Can this friendship be salvaged?

[euges116]

Greg and I have been best friends since freshman year three years ago. But last year, he began spending a lot of time with his first girlfriend. Which is normal and expected, but he's taking it to the extreme. We used to hang out once a week and talk on IM every day, now it's once every two months. When we do hang out, if "she" calls or shows up, it's like I'm not even there. Instead of hanging out with me on my birthday (we used hang out on each other's), he didn't even say "happy b-day" and went to dinner with her instead. Most of the time, he really wasn't acting as a friend. And it hurts, you know? It's not the girl, but his attitude, like he doesn't care about our friendship at all. If this was any other friend, I wouldn't care, but we were real good buds.

 

Really, my girlfriends and other girl and guy friends have noted that we were real close, like brothers or something. So it really hurt me to be ignored just like that. I'm someone who considers friendships very important. I would never ignore a friend if I was in a relationship. I know friendships take work, but I'm at a crossroads here.

 

I know I have to say something, but not sure when. It's the summer, and we don't start our senior year in college for about a month (late-September). We live in different cities, so it's not like I can ride the subway to meet up for coffee or something. I'm really tempted to write an e-mail, let him know how I feel, because it's been a long time coming (this summer has been the same, promises, but comes up empty handed). Should I? I'll see him in a month, so should I talk to him then? E-mail is so impersonal, but I have to get it off my chest.

 

Any thoughts?

[FoxLocke]

Yes, by all means confront him about it.

 

And if he persists in remaining the same way then you should walk away from the friendship.

 

He will realize what he did in the future. You were there before the girlfriend, and it is really sad that he is treating you this way.

 

Good luck.

[Daligal83]

I've been in your situation before. When I was in high school, my best friend got her first boyfriend and I disappeared. It was even worse cause she lived down the street from me and her boyfriend lived next to me, so I'd see them hanging out without me all the time. What I did is talk to her about it. I showed her an email I had written to a friend explaining how I felt on the situation. She heard me and made more time for me. It wasn't all perfect, but we were able to work through it. I bet your friend is so caught up in his girlfriend he doesn't even notice what he's doing and that it's hurting you. If you bring it to his attention, he'll make things change. If he doesn't, he's not the friend you thought he was.

[euges116]

What would be best? E-mail or talk? As I said, it'll be a month before I see him again, but I know in-person is better...

[RelaxByWater84]

I would say e-mail is better then you can be sure you have put it all there and you can see what you need to see. Or another way write everything all out and call him but put the ball in court.

[babypink61]

I think you should invite him out to dinner or coffee and let him know how you feel. Just tell him that you really treasure the friendship but you've been feeling left out of his life and that you hope you guys can starting hanging out more. If he's a true friend he would try his best. But if he doesn't, there's really not that much you can do about it. He has to want to hang out with you on his own, and not have you try to nag him to come out. I've had friends who were like that . . . disappears when she gets a bf and once they break up she started calling us up to hang out again, it's just really lame. I haven't been hanging out with my girls as much as I used to since I have a bf now, but I make the effort to at least hang out with them 1-2 times a month (we all live about an hour from each other) because I'd end up feeling guilty or miss them.