never showed my true feelings. PLEASE READ AND HELP OUT!

[dman05]

Ok here goes. I started seeing this girl about 6 months ago. i am 24 she is 19. the first month everything went well. we loved each others company, and we talked and saw each other every chance we could. things were going great. then one day after about 2 months, she said she just was confused and didnt think she wanted a relationship. i was obvioulsy saddened bc i was starting to feel "those" kinds of feelings. the next day after no contact, she said she realized how much i meant to her and wanted to try again. i agreed. things were going great again and she kept saying how much she wanted to be with me. when we werent together she said how she missed me, and always brought me home surprises such as food from work or clothes from shopping. things were going great. after about a month or two of this, i wanted to take it to the next level. i was just unsure about how to do this. so i never talked about it.

 

THIS IS WHERE THE STORY GETS WEIRD!

 

2 weeks ago she went on vacation, the first few days there she told me how much she missed me and wished i was there, and couldnt wait to show me all the pictures of her trip. then all of a sudden no contact from her for the last 3 days of her trip. this was the first time we didnt maintain some contact in our whole relationship...i kinda figured somethign was wrong. i was hoping she was ok and that nothing happened. well she ended up being fine and the day she got home i got a msg saying we need to talk. she told me her feelings were never in love feelings and she felt like we were only friends. i am heartbroken bc i never told her how i truly felt and that i wanted more. she said she stuck around for 6 months hoping the feelings would come but never did. MY QUESTION IS, why would she pretend for 6 months? she had to have known all along. ALSO, do you think something happened on her trip? It just doesnt make sense that she said she wished i was there with her and that she missed me so much. and then all of a sudden i dont hear from her.

 

so i told her all my feelings that i never did before she broke it off, and she said im sorry but i dont feel the same. I even told her for the first time I loved her (which i wanted to for a little while) is it possible she never had feelings for 6 months and was just playing with me, if so why would she waste all of her own time?

 

ANYONE WITH ADVICE, PLEASE HELP.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It is very unfortunate that people say "I love you" at the drop of a hat, often at the initial stages of a relationship when the thrills, excitement and heart palpitations of infatuation and being in a relationship is confused with love. Love takes time to grow and you were very wise not to say anything. Her feelings were not true love. I doubt if she deliberately lied to you to string you along. It sounds to me like she is just a very confused person and doesn't know the real meaning of love. She broke up with you and then got back together very quickly. She doesn't know what she wants. Please don't take it that you did anything wrong. The problem is with her and not you.

[dman05]

I am going crazy, she is all I can think about. I am about to start my new job and I can't focus like I would like. What can I do? Is it over for good?

[tylercdurden2004]

Saying "I love you" means diddly if she doesnt show you she loves you.

[dman05]

i know but do you guys think she really tried forcing herself to feel somethign bc she wanted to make it work or do u think something happened on the trip?

[NJRon]

Dman. I just went through a similar situation, but I was the person with feelings that didn't grow into love for 6 months. Yes, it is possible.

 

If she just went through the same thing that I did, then this is what I would have to say about how she could possibly be feeling... I would say she didn't "pretend". I would say she genuinely enjoyed your company and cares deeply about you. I'm sure she wrestled with the fact that, in so many ways you were such a good person. But, in the end, for whatever reason, the feelings didn't materialize. At that point, there has to be a time to cut it off.

 

Something may or may not have happened on the trip. It definitely doesn't mean something did. She had some time alone to think about things. It doesn't really matter at this point. I think the important thing to know is that she does not have those feelings for you and you are not going to be able to get them from her.

 

Hang in there, and I know it sucks. I've been on the receiving end plenty of times too.

[heloladies21]

At this point, the only thing that matters is that you said you want a relationship with her and she declined. It's always important to take a step back and see the big picture. In any case, you have your answer so now it would be best to cut contact as there's nothing left to say and keeping in touch would only give you false hope and prevent you from moving on. One thing is for sure, just hanging around in the background hoping someday she'll want to get back together with you DOES NOT WORK. This method has been proven wrong so many times it's ridiculous.

[dman05]

one day she wants me to be with her and excited about seeing me, then the next she doesnt? it just sounds like soemthing happened. she doesnt even care about me anymore, she moved on like she never met me.

[heloladies21]

I know you have all these questions, but knowing if something happened wouldn't solve anything for you. All of the questions you have won't lead to any solution.

 

So now the important thing becomes, what are you going to do now? Are you going to cut contact? Are you going to stay in her life in the hope that she'll reconsider? This is the decision you gotta make.

[dman05]

no im not gonna contact her, but the closure i need i will never get.

[NJRon]

Not getting closure sucks. Sometimes, you have to give yourself closure. instead of thinking "Maybe I'll wait and she'll come around" or "why did she do this"? Think "I can't believe she did this... fine... her loss." and move on. You may never know why.

 

However, one thing is for sure, she gave you a lot of clues that should have been big red flags on how fickle she was. If you look at that, next time you hear it, you may want to stop things right then and there and have a serious talk.

 

Whatever you do, don't let her come back for a long time, if ever. She's only 19. She is confused. Let her be confused on her own time.. not on yours. You have better things to do with your life.

[dman05]

do you think if i would of shown my true feelings and acted how i really wanted to and not of held back her feelings would of changed

[NJRon]

Who could know? Don't torture yourself with questions that can't be answered. The only thing I can say is, always be yourself. And it's not so you can be cool. It's because, when you are yourself, and you find someone that actually loves you, you will know that they love you for yourself.

 

So, if you're the type of guy that wants to really share your feelings and it makes you uncomfortable not to... then by all means dude, go for it.

[shikashika]

i know how you feel.

 

my ex just broke up with me last week. he was away with some friends for the weekend and then he dropped it on my like a bomb two days after.

 

We had been fine until the day he left... so of course i'm running scenarios in my head over and over again, thinking something must have happened while he was away. I asked him, he said, 'no'. I asked him if he ran into an old flame that gave him those feelings back... or even if nothing "happened' did he see someone that sparked his interest? he still said no.

 

its hard when it comes apparently out of the blue like that... i tooo don't get it... especially since he was attentive, never had a fight, argument, he was always doing little things for me, caressing me... and then this... his reason was" i just don't think i like you as much as i should'

 

i don't get it either..

 

sorry i can't give any advice... just to let you know you're not alone... I understand and it hurts like hell.

[dman05]

i just wanted to bump up this post and let ppl read my story again

please help out...she is being ignorant for the first time ever out of the 6 months i knew her. as soon as she came back from her trip she had to break up and be ignorant, shes totally different and doenst care about me. she seems like she completley moved on, and is really defensive when i ask why she changed and why she didnt call anyone in those 3 days in the middle of her trip. not even her parents. im thinking she went with someone and didnt have service, because shed at least call her parents and let them know she was ok, shes that kind of person.

 

someone please help, ill answer any questions if i didnt give enough info

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. I have been in your shoes before. that is the reason why my last ex and I broke up.

 

I think both my ex and your ex *tried*, but if they just don't feel the chemistry/spark/whatever, you cannot force it or make yourself feel it.

 

Ultimately, that was my closure. He thought about me, my qualities, and he decided he wanted to end things. That was enough closure for me!

 

Sometimes, relationships don't end over a big issue (ie, cheating, finding someone new, anger, etc...) sometimes they just end because one person isn't "feeling it." And that's just the way it is.

 

hang in there. you will find someone who loves you back. but it doesn't seem like she is the one. you should let go of her and move forward.

[annie24]

I don't think that anything necessarily happened on the trip, like her meeting someone new.

 

I think that maybe she just had some time apart to think about her feelings and what she wants, and she decided she didn't want to remain in this relationship. It is better that she broke up with you now than years down the road.

[dman05]

why would she say she wanted me to be with her and she missed me while she was there. and then said that 1 dollar to text family and friends was too much money. so she made her family worry for 3 days until she finally texted anyway. that doesnt make sense to me. im thinking she went somewhere different and she couldnt get service and somethign happened like she cheated or something. she never went a day without talking to me until then. shed call me more than id call her. and when she finally messaged me like 3 days later the i miss u that was always in the text msgs was gone. so the more i think about it something happened during those 3 days. she cant use the excuse that it was bc it cost too much when it was only a dollar. plus she texted eventually anyway. i think she just felt like a break up was the only way out of her guilt.

[annie24]

my ex told me all the time that he was attracted to me, wanted to see me, cared about me, etc....

 

I'm sure that those were all the truth... but if he was missing the chemistry and didn't want to continue the relationship, then that's that.

 

I really don't think that your issue is about texting or not texting or a dollar or not or guilt.

 

it just sounds like she didn't want to continue in the relationship. And don't you want someone who wants to be with you? she is not the one for you. someone else is. go find her.

[dman05]

why would she do all the extra things. why would she want me to be there with her, and make plans for when she came home? she was so caring, but now shes is mean and defensive

[annie24]

I think she was really *trying* to make the relationship work. My ex did many wonderful things for me also, up until the day we broke up. He really did a lot of sweet things, even sent flowers to my work on valentine's day (a week before our breakup).

 

However, it seems like she really really tried to make things work, and they just didn't.

[NJRon]

Perhaps the real truth is that she was abducted by aliens, cloned and now she roams the earth with no memory of your relationship.

 

I'm not making light here. I'm trying to make the point that *she* is the one that has changed and that is acting this way and *you* are the one that is stressing out over it. Look at the now. You keep trying to reconcile they way she *used* to act with the way she *is* acting.

 

Pleople sometimes say the darndest things... they actually, up until the very last moment are spouting fountains of love and then... in the blink of an eye... they become this creature you have never known before.

 

I don't know why it happens, but it does. Trying to figure *her* out is not going to help you when you should be figuring *you* out.