Kind of depressing

[renaissancewoman101]

First off the bat, I want to congratulate hosswhispra, rose2summer, and coollady on their dating successes. I really am glad that you guys are doing well on the dating arena. I wish you guys all the best and hope that you guys come out ahead of the situation. You guys have gone through a lot and all deserve it. We are all rooting for you.

 

Now, I am going to kind of beat on myself a bit. I have no idea why I can't seem to get the luck that some people have when it comes to dating. Of all the people I go out with, I have to pick some jerk who cant deal with my height and flees the scene.

 

Besides T and my ex whom I dated for two years, I have never had a decent relationship of any length of time. In the past when I did online dating, of all the guys I went on dates with, none wanted to go out with me a second time, except for one guy who went out with me for about three months and hurt me really bad at the end.

 

People never approach me, I seem to approach people and get shot down, with the exception of T and my ex, both of which ended.

 

I dont know if I have some kind of "guy repellant" on me. I seem to scare guys off just from the get go, to the point that they see me and are not even interested in getting to know me.

 

I am a decent, nice, kind and caring person, if one JUST takes the time to get to know me and hang out with me.

[ElektraHere]

RW

 

You are too obssessed with this. You should focus on you right now. Look at yourself and who you are right now. Now place all that in a male. Would you want to date him? I would highly doubt it. However, if a guy came to you who was self assured, had boundaries, and had their own life and wanted someone to share it with. Now you probably would go for that in an instant.

Well you have some tweaking you need to do. Then you can attract those type people.

Honestly you are easy prey for someone who is out for someone to manipulate. I hope you really really take this time and FOCUS AND STRENGTHEN YOU!!!!!

[renaissancewoman101]

EH, I am not obsessed by this. I just read people's threads about their successes and I feel bad about myself. I am 33 and havent really had any meaningful long term relationship. I dont seem to attract guys that WANT to go out with me. My ex, I approached first and started small conversation and look where that led me. He dumped me. My friends set me up with T and the relationship was weird from the get go, and look, he turned out to be gay.

 

I read about how people here meet guys, date, some end well, some dont. I read about how people get asked out, chased around, how some people can fall in love with others and I wonder myself, what is wrong with me that nobody can fall in love with me, want to date me long term.

 

Am I destined to be alone forever, to walk life by myself, trailed by my herd of guinea pigs.

[Allie.]

hey ren....

don't put yourself down like that. you're a beautiful woman. both inside out. and you're real. not like those phony barbie doll girls with plastic hair and liposuction and breast implants and god knows what else they have implanted in their little plastic bodies.

 

i know what you mean, i was like you but i've changed around...i used to get all the jerky guys in town, they all, in the end, wanted sex. either way, what helped me was staying off the dating line for a bit and actually befriending guys...getting to know them and learning about them and just little facts about them...and i started going out with my male best-friend, and that ended badly because he was stuck up on his christianity beliefs and couldn't stand to date someone who's learning about religions and then making a decision....

 

As for the approaching deal, not a lot of guys seem to approach me either...maybe they feel intimidated...i don't know. i don't think you scare guys off. I think that anyone who's not willing to give you a chance without knowing you isn't worth crap. Like the prophetic dr. suess says, "do what you want and say what you feel because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter." i think guys who're not interested in giving you a chance, shows that you haven't met the right guy yet...

 

If i were you, i would definitely try the prolonged friendship deal.

 

mmm.

MUCH love from a fellow woman.

Allie.

[finewhine]

I am sure you're a wonderful person! Sorry you're going through this crap.

 

Dating is really paradoxical. When you are looking, you emit guy repellant. Even if you're looking, pretend not to be. This helps.

 

The online dating thing seems fine, but the approaching guys stuff, well, it has never worked for me. Let them approach you. How do you get them to approach you? Act confident. I've oversimplified, but do you see my point?

 

If you're meeting someone you've met online, reverse the role you've assumed. Believe that THEY are trying to win YOU, not the other way around.

 

I hope this is helpful!

[ElektraHere]

RW

 

I just posted this on another post but thought you might find it interesting.

 

Ok a good friend showed me this excersice. Here it goes

 

Draw a box and write RELATIONSHIP in the middle

 

Draw a tic, tac, toe board and then connect the outside borders so its in a box.

Now write in each box the following

Hobby

Personal Growth

Leisure

Family

Friends

Service

Contribution

Alone Time

Relationship

 

Now in the the big box with the word RELATIONSHIP cross it out

and

In the multiple boxes cross out relationship

 

So......

The big box represents what you have if that is all you have is a relationship....Nothing

 

If you look at the other box yes you may not have a relationship but you have all the other things.

Hobby

Personal Growth

Leisure

Family

Friends

Service

Contribution

Alone Time

[ElektraHere]

Hun you get what you put out. My friends say I seem to aloof or unaware when guys are trying to hit on me or approach me. Then I say the same things as you?? Where are the guys??? They are all around but if you show you are strong, confident, and have boundaries you WILL attract those guys.

 

You have some skeletons you need to throw out of your closet. You have to start believing in yourself. You REALLY need to STOP letting your mom walk all over you and wiping her feet on you. Enough is Enough!! If she doesnt quit i would really evaluate is it worth being around her?? I know she is yor mother but come on you need to set her straight.

[Imperceptible]

I know how you feel. My friends tell me how wonderful I am and they say how they're jealous of me sometimes because I have so many great things going for me. they have guys who adore them. no guy approaches me. The few guys who do only want sex and that feels worse than rejection.

[annie24]

I am sure you're a wonderful person! Sorry you're going through this crap.

 

Dating is really paradoxical. When you are looking, you emit guy repellant. Even if you're looking, pretend not to be. This helps.

 

The online dating thing seems fine, but the approaching guys stuff, well, it has never worked for me. Let them approach you. How do you get them to approach you? Act confident. I've oversimplified, but do you see my point?

 

If you're meeting someone you've met online, reverse the role you've assumed. Believe that THEY are trying to win YOU, not the other way around.

 

I hope this is helpful!

 

I agree. Just look through on here, read some of the guys' posts. I've often seen posts where the men are really trying to win over a girl that says she doesn't want a relationship and is very hesitant. Then i'm sure you know yourself, if a girl is too anxious about a relationship, it smothers things.

 

dating comes in ebbs and flows. there are times I have amazing luck, and other times, it is just bad date after bad date. maybe that is a signal it is time to work on oneself?

 

your dating sucesses will come one day also, just hang in there, and keep fixing the other parts of your life.

[renaissancewoman101]

I know people tell me that I dont notice when people look at me, that I am oblivious to it. Maybe I am. But I never get approached by guys. I never get asked out and if I like a guy, the guy is usually taken or shows NO interest in me.

 

When I go out, I am pretty friendly, somewhat outgoing, and I will start conversations with people, but it usually doesnt lead me anywhere.

[Imperceptible]

I know people tell me that I dont notice when people look at me, that I am oblivious to it. Maybe I am. But I never get approached by guys. I never get asked out and if I like a guy, the guy is usually taken or shows NO interest in me.

 

When I go out, I am pretty friendly, somewhat outgoing, and I will start conversations with people, but it usually doesnt lead me anywhere.

 

Since you're oblivious when someone notices you, you should go out with these friends and tell them when they spot a guy looking at you then they should let you know that. If you find the guy attractive then that could be a good way to chat him up because you know the guy is interested based on your friends observations.

[finewhine]

This is going to sound unbearably stupid, but hear me out. Grab your best guy friend and tell him what you've told this board. Tell him you need his help. Then have him observe you in a bar or whatever. He can critique how you act.

 

This is unbelivably stupid for me to say, but I'm really a feminist, so forgive me. But here goes - how do you dress? I am thinking of my friend X right now. She is super cute but dresses in a completely unfeminine way. Also, she needs more makeup. Does she get hit on? Heck no. Not because she's not cute, but because she gives the impression she's not into attracting men. See my point? A little lipgloss goes a long way.

 

Please don't read this the wrong way. I am not advocating wearing whoreish makeup or stilettoes or anything you're uncomfortable with. Take it from me, a bespectacled nerdy girl who dresses like a librarian and owns twenty pairs of sensible shoes. But (and this is a big but), meeting strangers is a performance. These men CANNOT look into your soul when they first lay eyes on you. All they have is the way you present yourself. If you're not gussied up, they probably figure you're not looking.

 

In the meantime, please don't torture yourself about this. It's so not worth it. As other posters have said, focus on yourself and the men will come. Focus on landing a man and the men won't. Dating is weird like that.

[doyathink]

Hey Ren, I don't really know how to put this so that it doesn't sound stupid, but have you ever dated a guy your size?

They have conventions and get togethers all over the world and it's a chance to meet ppl who are going through the same things you are. It was just a thought I had awhile back when you were posting on your dating dilemmas. Is there a way you could look into something like this, it may lift your spirits to be with a group who know EXACTLY how you feel.