I cannot believe how stupid I have been

[Mike39]

It took me wasting 3 years of my life, thousands and thousands of dollars, many painful experiences but hopefully I finally got it.

 

4 years ago I was married and my 7 month old son was killed in a car accident. This was the downfall of our marriage and we separated and divorced 6 months later.

 

A 'friend' that was married was one of the few people I had for support at the time and talking to her was one of the few distractions I had from what had recently happened. While talking to her over the course of a few months she started telling me stories about how abusive her husband was and that she was planning on leaving him. At the time we were just friends but I did feel bad for her after hearing these stories. One night we decided to go out and after a few drinks she started telling me that she was completely in love with me, she never felt this way before, etc. I fell for it hook line and sinker. Even though I knew it was wrong to get involved with a married woman emotions ruled over logic and it was the first time I actually felt something since the death of my son.

 

Since her husband controlled all the money she moved in with me and proceeded to file for divorce. I gave her money for an Attorney with the promise that she would pay it back once her divorce was over. The first few months were great and I was happier than I had ever been. Then she started going out to bars with her cousin. I had no problem with this at first until it started happening every weekend and staying out until 4AM. I finally told her this was unacceptable and that she needed to either stop or I couldnt be with her. Of course she saw nothing wrong with it and that 'girls need a night out'. I told her if thats the way she felt maybe we should separate. So she moved into her parents house. After that she called everyday telling me how much she missed me, I was the only one she could ever love and she couldnt stand to be without me. Once again I believed her and continued to see her. Then I get a call from a guy asking me if I was still seeing her. He proceeded to tell me he had been seeing her while she was living with me, told me how she would tell him how terrible I was to her (basically all the things she told me about her husband). I was shell shocked. I couldnt believe how someone could be this way, especially after what I just had went through. This is the same person that stood next to me a year before in the hospital over my child when they pulled the plug, how can someone be so damn cold?

 

After that I completely cut things off with her. She apologized up and down, telling me how much she loved me but at the same time blaming me because I was telling her to move out. Within a month she was back with her husband she claimed she could never be with again. Even through all this I missed her immensely...what the hell is wrong with me? She still continued to call once in a while, acting sad, crying, and telling me how much she missed me and how sorry she was. I tried getting her out of my head, tried dating other people, refused to take her calls most of the time but even a year later I still missed her.

 

Think I was stupid before? It gets better. After being back with her husband for a year I started talking to her on the phone more. I figured she must really love me for not being able to let it go after this long, not to mention she is very convincing and I really did love her and miss her. Her husband found out we were talking so he called the police, claimed domestic violence and she was arrested. Guess who was right down there to bail her out? Me. So once again there she was living with me.

I figured there was no way she would go back to him after that so once again I gave her money for an Attorney to file for divorce. I gave her money for a down payment on a car, bought bedroom furniture for her kids, and helped her start her own business. Then 3 months later I find out she's talking to her husband and she tells me she is going to start doing things with him to 'make the kids feel better'. That turned into an argument and she told me she was going to move out. The next day she moved when I wasnt here and when I came home things were gone that wasnt hers, my fridge was unplugged, and keys to my motorcycles were gone. When I confronted her about this she completely denied it and eventually admitted her husband helped her move and was in my house. They were back together that night but I guess he threw her out after a few days.

 

She still calls asking if we can work things out and actually blames me for all this. I can't blame her, it is my own fault. It is my payback for getting involved with a married woman to begin with and it is my own fault for trusting someone who had no problem being unfaithful. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I let this happen and continued to let it happen. If there was a stupid award I would win it hands down.

[Marianne]

hey im so sorry to hear about ur son that must be a very hard thing to get over , ive read ur post and i dont think you should be blaming yourself she sounds like she is messing you around and if i was your friend i wouldnt be doing that because you been thru alot and you dont deserve pain you dont need this right now you need support .

 

feel free to contact me

marianne

[winter2005]

BIG RED FLAG.

The woman is a Slag. She is married and she is seeing you and back and forth...

She was not faithful to her husband........ you think shell be faithful to you?

The minute she gets bored of you and some other guys enters the picture shell dump ur * * *..

Go find yourself a desent woman who has self respect and boundaries and self control you will not regret it...

shes a bad egg,,,,

STOP SPENDING ON HER IT IS A WATSE OF MONEY AND TIME

[princess81]

First of let me say that I am so sorry for your lost. Now as far as this chik well ya gotta deal with it seperatley it was wrong of you to mess with a married woman but her being scumb is not your punishment. Stop kicking yourself for being human learn from this experience and dont hang on to this and take it with to your next relationship and make the next girl pay instead of offering the great and caring man that you sound like. Take this time to heal.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. And for the extra emotional stress you've had to endure since.

 

She still calls asking if we can work things out and actually blames me for all this. I can't blame her, it is my own fault. It is my payback for getting involved with a married woman to begin with and it is my own fault for trusting someone who had no problem being unfaithful. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I let this happen and continued to let it happen. If there was a stupid award I would win it hands down.

 

You can continue to beat up on yourself, or you can learn from what happened with this woman and grow. Choose the latter and become a stronger person.

 

I don't know how many people can say that if they were in your shoes, they would have done things differently.

[LONESOUL]

Mike 39, my deepest condolences on the loss of your son.

Now to this woman, You will get through this. I think you should

stay away from that woman, she sounds like a really lost person who will

drag down every bumpy road in life you do NO deserve to go down.

She has no clue WHAT she wants, and it this point doesn't seem to care who

she uses to get the "need du jour" filled.

Take good care of you~come to post for support and read here often

until you begin to feel better again.

[need2bme]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

I agree with LONESOUL. You were at a place where your heart and soul were reaching out for something. Don't you believe for one minute that you were stupid.

 

Now that you know, it would be stupid to keep doing it though.

 

I am not trying to be harsh and I know how tough it is when you love someone, but it is time to keep yourself emotionally healthy.

[Donster]

wow, so hard to hear about all the bad things that have happened in your life. That woman sounds like trouble, you don't need crap like that in your life. She took advantage of you when you were weak, suffering, and in pain. It really burns me up to hearn about the behavior of bad people out there. There, I said it, some people just suck, and you were unlucky enough to become entangled with one.

 

You sound like a very caring and generous person for everything that you did for that woman, and there there are so many real, loving, decent people out there. You shouldn't settle for anything less. As a good person, you deserve better.

[shamus]

mike,

i was there too, my ex wasnt married, but was constantly going on dates, yet accusing me of cheating. like you, i let her walk all over me.

saying you were stupid is a bit harsh, i feel that way sometimes as well, but we were there for them, and loved and supported them.

 

bottom line, this woman is bad bad news. you've invested a lot of time and money on her, and she showed you no appreciation or respect. get out. I wish i had been stronger to dump my ex a long time ago, but she'd always cry and say how much she loved me, how she made mistakes, i bought it hook line and sinker.

 

run. run as fast as you can. IT IS NOT WORTH IT! Please trust me on this.

 

i have a new gf now who is simply amazing. when you meet someone who is right for you and shows you the love and respect you deserve, you will not believe it

 

be at peace with yourself. post here often even if just to vent.

[Mike39]

Yep Shamus you are right. I have just recently started seeing someone and it sure is nice to be treated good and not always wonder what the hell someone is going to do from day to day.

 

I just can't help to wonder how someone can claim up and down how much they care about you and yet do nothing but take advantage and carry it out for so long. And although even through all this I do miss her I know its what I have to do. I know its her loss and she is the one that will suffer in the long run, I did everything I could and have no regrets.

[Belle]

I just can't help to wonder how someone can claim up and down how much they care about you and yet do nothing but take advantage and carry it out for so long.

 

How else would a con artist get anything out of you? Users operate through deception.