Only move on by finding someone new?

[lozic21]

So I'm just curious what people think. Do you think the only way you completely move on from your ex is by finding someone else you like/love to focus your attention on? I mean I know you have to work on yourself to be happy, but is it only after you find out that there is someone better out there that you realize you're better off or can completely be "over" the ex? What has been you alls experience?

[annie24]

unfortunately for me.... yes....

 

I always feel a bit of unresolved feelings... a bit of sadness over the breakup... until I meet someone new and actually enter a relationship with the new person. then the most recent ex slips away from memory.

 

i can get 97% over someone, but that last 3% is hard to shake.... *sigh*

[rose2summer]

I am similar to Annie here. When I exit a relationship and re-enter another one, I forget the ex, but I tend to want to rebound.

[shelly7]

Unfortunately, the only way for me to get over someone is to move on to someone else.

[justpaisley]

I'm not exactly the voice of experience as I've only had 2 serious relationships in my life, but in the year and a half after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I always wondered if we had done the wrong thing. When I thought about it, I knew we had done the right thing, but there's a bit of a doubt the longer you go without a relationship. Like annie24 said, I was 97% over him, but 3% of me was wondering what had happened. That 3% was destroyed when I started dating my (now) husband.

 

It's not a great idea to just jump into a relationship when you have serious unrequited issues though - that'll only cause pain for everyone involved.

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with the others, the only way to truly get over your ex is when you meet someone else and develop a new relationship, or when you have a new crush, etc.

 

I also find that moving away helps you to get over your ex faster because you have a new environment to deal with where there aren't any memories of your ex.

 

I moved to CA to get over my ex.

[Aurian]

Perhaps, but that doesn't mean you should be a dating, bed-hopping fiend the week after a breakup! Rebound relationships sound very rough. I'd prefer to get myself in order so I look at my next relationship with sane eyes instead of being desperate and needy for affirmation.

 

If I didn't, that would probably just land me into abusive relationship - round 2!

[renaissancewoman101]

Sometimes, casually dating helps to get over the past relationship. It gives the person some reassurance that he/she can still get a guy/girl. Kind of like a self-esteem lifter.

[Rainz]

I'm the same, I can get over it as much as I can but always have some residual feeling for the ex which disolves once I enter a new relationship.

[kiki]

that sucks im still trying to get over my ex and im not exactly a man magnet, in fact ild be lucky if i ever find a boyfriend again. *sigh* will i ever get over him?

 

*depressed*

[LONESOUL]

Kiki

I don't know if you will ever get over him. I don't know if I will ever

get over my ex, but that's the plan!

Be glad you are not a man magnet, otherwise allot of the wrong guys might

get attracted and stuck to you. I here allot of people say they usually meet

someone when they are not looking. Take care of you, I am sure the

rest will take care of itself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

People think that rebound relationships help them get over an ex, but what seems to typically happen is that there are unresolved issues which come up once the heady days of the new relationship settle down. That is when the doubts and the longings for the ex and what went wrong start to surface. In the end, it is the person who was the rebound who gets really hurt when they find out that what they had was not sincere and just the other person's way of smothering their emotions for their ex. Heal yourself and get over your ex before embarking on a new relationship.

[Nick_t]

I agree with Crazyaboutdogs -

 

My ex gf has broken up with me to be on her own, be herself, but at the same time she is making new friends at the same time. She is getting along well with a few new guys, one in particular. Its only about 3 weeks since we split, and she said she wasn't breaking up to go off with other guys or be with someone else - if thats true or not I don't know but i'm starting to think who cares. Let her do what she wants, and i'll do the same!

 

She may genuinely like him (she kissed him one night when out drunk and they are getting on well since), or it might be a crush which might develop into something serious, who knows. But I know she has a crush on him.

 

But I also feel she might be using this as an avenue to cope from the break up, take her mind off me, and use this guy to fill in all the gaps of the companionship I gave her, without being in a serious relationship. I feel by doing this she is only putting off the emotions she really feels, which will come back and bite her on the bum when all the excitment of making new friends dies down. At the same time this guy has just been dumped by his ex gf and might be using my ex for the same reason... in the end it will probably end in tears.

 

Thats why I cannot even start thinking about embarking on a new relationship until i am truly over my ex, which will be for a while. It hurts but its something i need to accept and move on with, and live everyday as if its my last.

[kuys]

in my case I find myself still thiking about my ex after 7 months and I'm already in a new relationship

[kiki]

Thats why I cannot even start thinking about embarking on a new relationship until i am truly over my ex, which will be for a while. It hurts but its something i need to accept and move on with, and live everyday as if its my last.

 

i envy the way you remain so strong after your break up i wish i could cope as well as you are..

 

thats a really important thought.. i need to move on.. *repeats to self *

[Majoraslayer]

Last year, I didn't get over my ex until I entered a new relationship. Then for two glorious months I realized I was truly happy with the person I was with, and that I could care less what my ex was doing with who. When that relationship ended (and I really didn't want it to), I somehow ended up back with my ex, hence how I got hurt again recently.

[Nick_t]

i envy the way you remain so strong after your break up i wish i could cope as well as you are..

 

 

Trust me I'm not as strong as I wish I could be, and it is so hard. I have good days and bad days, but I keep repeating to myself 'try your hardest not to dwell on something at this moment in time which you can't change'.

 

My gf has made up her mind - she is still playing cat and mouse games, still is a little confused, and is still probably thinking about me from time to time.

 

But after 3 weeks of despair, crying, accepting, paranoid thoughts, becoming friends and then acting a little clingy, etc etc etc I'm trying harder and harder each day to get on with my life and look to the future.

 

Its not difficult, but I keep saying to myself 'a day wasted is a day without laughter' so I just try and smile all the time, and do things to put a smile on my face, evn if it is for a couple of minutes.

 

I also say to myself she is doing what she wants to do now, so let her and I wish her all the happiness, now I need to start doing the same. She is coping with the split in her way and is probably finding it hard but hey 'who cares'. I care for her deeply but i'm only prolonging the pain of the split.

 

Stay strong, and keep writing on this forum because this really helps me stay calm as possible and helps me stay in control and not do anything stupid. Everyones advice gives me so much more strength.

[lioness726]

I agree to a certain extent.

 

Get over the ex as much as you possibly can and then when you finally enter a new relationship, when you're ready, then you will forget about your ex.

 

Rebounds are bad. Casually dating is ok. Disclaimer on casually dating: Only if you really are ready for it and wanting to move forward.

 

Sometimes I feel that now, if I started to casually date, it would help me get over my ex. But I don't really know if I'm ready. I think I'm not, in the sense that I can't even seem to develop a crush on anyone. I'm just not interested in men at all. I mean, I would love to have sex, but I just can't get myself to that point with a new guy.

 

So, I guess I'm not ready. I damn sure wish I was. It would help me in saying "no" to my ex.