Unhealthy obssession and attachment to this boy.

[Ms.Lady]

Hello I'm new .

 

I'm very concerned for my well being because I think I would put a boy over myself first and I'm just so attached to this guy it is crazy. For the past six months I've been talking to this guy that started out on the internet for the first month. We met twice, the first time everything seemed to go alright but he was acting a little funny, like he really wasn't into hanging out. At the time I had a bad acne breakout and I was very self-conscious. After the first time we met, his phone calls stopped and he was sorta rude to me which I didn't like. He even brought up my acne one night and he told me that I needed to do something with my face which hurted me badly. We never established a relationship or anything, we're friends. He later called me and apologised for his behavior as he said he was going through a rough period at the time and took his frustrations out on me. I forgave him.

 

We talk on the phone alot and he revealed alot about himself. Months ago he said that he's more of the type of guy that likes one night stands and likes to go to clubs with his friends to pick up girls. I was turned off by it to the fullest.But later down the line I somehow developed feelings for him (Don't ask why). He seems like he's the only person in my life right now so I guess I'm a little vunerable. As my feelings for him began, I get jealous everytime he mentions that he's been with some cheap female he's slept with. It heats me up but I have no right to be angry at him because we're just friends & that's just the way he is, at least he's honest with me.

 

Recently he started calling more & we met up for a second time. We went out to eat & things went well, the acne was cleared.After that, he called a whole lot more & he was even sending me text messages saying how was my day.He'd call me at night & we'll stay on the phone together, we'll fall asleep on the phone & if I tell him to get off. He'll be like no, you're not going anywhere I want to be here with you. Keep in mind, I never forgot about how he said his character is like & I'm thinking he just wants to have sex with me because he thinks I'm hot now that my acne cleared.

 

I asked him if he still fools around & he was like he's focusing on his singing career & that he's trying to outgrow that. He talked to me about being in the studio 24/7 just writing & singing, he has no time for relationships. I was like well that's cool. I really would like to be friends with him but now just recently he's sorta pressuring sex on me which I KNEW would happen!He just seems to call me all the time talking about when are we going to meet up to have sex. I told him constantly that I'm not into sex hook-ups & he was like, I'm not foolin around, I just want a special lady to have a little fun with. I haven't told him no. I've been stringing him on for weeks. He calls asking me when are my days off so we can meet up & I constantly come up with an excuse.Then he'll call me at night & we'll have a casual conversation.

 

I really like him as a friend now & I still have feelings for him which confuses me. I don't want to let him go because he's cool to talk to. He just can't seem to get sex off of his mind, especially with me now. He just seems like he's just overly horny, which explains his constant going out to have sex, well he CLAIMS now he doesn't do it. I told him recently if it's sex that you want, maybe we should end our friendship if you can't respect my wishes. He basically got upset & told me please don't leave him. He was like I really want to be friends with you. The next day he talks about having sex with me again. I really can't let him go because I'll be alone again, it's a messy situation so I'm confused..

[NJRon]

Never stay with someone merely because you are afraid of being alone. You need to focus on yourself and your needs. Don't rely on someone else to be everything to you.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

All he does is talk about meeting up with you for sex. If like he *says*, he wanted to meet a girl and settle down, he'd be working towards proving that to you. Taking you on a proper date. Who knows he might even start with the old 'yawn and put his arm around you' trick. Hey after a date or two, he might move in for a kiss. Sheesh you two do not have a dating relationship at all, and all he wants is to go straight after the sex. I think your gut feelings are absolutely right. Now that he thinks you're cuter, he just wants you for sex. He's not serious about a relationship.

[DN]

All he does is talk about meeting up with you for sex. If like he *says*, he wanted to meet a girl and settle down, he'd be working towards proving that to you. Taking you on a proper date. Who knows he might even start with the old 'yawn and put his arm around you' trick. Hey after a date or two, he might move in for a kiss. Sheesh you two do not have a dating relationship at all, and all he wants is to go straight after the sex. I think your gut feelings are absolutely right. Now that he thinks you're cuter, he just wants you for sex. He's not serious about a relationship.

 

Agreed - and he has all the finesse of a bull in a china shop. Jeez. I would stop obsessing about him and go find someone with a little more class (and smarts).

[Johnathan]

yeah it sounds like you're getting played pretty badly. Being FWBs with this guy is NOT in your best interest and will only continue to hurt you because you're not that type of person.

[Ms.Lady]

I understand he's not worthly of me or my time but it's so hard to let him go I don't understand why. I don't think it's even the fact that I like him anymore.I seriously got turned off a LONG time ago. I just want a friend & all of my other friends never seem to call & want to chat with me as much as he does, even if he called for the wrong reasons. If I do leave him, I'll have no one to talk to again & I'll be miserable. I'm basically using him as much as he's using me I guess you can say..

[NJRon]

Don't justify the situation by trying to lower yourself to his level in an effort to make it look like he's rising up to yours.

 

Try spending the time that you spend talking to him going out and making new firends...

[mrm]

The guy sounds like a using to me, if I were you I'd stay away. If you get involved you're just gunna end up hurting yourself, you'd be better off telling him straight instead of making up excuses and maybe having a look at him for what he really is after he responds to your honesty.

 

Goodluck, just don't be used, it'll effect your future releationships and you really don't wanna let one dude screw you up.

[AFRIQUE4488]

this guy doesnt sound like his worthy of your time......he doesnt respect u as a person and definitely not a friend!!!!! his aware of your deep intrest in him and his playing on that!!!!

try not to delay anymore time n energy on him (of course always easier said than done) but the sooner u do the better!!!

its not that easy making new (TRUE) friends but, as lonely u may seem right now, TRY and get out there!!!!!!!

peace

xoxox

[annie24]

it's better to be alone than with this creep. I think the other posters are right - the more time you spend worrying about this guy, the less time you have to meet friends and potential boyfriends who will value and respect you. He just sounds like he's looking for a booty call, and once he gets bored of you, he'll move onto the next girl. You know that yourself.

 

forget him, get involved in a club, volunteer, get an extra job,take a class. you'll meet new people and be happier.

 

good luck

[Ms.Lady]

Well I did a little trick with him. I told him a day ago that I had gotten a boyfriend and I was 100% committed to him. He seemed unphased by it & he continued to have a normal conversation by the end of the night. Ever since then, I have not gotten a phone call from him & when I call him, his voicemail picks up. I'm a little sad but I guess it's for the better. I wish I never met the stupid guy..

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Good for you. And yes it probably is for the better. Now if he calls again, stick with this line. It's for your own good and otherwise as long as he still believes you're single, he'll probably continue to treat you as an inanimate object.

[justwonderingkid]

you seem like a nice person, i wouldnt worry you wont be alone for long