He got caught

[DetHMetaLDolL]

So last night I caught my other half in a lie. He told this lie a long time ago, and what he lied about isn't exactly relevent now. But my feelings are still hurt, and I am still a little angry.

 

So should I confront him? Is it really worth arguing over? Do I have a right to be mad?

 

Luka

[bebecole]

you didnt really explain what he lied about it all depends.. but if it upsets you ofcourse you have a right to be made. you deserve the truth. you need to work it out or it wont get resolved

[Relationship Coach]

A lie is a lie and it means at some point he either did not think you could handle the truth or the truth would make him look bad. I think he needs to be called on the lie and you need to discuss the importance of honesty in your relationship. Allowing the lie to linger no matter what relevance it holds now will just eat at you more and more. Anger is a common initial reaction but let your anger dissipate before confronting him about it.

 

RC

[DBL]

What did he lie about?

[DetHMetaLDolL]

Ok, well it seems so trivial, but here goes...

 

When he started dating me, he was trying to hook up with this other chick, L. She worked at a music store that we both went to a lot. Rumor has it he started dating me to make her jealous, because she didn't want to date him. Well one night he took me to this party. He said he took me to "show me off to everyone"... When we got there it became apparent that wasn't his intent. He only seemed interested in where L was, why she wasn't there, etc. He was all pissed off because he was told she would be at this party and wasn't. He asked the host of the party for her new cell number so he could call her and ask why she didn't show. When we left he told me that going to that party was a waste of time because he only went to see her. This pissed me off, we argued about it. I asked him if they ever had any contact outside the music store where L worked, and he told me they didn't. He said the only time he ever saw her was in that store. Just a note on timing, this all took place years ago.

 

Well last night me and a couple friends went out to a club. My other half couldn't go because he had to work. Well guess who was there, L! She came running up to me and gave me a huge hug and kissed me on the cheek, saying she misses me and blah blah blah. She asked where he was, I told her he was working. She started saying what a perfect couple we are. And in my stupid loose lipped drunkeness, I siad "You know when I met him he was trying to date you." she said "Well I had a feeling, but I just didn't want a relationship then." Then she said "he is so easy to talk to. When I would go see him we would just sti and talk for hours..." I said "You went to see him?" she said "YEa, I went to his apartment a couple times just to hang out."

 

I showed no hostility toward her. After all it isn't her fault. When I go home from the club at 4am I was drunk and pissed off. He was still at work. I put a post it on the computer monitor that said "I caught you in another one. I'm tired of you lying to me." Then I went off to bed. NOw he is sleeping, probably won't be up for another five hours or so. He knows something is up because of the note. So we will most likely have words about this. BUt if he doesn't ask about it, I'm wondering if I should even bother. It will just open up old wounds...

[DBL]

I finalized my marriage into divorce because of lies. We were separated for a couple of years but were reconciling in Oct 2005, but then she started confessing all this stuff that she lied about before we were married. Everyday she remembered a new lie. Finally I just said I think we should just continue to get a divorce.

 

Now apparently from your pervious post he lies a lot, and you only caught him in a couple...imagine the ones that you didn't catch him in. If you are ok with the lies, then live with it, if not...yelling at him isn't going to stop him.

 

DBL

[Momene]

Think you must tell him he must come clean about EVERYTHING once and for all and any further lies will be it.

 

Being interested in more than one person while not in a committed relationship is not exactly unusual, though.

[SeaBisquit]

a lie is a lie. yes you have the right to be angry and yes you should confront him. let him no that you are not going to tolerate his lies no matter how big or how small. little lies usually turn intp big lies.

[itsallgrand]

Oh yeah, call him on it. Work the anger out of your system first: go for a run, be mad here, whatever works. Then, ask him for a moment to talk. Let him know what you have found out. Be honest, use the old 'I' statements about how you feel.

 

How he responds to this is worth paying attention to. Focus on NOW.

 

Does he overall respect your feelings, listen, and is basically an honest person?

[DetHMetaLDolL]

Think you must tell him he must come clean about EVERYTHING once and for all and any further lies will be it.

 

Being interested in more than one person while not in a committed relationship is not exactly unusual, though.

 

I know it's not unusual. But he could have told me the truth. It's not that he was interested that made me mad. The fact that he took me to the party just because she would be there and then acted all pissy when she wasn't was what made me mad. That argument we had was when he told me "I only see her at the store." When (acording to her) they saw eachother outside the store several times. I also found out last night that she likes guys who are taken. And now I know she knows where we live.

 

a lie is a lie. yes you have the right to be angry and yes you should confront him. let him no that you are not going to tolerate his lies no matter how big or how small. little lies usually turn intp big lies.

 

YEs, I am wondering how big this one might get. He has lied in the passed, and his lies always snowball. So lasnt night I found out this chick was in our house with him. Next will I find out he slept with her?

 

Oh yeah, call him on it. Work the anger out of your system first: go for a run, be mad here, whatever works. Then, ask him for a moment to talk. Let him know what you have found out. Be honest, use the old 'I' statements about how you feel.

 

How he responds to this is worth paying attention to. Focus on NOW.

 

Does he overall respect your feelings, listen, and is basically an honest person?

 

Well he is asleep I am calming down. I was silently fuming last night at the club. So I released some of that in the mosh pit. Then I came home and slept. Before posting here this morning I played my guitar a little bit. Now after a hot shower I feel better.

 

As for your question about his honnesty I think I already answered that one above. He is a snowball liar.

[valiantv]

I would say give him a chance to come clean. Maybe he was lying at the time (years ago when it happened), but in the mean time, he probably changed his mind about you (which he clearly did if you're still together years later), but thought it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. (no pun intended)

 

There was no point in bringing something up that would just hurt your feelings.