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"She" comes up to me after 3 years


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Hey,

So I dated this girl a long time ago..more on the story at

 

 

 

Today, I was sitting outside my lab, grabbing a coffee and a smoke and she passed me by..looked at me & smiled, I didnt and just looked away..she walked another 50-60 ft, got talking to a guy and then when she finished talking to him..turned back and walked up to me to say "hi". We talked for 15-20 mins and it looked like she was reminiscing/maybe missing the old days. We talked mostly about what we wanted to do with life and life after graduation and a little about the past..she ended up saying "So I just wanted to say "hi" and I know I've been a real b***h to you and you are one person who doesnt deserve that". She told me she had a bf (and I kinda knew she had one) and that he'd asked her to marry him but she didnt wanna get married, honestly I got the feeling that she doesnt want to settle down with him. She asked me what my plans were about marriage and I said that I dont plan to have one for a long time. She sounded confused with what she wanted to do after graduation, said she wanted to be a dance teacher instead of being a chemical engineer. I have 6 months to go before I graduate and I'll be out of this place and maybe never get to see her again, anyone in this situation? This girl brings out emotions in me like anything..about the only girl i've truly selflessly loved and its been a hard track to try and get over her and thought I'd finally done it before she walked up to me and now I am a little bit of a mess. Thanks for reading, send in any comments about this post.

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You were together only for 5 months. You didn't even get a chance to end the honeymoon phase and see her whitout rose tinted glasses. I was thinking that you were dating much longer.

 

This was just a talk on the street. Maybe she was nostalgic or something. If she contacts you in a way that it requires effort than you have a case. This was too easy, she bumped into you. It is not like she called you or something.

I think you are overanalizing the situation because you care. And you care because she ended it and you didn't have a chance to see her objectivly as I said.

 

Take your time because you will get over her. And keep going out, meeting new girls, having fun. That changes your perspective a lot. Don't be only about your work and study. It is important to have a social life - that way you will have a chance to see how many opportunities you have.

I am not saying that you should date just to date. But having fun, flirting is o.k.

This is what I did after a really bad relationship. And I didn't find a new bf immediately, but it was nice knowing that there are people who find me attractive or worth of their time. Who are willing to treat me the way I deserve. Or at least to know that people like my company and call me out for clubbing, parties atc. Knowing that you are attractive helps a lot.

 

Having a social life and constantly beeing on the move is like when you climb on the hill and you see the familiar things you've looked from one angle for a long time from a completely different point of view.

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This girl brings out emotions in me like anything..about the only girl i've truly selflessly loved

I'm thinking aloud here, but maybe we aren't supposed to end up with the ones we truly, selflessly love? Unless (of course) you truly selflessly love each other, but even then, it will not be at exactly equal level all the time.

 

The guy I loved with all my heart and soul, to the point that nearly destroyed me, decided he didn't love me any more. And his actions had said for a long time he didn't love me as much as I loved him. Now I am with a guy who is fantastic, much better than my ex, but I don't love him. I don't feel the selfless devotion.

 

So I'm not sure that true, selfless, love is necessarily a good thing. Maybe we just get so caught up in the sacrifice?

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You will not be genuinly happy with her if you have gotten over her. I know how you feel, your a good person, and your feeling are understandable. You just have to move on.

 

If you keep your head up you will find very easily a better woman. One that makes you feel better, and relieved you didn't get back with this other woman.

 

Don't give into the fantasy of getting back with her, it isn't what you think it will be. Just follow your heart, it should tell you that you need to move on. I know it's hard, but this is advice I am giving you in your best interest. I'm from the outside looking in, and that's a logical point of view. Emotion aside.

 

Don't throw your happiness away, start fresh. You deserve to meet a woman who you fall for and she falls for you and there is no complications. The one shouldn't break up and then come back, it doesn't happen like that. It works or it doesn't. It's not anyones fault really, your being in a mess emotionally is okay. Just give it time till you can get back on your feet.

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honeymoon phase is 2/3/months.

 

but 5months isnt long. . .

Look, I'm sorry, but I find quoting figures of "honeymoon" periods as some sort of loose rule is absolutely laughable.

 

Fact: Every relationship is different

 

What the heck does honeymoon period reference anyway? Does it mean the time taken before you stop being madly infatuated with someone? What is mad infatuation? Does it refer to the time taken to really know someone?

 

Relationships are, IMHO, the most complex of all human interactions. Five months, or five minutes, every relationship is unique and its clear a lasting impression was left on the OP.

 

The truth is that we will never know why she did what she did, what her intentions were. It would seem to me her intentions showed that she cared about you enough to want to go back and talk to you, admitting some guilt, and asking some questions about your love life. None of this indicates that she "wants you back" necessarily.

 

You just need to flow with things. Sit on it and think for a while, if you think getting in touch with her is the right thing to do - have a realistic consideration about the potential outcomes (good and bad), and then pick a course of action.

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I think you may need to get some other intests like a hobby something to go out there and enjoy yourself. After 5 months nothing is really solid its not a really serious relationship. You should be glad it ended because it would have saved you a lot more heartache in 2 or 3 years. Maybee become her friend but dont be best friends send her a text every now and again asking how she is but only do this once you are over her. Then if there is a possibility of getting back together take it extremely slow dont rush things DONT FALL IN LOVE SO QUICKLY sometimes this can put people off i.e he wants to marry her "she is put Off"!

 

This maybe wrong what i have said but its my views.

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I really didn't know that you will be so preocuppied with this expresion honeymoon phase. I was reffering to a stage in a relationship where you are not comletly able to see the other person as she is. Maybe it is 2, maybe 3 months, maybe a year, who knows, depends. I was saying that 5 months is not much time to get to know the other person in a way that you know her flaws and annoying things she does and you still want to stay with her - based on reason not on blind passion.

 

Do you call someone your best friend after 5 months of hanging around? I doubt it. It takes longer. So why saying that someone is The One for you after such short period of time. If you are really into someone it takes longer to gain objectivity. The more you are in love the longer it takes.

 

So, this is for me honeymoon phase.

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