For the guys, how do u feel about sex on the first date?

[2900]

Just curious guys, if a girl has sex w/u on the first date, will this affect how into her you are?

[pacopaco]

hi,

 

From my point of view. if i'm into the girl, sex on the first date is a good, and i'll want to see her again even if i have to wait 1000 dates. I had an experience once where this happened. i was into her, we went out went back to my place and had sex.First date, but i wanted to see her again, and i did. If all i'm looking at a girl for is sex, and if it happened the first time, then i guess i got what i wanted. so did she.

[Steven1607307306]

It all really depends on the girl. If I really know the girl before we date, and I like her a lot, then sex on the first date doesn't really affect my feelings or thoughts towards them. Then again, if it's some girl I just met, and she wants sex on the first date, that comes off as a little sleazy to me, and I become uninterested quite fast.

[Rabican]

I think most guys would jump on the chance for sex on the first date... then afterwards would probably either not go for a relationship, or at least have some doubt thrown in the mix because of it. I think all guys would think, if she had sex with me after only knowing me for 2 hours... who else has she done this with.

 

It wouldnt be a total deal breaker for me, but it would make me question some things. And I dont think its any better for a guy to do it either, so its not a double standard to me.

[LostInMyThoughts]

For me, its a bad thing.

 

If I have any interest in seeing someone past the first date, I want to take it slower.

 

Just something about physically connecting before emotionally connecting makes it hard me to move forward in a relationship.

 

Thats just me.

[DN]

So that brings the question: Are you a sleaze?

He didn't say he would do it - he said most guys would. Not necessarily the same thing.

 

He also said;

And I dont think its any better for a guy to do it either, so its not a double standard to me.

[stuck in a rut]

to be honest I would have to say the initial thought would be 'result!'

 

But, if i really liked a girl, and she offered herself on the first date i think it would put me off. If I were on the rebound then yea, just what the doctor ordered! but if I was after something that potentialy could be meaningful then it would put me off.

[Orlander]

I used to pride myself on my first date conquests. What a waste of time!! Sex was never as good as with someone I cared for deeply and loved. Now, I seriously doubt I'll have sex again until I'm with someone I truly care about.

 

 

Orlander

[joeshmoe]

My thoughts are: If a girl gives it up on the first date, she is not relationship/marriage material, unless, like was said before, you had been friends for a while before dating.

 

I'll be the first to admit that for me, it is a double standard, I don't feel like I lower myself at all by doing it, but I will look down a little on a girl for doing it. I know it's not right, but if I have sex with someone on the first date, she gets put into the booty call category, or friends with benefits at best.

 

EDIT: maybe one day, i'll have sex on the first date becase there is great chemistry & a real connection forms on the first date & then I wouldn't hold it against her...could happen

[Dating Coach]

Just curious guys, if a girl has sex w/u on the first date, will this affect how into her you are?

 

As bad as it may sound... yes. If it was sex on the first date I am far more apt to write this off as just a fun ONS as opposed to a girl I went out on a date with and worked my way towards sex over time. The latter is more how I'd work with a relationship, because we are building rather than jumping right on in.

 

There could be exceptions but that would usually be the rule for me.

[finewhine]

For those guys who would write a girl off who put out on the first date:

 

Would you write her off *even if* you connected otherwise?

 

Do you treat most girls the same on the first date?

 

Do you *try* to sleep with girls on the first date?

 

(I've never slept with anyone on the first date, in case you were wondering)

[joeshmoe]

If there was a real good connection, I probably wouldn't just write her off, but it still would be a red flag to me, first off...if she did this with me, how many others has she done this with?

 

I generally start off a date treating them the same, yes...but if she winds up saying "let's go to the bar & take some shots" ...well, then it's game on. haha...

 

I normally would not expect, or "try" to have sex the first date...in fact, I am casually dating 3 girls right now, one put out on the first date, so we've had a couple more "dates" that consisted of drinking, then my place...

One girl is more down to earth, and more like a friend right now, but she's nice, and I'd like to see where that goes, but I haven't done more than a quick kiss w/ her (we've gone out 3 times now)

The 3rd girl lives far away, & is a friend of a friend, so we sort of knew each other before & she's going thru a divorce as well as myself, so we've had some long phone conversations & hung out together for a couple weekends at a time & I really think I like her, but just don't want to go too fast because I don't want to hurt her.

 

Okay, sorry for the novel, but I guess ultimately it just comes down to the person, and for me, morals are a big deal (yes, I know I'm hyppocritical)

[joeshmoe]

So Joe, since you "put out" on your first date with that first girl you mentioned, should we take that as a sign you're not a very good guy to date, or is it a double standard?

 

I'll be the first to admit that to me, it's a double standard. But I have no problems with someone thinking that I am not a "good-guy" to date...I guess that will only come about if we both "put-out" on the first date, because I can't put out without a willing partner. And I never would pressure someone into anything, that's not my way.

 

I know it sounds awful, but I am being honest here...so basically if it is obvious that I'm gonna "get some" that night, I'll take advantage of that, I am human, male, and I am a pretty sexual person.

 

I guess if the girl doesn't respect herself enough to wait a few dates and get to know me, then I am not going to respect her as much, because she is not respectful of herself, and she doesn't require respect from someone to have her.

 

I'd also like to say, for the record, that first date/casual sex is waaaay overrated, it's fun while you're doing it, but it is unfulfilling. Making love is MUCH MUCH more worthwhile...so far, I've only made love to one person.

[joeshmoe]

I actually appreciate that so many men are honest about the fact that the do hold this double standard. I'm not saying I think it is fair, as you the male, could just as easily be accused of not respecting yourself enough not to put out, and also because you are claiming that as a male, your 'sexual needs' are somehow more tangible and valid than hers, but at least you're admitting it.

 

So, my take from it is that whether it's fair or not, we women ought to be taking a big cue from it.

 

believe me, I know it's not fair for us guys to hold this double standard. From a logical standpoint, it makes no sense at all....but from my (somewhat insecure, maybe) emotional standpoint...I think that's where it comes from...Guys want to feel like they are the "ONE" for that girl, even though they won't admit it all the time...and if they're just "another one" they don't want the relationship, just the sex.

 

...just my take on things, other guys may not agree.

[finewhine]

OK, this has me very curious - if you're not trying to have sex on the first date, then how do these women sleep with you the first time they go out with you? They initiate it? Or is it if they go back to your place, it's an unsaid agreement that you're going to sleep together? Just curious!

 

I do find the double standard bit very interesting. I have one concern about it, though. If you consider it a red flag if they put out, then isn't it less about the individual woman and more about some set of standard behavior they ascribe to? Hmm, that may be unclear. Lemme try to rephrase - do you find that a woman is worth dating merely because she wants to be chased?

[joeshmoe]

OK, this has me very curious - if you're not trying to have sex on the first date, then how do these women sleep with you the first time they go out with you? They initiate it? Or is it if they go back to your place, it's an unsaid agreement that you're going to sleep together? Just curious!

 

I do find the double standard bit very interesting. I have one concern about it, though. If you consider it a red flag if they put out, then isn't it less about the individual woman and more about some set of standard behavior they ascribe to? Hmm, that may be unclear. Lemme try to rephrase - do you find that a woman is worth dating merely because she wants to be chased?

 

well, I guess i'm just so damn hot that they throw themselves at me!...no, no...i'm kidding...

 

first off, I'm not a huge man- , this is not a weekly occurrence...the sleeping together part just comes naturally (or alcohol is involved) if it's gonna happen...go for a kiss, and if she is very receptive, then things naturally progress until she stops it, or I get the feeling all she wants to do is kiss or make out...so in that sense, yeah, I guess I am the initiator, to a degree...but their hands can move around just like mine can, and things happen...

 

If they go back to my place after several drinks and a couple shots...yeah, it's kind of expected at that point. What would anyone expect?

 

 

The double standard thing is, as i stated earlier, not very logical. Also, i stated previously, that it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for sure, if there was real chemistry between us, and I felt like we could be compatible...

 

No, I do not think a woman is "worth" dating simply because she wants to be chased. I am sick of girls/women that want to be chased, it's all a stupid game, and I don't get it. If you like me, don't play hard to get, and if I like you, I won't either...to me, it's more than wanting to be chased. If a girl/woman has a set of values that I feel would make her a good long term girlfriend, that set of values will not include sleeping w/ someone on the first date, if she doesn't have that set of values and wants to "hit it" on the first date, I'll take it for what it is, and be thankful for it.

[joeshmoe]

Ok, so now I want to know...if there's any difference between two scenarios. Let's say:

 

A) you meet at a bar, drink plenty, you suggest going back to your place, she readily agrees, and you two soon go home and do the deed.

 

B) You meet at a bar, drink plenty, you suggest going back to your place, she says no. You follow her around and tell her all about how much you like her and you're very persistent all night. Maybe you even tell white lies to make her feel special. She slowly changes her mind, and finally you win her over, and you go two go home and do the deed.

 

Now, is there a difference in your perceptions of her as far as her dateability/ her standards?

 

Hmmmm...not sure, if she said no I'd probably just ask for her number, and think that she's not "that kind" of girl.

 

I guess the thing is, I wouldn't persist...I guess that if I felt like I tricked her into thinking that I truly liked her, I might feel like she did it because she thought I would be around later, and that we might have a relationship...so maybe I'd think she was more dateable/had higher standards.

 

...really good question, though...I'm not sure I can give a good answer on it

[shes2smart]

Just curious guys, if a girl has sex w/u on the first date, will this affect how into her you are?

 

I'm not a guy, but lemme tell ya about an experience I had.

 

I had sex with this guy on our first date. A week later he asked me to marry him. We've been happily married for a little over 4 years now.

 

Granted, this isn't what everyone's experience with this is going to be like. Just making the point that sex on the first date doesn't have to lead to the disaster that some folks think it will...

[DN]

I'm not a guy, but lemme tell ya about an experience I had.

 

I had sex with this guy on our first date. A week later he asked me to marry him. We've been happily married for a little over 4 years now.

 

Granted, this isn't what everyone's experience with this is going to be like. Just making the point that sex on the first date doesn't have to lead to the disaster that some folks think it will...

Exactly. In relationships there are few hard and fast rules.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It depends on the situation.

 

If there is undeniable passion that we both cannot keep down to the surface, then it's ok. I doubt it will be the best experience, depending on how it's done. You know, like making love vs. doing the 'F' word. So while it may not be special, it can be good.

 

Suzanne Somers slept with her future husband on the first date. I believe they're still married, and for along time too.