont need her, but in some cases she truly NEEDS me. But she fails to realize it. She isnt far away, we just cant see each other much. maybe once a week or less. I trust her but at the same time i dont because she's done some unexpected hurtful things in the past and i dont know where the next thing is gonna come from. but, yes, now i want to deprive her of my attention to END things and to climb out of this hole i've dug, and at the same time i want an EFFECT. I want a lasting, lingering effect. I want her to FEEL it when i'm gone. You know. Not to really get her to crawl back to me so i can have her and get the affection i've wanted, but i just want the effect to feel accomplished to finally give me that gratitude, and the privilege of finally knowing what it was i did to improve her life and how big of an impact i had on it, since she's failed to tell me those kinds of things to make me feel good about myself. Failed to stroke my ego like i do hers and like i so desperately cry out and tell her i need.

hey.. I'm not sure if this is where i should have put this, but, here goes. I am in a weird relationship. Described and explained in my previous threads. I am in a position where i am completely dependent on conversation with this girl. Everyday of my life is based on her, unless i'm away from home. I wake up thinking about her, if she hasnt already called me waking me up out of my sleep. And if she doesnt call me, i wake up feeling nervous inside. a deep down nervous, tense, anxious feeling in my gut. And it hacks away at me everyday. She's in college so she's always away from home and then she goes out with her ex sometimes. And that leaves me here in my house with nothing to do and no one to talk to. I dont start college for another 2 months, and i dont have a job yet, so the only social life i have outside of her is two of my cousins. And thats only once every other weekend. so i'm often talkin to her, and if not, i'm feeling DEPRESSED, lonely, down, and pitiful. Its just a terrible way to live. I've had thoughts of suicide. but not coming anywhere near DOING it. IT was just something going through my mind because this is a miserable DAY-to-DAY feeling. and i cant shake it. I constantly wait for a call, or call her, and the funny thing is, i never have anyhting to talk about, although we have great convos. I never have anyhting to SAY specifically. I just cant stand to be away from her. I fear the thought of being replaced, or forgotten or left behind. It bothers me to think about her eventually just finding it unneccesary to continue to talk to me. Like her desire to talk to me just one day dies off, leaving me lonely and unwanted. Now..my challenge is this... I want to LEAVE and be rid of her but i cant. I've been searching for jobs to give me an excuse to be away from home long periods of time, and to get the funds to go out and have fun without her and also use that job as an opportunity to meet someone else. To socialize..you know. To live my life. But i havnt gotten hired. So all i have is her, still. but, i'm constantly trying to distance myself and leave her alone and make her feel what i've been feeling everyday. I want her to need me for something and not have me available. I need her to need my advice or need my consoling or to need me to be her shoulder to cry on and not be anywhere to be found. So she can feel...alienated and lonely. I want her to have it bad and not have me to relieve the pressure. I always do those things for her. and a lot of times i think to stop doing those things for her, but when i think that, i ALSO think about the possibility of me stopping those things leading to her looking at it like i'm neglecting her and then pointing the finger at ME and going and finding that attention somewhere else instead of realizing i TOOK it away from her on purpose and then bringing herself to crawl to me to get it back. I dont trust her judgement. So i fear that. I dont want to walk away and throw all this invested time away in vain. I want to walk away and make her FEEL the difference between her life with me and her life without me. I dont want her to just say "Oh well, i'll just go to joe blow and get what i want". I want her to SEE. I want her to spend nights crying herself to sleep because she realized the mistake she made of taking me for granted. But, i dont know how to do this. all i need is advice.

bump^ no one else has anything to say?

....i've been dealing with this girl for 11 months almost to the day and 3 months into i thought it was love, but now, looking back onto it, i dont think it was. I think it was indeed a wonderful feeling, but not love. just a REALLY REALLY strong attraction mixed with hella chemistry. but, the past 2 months, our relationship has blossomed into something even more wonderful than ever before. Our comfort for each other has grown tremendously. Everything is evolving, arguments are more rare. let me get to the point, just about 3 hours ago (around 8:30) she had to get off of the phone because someone called for her mother. so i waited, and waited, around 9 i thought she would call because thats when her free minutes on her cell phone kicks in....no call. my worrying increased. more hours passed, and during this time I called her cell phone about 10 times, left 3 voice messages, sent a text, called her house number 10 or more times, no one answered anythting, and she lives with 3 other people... this was odd to say the least. i sat here thinking the WORST of thoughts. Pondering on what the hell could be up. This is most unusual for her because she calls me and we talk 24/7. I could barely eat. I couldnt watch tv with 100% concentration beacsue i was so worried and sad about this. She wasnt calling back. now i was thinking maybe she had another seizure, or maybe her grandfather died, or maybe she got hurt, maybe they had a house fire, i dont know, i was just so worried, and scared. I'm sorry i cant explain this 100% accurately because u'd have to know her to understand why i found this to be so unusual, but thats a given... anyway, she finally called me at 11:30. I JUMPED at the phone. And when i answered i let out a big sigh. i immediately asked what happened. I told her i almost cried. and as soon as i said that. my eyes teared up. She told me she got sick from something she ate earlier which turned out to be much more minor than i thought but it was just the thought of losing her that drove me to tears. she told me to hold on and i plopped my face down in my bed sheets and began REALLY REALLY crying. Is this love? Like true genuine love and concern that i'm feeling? because, this isnt the first time this type of thing has happened but now all of a sudeden the fact that i had all these bad thoughts about losing her for some reason, it makes me cry like a little kid. is THIS love? because before i didnt really care THAt much... i mean, i cared, but not to the point where it made me sick to my stomach. She told me she was getting in the shower and she would call right back. I said bye and could barely talk because i was crying. I was trying to hide it. when i hung the phone up, i began crying even HARDER. for a while, and I didnt know why. I was so confused, but..i couldn't stop. It was just a natural reaction. I need some sort of opinion or diagnosis on the situation. Is THAT love? or..is it something else? I dont know.. i really dont...I'm so confused..

PM with AvsFan, check it out. GREAT! we've had two more encounters to tell about. Well, the first one was VERY fun and long awaited. We had time to kill, boredom, a few dollars and an idea. So we went for it. this was saturday... anyway, she has a portable dvd player with a car charger, so she got that, and a bunch of dvd's, and brought them with her and we went to little ceasers, picked up some eats. So we went out to a suburb town around our area and just rode around looking for a spot to camp out at. We found this weird little area behind these buildings. It was so secluded and private. I LOVED it. So we went there and watched 2 movies, eventually we were all over one another. We both got our 'fixes', we kissed, ate, laughed at movies, had a form of sex, and even cuddled and talked for a little while at one point. Later we drove home having fun listening to the radio, and sharing a 2 liter bottle of pop... it was... SOOOO fun. I drove back home after dropping her off doing 90 mph just from excitement alone.... and i saw her again today. I went and got her from school because she would've been on the bus way too late at night in my opinion. So i went and got her, bought her some food and took her home... I was fairly upset by the end of this day though because we had to cut our little hang out session short because she has class tomorrow, and she had home work... it sucks.. but i was a good boy...

that feels really good to hear. lol. It makes me wanna blush. but i have to stop and flex my manly muscles to keep from doing that... lol just kidding. But yeah, that feels good to hear someone say.

yeah man. Thats what makes her so fun to explore. Its like.... like... goin to driver's ed for 10 months and finally getting to drive the car... or.... lol. I dunno man, i cant think of a better analogy. She's so.....whew...

i didnt realize but now that i think about it, i see how that may very well be true.

i would definitely say SOMETHING to your sister because thats not even cool. Like, even if they are tlaking that much and its completely friend's basis, she should still be coming to you a little more about their conversations ebacsue she's supposed ot be on your team if anyhting. It shouldnt be just like you're getting abandoned by both of them. Like they talk and neither of them really talks to you. Do you trust your sister not to do something like this? Just...be careful..

Look at it this way. If she is with you and she loves u enough no matter what your performance is like, if the love she has for u is factored in, your performance will seem 10 times greater than what it is. If you're terrible, and she loves you enough it would seem as if you're the greatest lover in the world. Now that is my opinion, i could very well be wrong. But, i am also sort of sour about my "girlfriend" mentioning things about her past sexual encounters. It makes me feel kind of sick sometimes, but i hide it behind my smile and i take it as an opportunity to capitolize on it. If she tells me something specific, i then know what she lieks, what she doesn't like, what she has never felt, and how i take it to the next level to make her go even more wild than before. Its like a game of chess or checkers or whatever you'd like to replace that game with. I'd hate to tell you to compete with past lovers but in essense thats sort of what you do anyway. If you're with a girl who has had ex's, even being yourself, you're sort of competing because u dont wanna make the same mistakes her ex's did and everyhting else. So i just sucked it up, and took what info she gave me, even though it made me sick to my stomach, and i turned it into my tool to outdo, and over shadow her ex. In the end it made me happy because i was able to smile when i was in between her legs knowing that i was doing things her ex would not do and doing things he would do, but BETTER simply because she provided me with...that "info".. so i mean, in any situation you can take the bad and use it for good. thats what i believe. Dont get mad about it, just try not to let it affect u and just use it as a tool for progress. Optimism is key... [add-on edit]= Another thing. I am the SAME way. I constantly think of things from the past randomly and it brings me down, and i sit there thinking about it getting mad all over again. but, what i learned is that, if that happens that i could jsut be positive and think of OUR encounters and things and just overwrite the negative things. FOr example. I get sad every now and then thinking about her having sex with her ex, knowing in detial what happened but i just think of her saying things to me that i tend to forget, like bluntly telling me i was better, and telling me how much she likes me more than her ex and recalling the sound of her moan or the look on her face when i was pleasuring her. It sort of surpresses or extinguishes the negative memories. It may sound cheezy, but thats what works for me. Maybe other people have other methods. Just keep in mind that you having sex with her is much more recent than anyone else having sex with her. Its more vivd to memory because it was just a week ago, or however long ago, and not 2 years, or 4 months or 8 motnhs ago like her ex's, so screw them!

i think its safe to say that i am in the same situation just not to the same extreme. I am NOT a jealous person but if she's makes a comment about a certain person, it pisses me off. That person has to be in the position to be able to do better than me or have an actual opportunity to possibly be with her for me to get jealous though... I constantly argue with her about minor things that pick at me and she doesnt even realize it. Since i'm the type of person that over analyzes everyhting, when she does something that SEEMS a certain way, i constantly hold it in,m thinkin about it and spill it out later, causing a big discussion and i usually come out being completely wrong. Just something i payed too much attention to. sometimes i feel it is genuinely her fault though. But sometimes i feel as if its more so my fault. i dunno. but this isnt as bad as or to the level of your problems. Which is why i said not to the same extreme. but when i read your post i recognized a lot of what u said to be familiar. Its very frustrating. A lot of times, these things leave me ending up feeling terrible about myself. I constantly look down on myself and blame myself for everyhitng and what not. But i will not look for a therapist. I think all problems can be fixed within one's self. Thats jsut MY OPINION though. I dont believe in that. I believe that any problem anyone comes accross they can fix it themselves given the proper amount of time and strenght and whatever else is required. Because, there has been a time where therapists did not exist. But. I am not discouraging you to seek help.

Thank you. This is hard though, lol. some more detail i would like to share. Well, remember when i said to her that the console was in the way because i wanted to get close to her? Well, last night on the phone after our little outting she told me that She likes me being so honest and open, and bold with her now. because, i wasnt like that at first. I was the opposite. beating around the bush about things and what not. She brought this quality out of me though. She commented on it and she says she likes how i just said that without worrying how it would sound coming out of my mouth. So.. Thats a + for me. She's starting to feel even more comfy and happy with me, i suppose. Just the other day she came out of nowhere and said "man, i love hanging out with you... we have fun together.." and i think its because i listne to her and i dont over do the jokes and the playing all the time and at the same time we can have good conversations about anyhting. Even the simplest of things. but anyway. WOW! I had no idea this minor discussion could inspire anyone, to be honest.... I.... wow. Thats amazing to me. Well i appreciate that and i am glad i could show you the light.

its funny that u should say that because she, along with a mob of other people says the same thing about me. I just...analyze everyhitng because i'm afraid of what people are thinking of me privately. U know? Its like. I've seen people that do what they do without any cares or worries and people end up haitng their guts, and they never know or they never know WHY. Take this for instance. her ex boyfriend. he was the duke of a.s.s.holes. He was constatntly saying things that pisses her off, and constantly being inconsiderate, the opposite of romantic and just being...ugh.. U know? It was like a 50/50 thing where he was like half annoying and half "okay" not even good. He was just... i dunno. But he NEVER worried about what she was thinking or feeling. And i was the one she talked to about it. So that makes me not want to ever be in the situation where i'm doing something wrong but i'm jsut too caught up in relaxing and being me to realize it and fix it before it takes away what makes my life happy; my girl.. I just over-worry my self about peoples thoughts and things. I analyze everyhting. I'm an observant person. A simple sigh, or a facial expression gets me curious to the point where i start doing detective work to see why. I just dont like the possibility of something being because of me and i just never know because i didnt ask or take heed.

Alrighty. I just got back in, about 30 minutes ago. I was dropping my sister off downtown and her house was on the way so i stopped by, scooped her up, took her out just to get her out of the house and away from her family. We went and got some chinese food. It was a very regular normal, friendly convo thing. Once again, she just touched on my face, for no apparent reason. She just reached over, looked at me with a smile on her face like she couldnt help it, and she just touched my face. We went and parked in a parking lot and sat and talked and ate and listened to the radio for about 2 hours or so. We layed there stuffed after eating, talking. periodically she went into my jacket and jokingly touched my nips, lol, and rubbed me in general, hit my stomach when i said something funny or whatever. she touched my face more. Rubbed my peach fuzz on my chin. (just in case someone was wondering, i'm making such a big deal out of this because she's normally not the type to just touch touch touch. She's usually sort of conservative and she keeps in her own personal space. but recently, she's been invading mine) She once slipped in that i was cute. "You might be cute, but lets see how you're gonna look when i punch you in the face" because i joked around and said something. I forgot. Lol. So, eventually we started talking about her breasts because she kept trying to play with my nipples. She even went under my shirt to touch me, but i pushed her away...it tickled.. yeah i know it sounds homo, but it did. Lol. just kidding. (i'm no homo-phobe) .. anyway. She was leaning towards me a lot, in the passenger side seat but the center console got in the way. So.. you know. It was kinda hard. I even brought it up just to be bluntly honest. I said "i'm gonna be honest. this damn console is in the way" and she caught my drift, and agreed. She was leaned over toward the driver side seat though, despite the center column. Laying on her hands, looking at me in my eyes as we talked and stuff.. Eventually i told her to "come here", and she somehow found comfort in laying accross the center column, so she layed on my chest and i fondeled her bottom.. lol .And we talked and joked more, but soon after that, we had to go because she has class tomorrow evening. this was still an EXTREMELY fun outting. I find myself having MORE and more fun with her each time, and comfort just continuosly grows between us. Its an amazing feeling, man. Also, during her hug good-bye , she did something she never does. She sorta took her hand and put it on my FACE and pulled my face tightly to hers. You get what i mean? It was like, she forced my cheek to hers to make the hug fell more like a connection, rather than just a typical way to end the "date", if u will... But i really FELT the hug because of that. It felt...real. I'm sure someone knows exactly what i mean. u guys seem smart so I dont have to ramble anymore to try to explain what i mean, lol. But, yeah. another day without a full 100% sexual encounter, just to build a little more tension. Its gonna explode in both of our faces sooner or later. lol. Hasta..

i most definitely wont do it too much because next time i dont think i will be able to stay away... just to be honest. lol.

The excitement is most definitely not all sexual. Because we talked for several months EVERY-DAY before we even met in person. And we still talk all the time. I am very entusiastic when i speak to her, and when she confides in me. I love everything about her. she's the very first and last thing on my mind EACH day and that is 100% fact. I do all kinds of favors for her and i never have the intent of sexual interaction with each favor. I do things for her simply because i care. Talking to her is a routine thing in my day that makes me sick if i skip it. i actually get this sick feeling in my stomach if i go too long without talking to her...

Also, i just got back from picking her up from school. taking her to get eats, and then home. I was energetic at first, happy to see her, we laughed and joked around, but i wasnt touchy feely. She was in my shoes today. Like she jokingly prodded my bottom with the umbrella i brought her from home because it was raining. She kept doing it, jokingly though, but thats a sexual joke.. U know? and in the car she just randomly touched my face and rubbed it for no reason. I just laughed and smiled or whatever. I said "What was that for?" she just looked at me and said "I dunno..." and shrugged her shoulders... lol... But i gradually grew extremely sleepy because i was sleep before i went out to get her anyway. It felt good to be on the receiving end of all the affection. She initiated two hugs, poked and prodded my butt, rubbed my face and she occasionally payed special attention to her breasts. I held my composure though. She joked around and said she knows that i wish i had those boobs for myself, and she..touched on them a few times. lol. Looking right at me. but i was way too sleepy, plus, i had all of you guys' advice in the back of my mind the entire time. so next time i'm sure it'll be even more .... steeamy, i guess? (i hate that word).. Especially since i didnt give her what she seemingly wanted. She pulled one of my numbers too. "Lets pull over somewhere and talk...pull into this lot right here..." ..now mind you, that is what i usually say when i want some. lol. We pulled over and she ate, and we talked, but before she finished her food and jumped on me, something happened that required me to take her home... but yeah. I feel kind of.. special and somewhat on the receiving end now. I feel girly saying "special" but i honestly do. Thats the best description of how i feel right now. this is great... but anyway, she should be calling me any second now, so i'm gonna go get in the bed and prepare to watch the premiere of her favorite show with her.. nip/tuck She loves it. so. I'm gonna make her happy and acompany her. Well Thanks to you all. maybe i'll post a few more encounters here later on. hasta...

ahh okay, sorry for misunderstanding. Thanks, i appreciate it... No, she didnt say anything of the sort. She still seems to LOVE it, but i felt a little less "passion in the air" this time around and i'm generaly just... worry-some (if thats a word).. I tend to be self conscious or... Cautious about things. So its sort of me worrying about it possibly getting a bit boring or tedius, or repetitive after a while. Sort of like a routine instead of a surprising, unexpected venture to each other's personal space...

uhhh... explain. The way i'm reading it seems like an insult but... I'm trying to give it the benfit of the doubt that it isnt...