99Problems Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 Hi... this is very imbarrasing for me to talk about...but i need someone to tell me SOMETHING... Ive been wtih my boyfriend for about 7 years now... and i still dont really feel the great feeling of sex....even when we do it (finger)... even when I DO it i cant feel it.... when im in the shower...the water hits it and it feels good for acouple seconds til i feel this nice feeling real QUICK than it tingles and i cant do it anymore...maybe thats an orgasm... i cant tell my boyfriend that i dont feel it.... I love when we make love...i love the fact that were together... but how the hell do i make that work... what am i gonna do...if i tell him he will be CRUSHED... i mean its been so long.... someone PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING... someone help me...were gonna move in together and if this stays FOREVER than its gonna kill me...AND HIM... (it would imbarris him extremly...and me also...if i told him.... maybe i dont have to much feeling there? because ive tried to find it and i just cant?) Link to comment
Momene Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 I'd seek professional help because lots of people are like you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 welcome to enotalone. first of all, don't be embarrassed, and he shouldn't be embarrased either. some people just can't orgasm. (and if you are unsure if you've had one, then you haven't.) are you taking any medications? some can inhibit your ability to have an orgasm. have you tried different techniques/toys/positions? EDIT: and like moneme said, see a sex therapist. they may be able to help you. Link to comment
chai714 Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 99 Problems, Sorry to hear about your situation. Since it's likely not your choice to not feel anything physiologically while being intimate, it's beyond your control - at least for now. Do you have any history of sexual abuse? In my experience, I have met women who have feelings of sexual numbness who have been sexually abused in the past. If so, consider seeing a professional. I don't have much else but I can say that intimacy and your ability to enjoy sex can lead to a more overall fulfilling relationship so it would be to your advantage to take proactive measures regarding your situation. Good luck. Link to comment
99Problems Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 well... im glad to see im not the only one...but its been so many years...how can i even explain... or 7 years i stil lhavent felt it... i think he knows i havent orgasmed...and seeking a therapist.... im 20 years old... i dont know... cant i just Figure it out on my own...is there a such thing as me not being able to feel it NO MATTER WHAT...i mean... is that spot just not working and could never work?... Im taking medication now....but... i wasnt for many years...so i dont think the meds have anything to do with it.. i cant tell him... i mean ... i love having sex with him... ill do it and i get horney...but... i just... i just cant seem to feel it/...but like i said... when im in the shower...and the sprayer hits me...it feels good .... so maybe it is there... maybe its just in a spot were u cant get to it unless its outside... i dont let him give me oral because im uncomfertable with that.... he wants to but i dont know... idont want to FAKE it if it dont feel good... and plus i just dont know... id have to live wtih him first were i JUST get out of the shower and im clean... for him to do it... Ive tried different positions... some positions make me feel like i have to pee... and im afraid i will pee... I was with him for a very long time..but we did break up the first year and i did have sex with someone else...and i felt nothing than to... can someone help me with ways....or places ...or the peeing situation... *he doesnt last very long...maybe we dont do it long enough for me to start feeling anything?...*... but shouldnt i feel something right away when he insterts it? Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 i definitely think talking to a sex therapist may be a way to go. it could help you get a grip on what is going on. yes, I know you are only 20, but do you want to be 35 and still not feeling anything from sex? Link to comment
99Problems Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 can i talk to a therapist on here? can i call them...besides going to one...what else can i do?... im very close to my mom...maybe i can ask her... i told her once a couple years ago and she told me maybe im not ready or something around that... could i possibly just NEVER feel it? but like i said...it feels good when the shower hits it...so it HAS to be there... right? Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 I've once dated a woman who couldn't orgasm either. I wasn't hurt when she told me that she couldn't. I just made sure that sex was all about her and did my best to bring her to orgasm. It wasn't a bad thing. Problem is, she never did, and as far as I know (we stayed friends) she still hasn't despite toys and what not. It could be all in your head, if you're not 100% relaxed, it isn't going to happen. I'm thinking that might be the reason since you did say you're not comfortable with him giving you oral. If you were 100% comfortable... you'd be wanting whatever he was offering. My advice is to seek professional help about this. It is not something to be embarased about, sexual fulfillment is an important part of any relationship. You want to feel fulfilled, there's not one thing wrong with that. I'm sure there are some things that a therapist could do for you. I do think you should tell your boyfriend. Tell him that you love making love to him, but you just haven't hit that plateau but you want to, but you need his help. I'm pretty sure his answer will surprise you. Yes, his ego will deflate a bit, that's a given, but if he really cares about pleasuring you, he'll help you out. Link to comment
99Problems Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 ok cool...well first ..like you said...im going to REALLY relax... than if that doesnt work...ill either tell him or ask a professional... but first I just got off birth control because they think somethings wrong with my stomach and i was on morphine because of the pain and blah blah LONG STORY...but... now we have to use condoms... ... but anyway/... ill try relaxing more first... thanx a lot Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 If you're not on birth control be very careful. Condoms aren't 100% effective. Glad I could help. Link to comment
u5ername Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 I was with a man for 7 years and had a similar lack of feeling...it wasn't that he was small or anything but I just couldn't really feel it...and never orgamsmed. Then I dated soemone else, who was about the same size...and I feel everything...and finally got the big O and now know how to get it on my own too. I'm not saying go find another man because I don't think that was it... I think a lot of it is in your mind...this new guy made me feel liberated and I think in turn...my body did too. Just a personal experice of mine Link to comment
savannahohsavannah Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 Please don't feel bad. I think you should go to your obgyn and tell them first. I believe about 30 percent of women are anorgasmic. I'm convinced that much of it could be psychological. But from your description, you make it sound like you don't FEEL. Something could be wrong. Check it out. Link to comment
Momene Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 My dad says condoms don't work. Link to comment
99Problems Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 ok...seprate from the forum that i wrote the other day.... ive been in a relationship with my bf for 7 years almost... is it normal to think sometimes that what it would be like with other people? what EVERYTHING would be like... or when you start to think that way...does that mean your love is fading? were gonna move in together probably around this year...when i get a good job... should i not? i dont think everday... i just sometimes when im going to sleep (he has a very very hard job (wont say)... he works a lot and sees a lot... maybe living together will help us...???????????? Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 Hi 99Problems, Welcome to eNotAlone! ... i dont let him give me oral because im uncomfertable with that ... Sex with oral can be more enjoyable. Please let him do it! You can have a small orgasm then. ... some positions make me feel like i have to pee... and im afraid i will pee... This is good, he is stimulating your g-spot. Put a towel. Forget about peeing, it does not matter, you will not pee, and only a little if you do. Then relax and let him continue for longer, maybe 15-45 minutes the first time. Enjoy your pee fieeling and you will experience a great orgasm. If you have experience, you will orgasm faster and more so when more mature. Enjoy and keep us posted. Link to comment
99Problems Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 ok but what if the feeling of peeing hurts.... what if its kinda a lot of pressure and what if i doooo pee... what if he cant last 45 minutes? i have to JUST get out of the shower before i let him do anything...to feel comfertable...and what if hes doing it and im like ahh just stop...your just not doing it right... Could it possibly be HIM not doing things right? ps: i tried pl;easuring myself...i cant...if i do it real fast my hand gets tired and my legs start to shake and the feeling is weird.... its not a good feeling...its more like the OPPOSITE Of tickle...its like... annoying and the only way it feels good is when im in the shower...and it feels good for a couple minutes...than in a couple minutes the feeling turns to this AHHH were my legs start to twitch And i HAAAVE to take the water away from it because its this weird feeling were its like not numb...but its just so hard to explain./..so it feels good...and at the end it feels REAL NICE for a SPLIT second... than its like OK GET AWAY... (thats with the shower)...me doing it on my own is like... just...nothing Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 Pee before intercourse. You have to get used to this weird feeling, sorry. Me gf feels same but lets go and enjoys it immensly. He does OK. Keep trying, my gf takes less than 5 min but she is already 36 and has experience. You are learning and get closer but have to relax, let your feeling rise without concern. Read the other threads please, the red one and on masturbation. Study, Patience and persistence and please focus on relaxing and enjoyment. Link to comment
99Problems Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 its just...i thought sex...was like...as soon as he puts it in you feel this GREAAAAAAAAAATNESS that everyone talks about...there full of crap... so wait...when im in the shower letting it hit me...i should still even after i feel a good feeling...that thing that makes my legs tingle.... i should keep going with that...i did...for acouple seconds...and it just feels like ahh take it away.... so if i get past that will it feel good...or was that my orgasm and was that telling me OK u orgasmed now stop?... sometimes when he drives and my jeans rub on me some sort of way...it feels good...real quick though...but i can never get it again...i donno... i think im doomed...and ill never tell the kid that he doesnt please me...id never do that... ne comments? (i donno what im saying...im just agrivated) i think most girls that say OMG he made me orgasm 3 times blah blah...i think there full of it.... Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 i think most girls that say OMG he made me orgasm 3 times blah blah...i think there full of it.... I think so, they do know as much as you. Read and train until you get there. Couple weeks, 10 sessions, no problem. Link to comment
Aurian Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 No, just having him insert it isn't enough for most women. Don't believe those silly romance novels. Link to comment
New Beginning Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I never had the big O until my husband (boyfriend at the time) convinced me to let him do oral sex on me. I was skiddish but it was the best thing and my problem was solved!! So take a shower together then let him go down on you. You have NO IDEA what you are missing. If you get something out of the shower head then you can get alot more out of oral sex. Relax, go slow, enjoy, and try not to make it a project. Go with the feeling and you'll get there.. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I never had the big O until my husband (boyfriend at the time) convinced me to let him do oral sex on me. I was skiddish but it was the best thing and my problem was solved!! I had an interesting experience with my gf of 9+ years. I got her to orgasm via g-spot the first time we had sex. She had learned that with another guy more or less by accident. For years, I assumed that she was having great orgasms - both inside and outside. However, once I went down on her clit really intense and she had the first orgasm that route. Well, assumption is the mother of all Such is life. So take a shower together then let him go down on you. You have NO IDEA what you are missing. If you get something out of the shower head then you can get alot more out of oral sex. Relax, go slow, enjoy, and try not to make it a project. Go with the feeling and you'll get there.. 99Problems are you ready to take a ladies advice? Link to comment
99Problems Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 ok but i did let him do it to me like when we first started going out (about 6 yrs ago...(i was his first and he was my first)... i didnt feel anything...maybe we were new at it and he didnt know what to do or whatever... and i OF course wanted to look good while he was doing it...so i was constnatly thinking of what i look like.. i hope that didnt count? cuz i didnt feel anything when he was oral with me... he always wants to though...he alwasy starts to go down there and im like nooo... i guess when we get a house together and we are alone and no parents or nobody around...thats when i can finally just...be relaxed...but for now..the car is a hard place to do things.. ok just...what if he does it to me and i dont feel anything...i dont wanna fake it.... so do i just say...ok thsi aint working? i mean... i donno im just so frustrated with the whole situation... why cant i be one of those girls that u just touch me and i feel it... i mean... i give him oral all the time...i love doing it to him...(he likes it to)... ill do it whenever werever... i get horney when he is feeling pleasure... i feel thumping sometimes ...but whats weird is... when hes not around i feel thumping and im like...i wonder if this is a good time to do it... cuz i think of him at night... but... it never happens when were together... any more advice...KEEP IT COMIN LADIES LOL...i need you... (cant take it ne more) * i never masterbat...cuz i cant feel it...ive tried... but like i said the shower hitting me feels good...so i guess that is masterbating...*...but i cant even finger myself...i dont feel anything than either Link to comment
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