stuck in a rut

No, i haven't been there, my sister has and she loved it - theres a lot to see there!!

You are right there mate, they do make it better for a while, but it don't take long to get back to the old routine!! We seem to go anywhere were the the weathers good!! Can't seem to rely much on the 'good old British weather' !

ok, I would rather be skint than not working - trust me! but doing that doesnt tend to help with the mortgage payments! The weekends are a bit much but the company I work for is quite small and I am the only person in the Finance Dept. so its my responsibility to make sure everything is in the books for month end. I have tried talking to her and it turns into a row, which is normally something I try to keep away from. I haved tried suggesting changes, asked her where she wants to be in the future, but she seems happy to plod along as it is - which is fine because just because I would like change doesn't mean she has to. I have tried talking to her about how I feel about things but she takes it personaly and gets angry with me about it - even when I re-assure her, and i end up being the one who appologises

Although he could be waiting for you to make the first move...

there doesn't seem that much time for fun, working reletivley late nights and a lot of weekends, but playing with my daughter after work. On occasion i go for a pint down the local with a close mate. I went down the south coast (UK) for my daughters first family holiday. Most awesome place has to be Cairo with my dad. Seeing the Pyramids, etc.

I was with a woman 11 years older than me - to be honest it was one of the best relationships I had ever had!

I was kinda in the same situation before, i got to a point where I thought, fine, so I said to her that I am not gonna bother trying to get her back, that I have tried, felt stupid so Iam gonna leave it. She said fine. the next day she got back with me. I think the difference is that for a long time the ball was in her court, until I turned it round. She knew that if SHE wanted to get back with me then she could whenever she liked, as soon as the element of it possibly being MY choice came in to it then her thought process changed. If you threaten to back off maybe his feelings for you will outway his pigheadedness as it might not be down to him so much anymore

The tricky part to that is that a big part of how Iam feeling is to do with my homelife with my partner. For me to change would mean for me to leave, which means for me to leave my daughter. I always said to myself that Iam not gonna be part of a broken family, and when I look at my daughter I couldn't do that to her, i know it could be worse i the long run but I will cross that bridge when it comes to it. I dont want to have 'access' every weekend becasue thats not the way I want to do it. My girlfriend and I don't row or anything, but we just seem to go throught the motions. i know every relationship is like that at some point and its not rosie all the time, but I know that when I finish work I go home to see my daughter, not my girlfriend.

to be honest I would have to say the initial thought would be 'result!' But, if i really liked a girl, and she offered herself on the first date i think it would put me off. If I were on the rebound then yea, just what the doctor ordered! but if I was after something that potentialy could be meaningful then it would put me off.

I don't think there is. My dad and my sister are probably my best friends but there is no way I could comfortably open up to them.

Thanks for your response but I don't think I could sit in front of my Doctor and empty my head on to them without feeling so emabarrased and stupid. I know if I booked an appointment I would be lucky to make it to the waiting room without changing my mind.

Definitly go for the toys!! my little girl loves the toys in the bath, play with them toys so they can see you playing then they become curious...

To actually think about this would have to be determind by how you see death - about what each individual believes what happens after life. I tend to think of things from a logical point of view. People have there faith and believe if they lead a good life then they go to a better place, but I see it as why should that be the case when there's no proof. Maybe we go no where, we aren't anywhere - like as we were before we were born. This holds as much weight as going to a 'better place'. If my view were true (which I really do hope it's not) then we wouldn't get any suffering from relationships, or the pain from lost loved ones, or stresses from work, etc, and we wouldn't feel lonely because we wouldn't know - (we never felt lonely before we were born) Only being 24, I have a life that I suppose people in some areas of the world would envy, I have a good (but very stressful) job, money in the bank, a reletively good education, my girlfriend, plus my little girl who seems to be the main thing I live for, but 90% of the time i'am not happy, the other 10% is when I get in from work and spend time with my daughter - but even then she seems to be close to everyone else but me. The more and more I run my life through my head, looking forward and looking at the present, the thought of ending it seems to be so much more appealing then plodding on in a loveless relationship with my girlfriend and a job I hate but have to stay at as the pay is good for what I do. Even my parents are getting older now and the thought of loosing them drives me insane, the only way I can see a way out is to put a stop to it all for me. My daughter is young enough so that she wouldn't remember - not 1 year old yet. I know its the selfish way out and i would hurt people - but the amount of people I would hurt i could count on 1 hand. At 24 I should be full of enthusiasm but I am not, I have no 'energy' and no 'get up and go' anymore, I feel Iam here for everyone else. I know I have rambled on but I have no one to talk to and it's so much easier to hide behind a username on a website - if anyone in my family knew how I felt half of them would be angry at me, and the other half would tread on eggshells around me. I am just unsure how my life will pan out. I know I have to try change things but for me to do that will effect lots of other people. it's so hard to know what to do and everytime I think about death it makes me feel free, like a release of pressure which seems to release a little bit more with every thought.

I feel pretty much like you do, slightly different background, but I wouldn't want to die for no reason - to end it all would be completely pointless - if I were going to do something like that I would like it to be by saving someones life, at least that was I would, and my family would know it wasn't for nothing