Okay... I'm gonna end up fighting with this kid...

[Azual]

Aite, talked things over with my last friend, he said he was sorry, and that he was just pissed off because his dog had just been put down (Yes I know that is true, the day before, his dog had been put down) and he just vented his rage and sorrow onto me. I still don't trust him 100% but I don't think I ever will. Still, I'd like to have him covering my * * * or protecting my GF if I can't, or another closer friend couldn't.

 

But now see, there's this dude in her Math class that just does NOT respect her space. You know, we do the whole note thing and it's got some serious stuff (Things that happened in her past that she doesn't want people knowing or other things that we like to keep secret from the world) and he constantly grabs at her stuff and just makes the typical bull.... remarks as she passes; "Oh quit undressing me with your eyes" and stuff like this.

 

I know I don't have anything to fear from her being with this guy, he's a complete * * * and disrespects women constantly. It's just a matter of him needing to back off before I bust his nose.

 

Even she has told him to back off and leave her alone and he's not doing it. And I've asked her to take things to a higher power than me but she wont, and I really don't wanna bust his nose because I don't want to get in trouble but he isn't respecting my girlfriend's space and things at all.

 

What's worse is this dude used to be a friend of mine and he used to never bug my girlfriend and I guess since he got wind that we're goin out (Me and him no longer get along) he's just been all over her and it's bugging the hell out of me. I mean it's only in Math class because we don't hang with him at lunch or any other time of day, but still.

 

And before I punch him in the head, and before he does anything stupid (because I know him and he would prolly), I want to talk to him and let him know that he's really makin me mad and he needs to back up (And I've had my previous friend stick up for my girl 'cause I wasn't able to cause I wasn't there) and he still does this.

 

So how am I gonna bring this up with him if he just ignores me? I swear it's like he's asking to be punched and from the people I've talked to in school (Mainly women but a few guys as well), they all agree and they all hate him for their own personal issues.

[lozic21]

Well to start off, I wouldn't put anything highly personal in notes at school... just not "safe."

[Azual]

Well that's true, but me and her are over the issues we had so hopefully no more of that. Point being he's still being disrespectful... And I don't want to get in a fight but he's askin for it and everytime I try to talk to him he ignores me.

[lozic21]

So you have confronted him about this?

[Haven]

I could be wrong, but he sounds like an attention-seeking bully -- the kind of person who will provoke others in order to get a reaction (in other words, attention) from them. If that sounds like him, then one way you could get him to stop would be to just stop reacting. He only makes the comments because he gets off on the reactions.. if you completely ignore him, and don't even react, he should eventually lose interest.

 

Of course, talking to him alone would probably be a better course.. but if that doesn't work, just try your best to not give him the attention that he's looking for.

[Azual]

Tried a few times since she told me about it. I know it's only the fourth damn day of school but holy crap! He just flips me off and walks away.

[Azual]

I could be wrong, but he sounds like an attention-seeking bully -- the kind of person who will provoke others in order to get a reaction (in other words, attention) from them. If that sounds like him, then one way you could get him to stop would be to just stop reacting. He only makes the comments because he gets off on the reactions.. if you completely ignore him, and don't even react, he should eventually lose interest.

 

Of course, talking to him alone would probably be a better course.. but if that doesn't work, just try your best to not give him the attention that he's looking for.

 

Yeah... I'll see if I can't try talking to him first. But it's happening to my girlfriend when I'm not around so I can't do anything about it at that moment. And she isn't one to just shrug things off like I've become used to (Make fun of me, I'll laugh and shrug it off. Make fun of family... I'll join ya! Put my girlfriend in any jokes or disrespect her or invade her personal space or items, I get highly defensive)

[Haven]

Well, I had a guy do a similar thing to me last year. He'd always make remarks and get into my space, and so on. I ALWAYS defended myself, because I'm not the type of person to just shrug things off either. But every time I got angry or tried to defend myself, it just made him even more interested in provoking me. The only way I got him to stop was just completely ignoring him and removing myself from situations involving him.

 

Usually bullies like that are insecure. It sounds to me like he's been rejected by many women (either literal or perceived), and he'd rather have the negative attention than be completely ignored by everyone. Every time he makes a BS comment, or does something rude, remember that it's not about you -- it's all about HIM. Everything he does is a reflection of how he feels, and what he's having problems with. He's probably jealous of you because you have a girlfriend and he doesn't.. and it's way easier for him to mess with your girlfriend than to mess with you (since you'll probably punch him in the face, whereas your girlfriend probably wouldn't).

 

The guy I had to deal with last year would call me names and accused me of stalking him. At the time, I actually believed that he really thought all those things. But now I've realized that he was insecure about himself, and wanted attention from me --everything mean that he said to me was actually a reflection of what he thought about himself.

 

Once you realize this about a bully, it should be way easier to ignore him, because it's not like he's attacking you.. he's attacking himself.

 

From link removed:

 

 

Hopefully some of that relates to your situation.

[Azual]

Thanks! I'll let my girlfriend know and see what happens. Wont matter in a few days anyway, I'm switching into that class because I get along with the teacher in there better than the one I have now and he wants me in his class 'cause I'm willin to learn and speak up if I don't understand something. So either he'll back off from your awesome advice, or he'll face me. Thanks

[Shadow25]

I havent read the whole thing and all of the posts, but from what it sounds like, some immature jerk is being a pest to your girlfriend.

 

I stopped where you said she was sending stuff through the form of notes.

 

Here's a tip ..or two..or three

 

1. Notes can easily be found

2. Teachers love reading notes

3. Teachers also love reading notes out loud

 

Ok, and here is my advice, DON'T SEND NOTES.

 

Now as for the aggression and fighting or whatever it is.

Fighting never solves anything, it just creates problems further down the track, try and avoid fighting as much as possible (if you mean physical fighting).

I'm not saying verbal fighting is a good idea either, but it's BETTER.

 

Talk to the guy about how he treats your girlfriend, and tell him you'd like him to stop it with the childlike behaviour. I can't exactly tell you to ignore the guy if he said "what are you gonna do about it" or something like that, but if it were me and the guy said that, I'd probably crack him one before he finished the sentence, OR, I'd just tell him the grow up, get a life, and then I'd walk away. If he continued to do the hassling, I think it's only natural human instinct to protect the ones you love, and it's just the same in the animal kingdom aswell.

[Azual]

I havent read the whole thing and all of the posts, but from what it sounds like, some immature jerk is being a pest to your girlfriend.

Talk to the guy about how he treats your girlfriend, and tell him you'd like him to stop it with the childlike behaviour. I can't exactly tell you to ignore the guy if he said "what are you gonna do about it" or something like that, but if it were me and the guy said that, I'd probably crack him one before he finished the sentence, OR, I'd just tell him the grow up, get a life, and then I'd walk away. If he continued to do the hassling, I think it's only natural human instinct to protect the ones you love, and it's just the same in the animal kingdom aswell.

 

Yeah.... Thanks Shadow... Like I said... Hopefully in a few days it wont matter because I'll be in that class and he is going to have to face me if he doesn't knock it off. I'm normally pretty passive but like I said earlier, if you mess with the girlfriend I'll get defensive-aggressive. If there is such a thing. So ya.

 

Anyway - thank you all for your advice! I'll let the girlfriend know what's up and try talkin to him.

[Tigris]

Go to the headmaster/mistress/principal or whatever and tell them the truth. Explain that she won't go and report him but something has to be done before you lose your temper completely and punch him. Tell them that you don't want to get into trouble for doing that but your temper is rising and soon it's going to be out of control.

 

What he is doing is being disrespectful and bullying her. Make sure you mention that other boys and girls are having problems with him too.

 

If you get expelled from school/college it gives him an easier way to bug her. It sound to me like he's hoping that this will happen.

 

Let us know how you get on.

 

Take care and tell your girlfriend to take care too.

[Azual]

I'm thinkin of doin that tomorrow - I tried talking to him this morning... here's how the convo went (I'm telling the honest truth and not tweaking anything)

 

Hey Sam... we need to talk.

Uh, no we don't.

Yeah... we do, so if you'd like to turn around and talk to me, I won't have to bust your ****ing nose.

(He turns to face me) What the hell do you want?

Start respecting Emily. Leave her alone, respect her space, she doesn't like you, and she's taken by me. If you don't comply I'm gonna bust your ****ing nose. Got it?

Yeah whatever.

 

Learned later in the day he stayed away from her for the most part in math.

 

I know he's scared of me, but I don't want to become a bully here, but she means more to me than he does.

 

I'll let our principal tomorrow - Let you all know what happened.

And if he still doesn't... my "sister" (she "adopted" me as her "brother" because she cares about me and we're close friends) offered to scare him for me. And she is very scary. So hopefully all goes well.

 

Thanks!

[Azual]

Well - Hopefully all has gone well. I backed off the subject, am trusting her with my love, my heart, my dedication, and my trust to do with as she pleases...

Hopefully that isn't in vain.

 

There was a cost though, and she agreed she needed to tell this kid (We'll call him Sam because that's his name) needed to back off and she would tell him so. Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

God I love my GF... Emily means to world to me, and I thank you all for opening my eyes a bit more

 

However, the nagging feeling that there is something going on eats away at me... and I feel like I'm being used as a safe haven from this kid...