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Am I crazy???? Ok dont answer that!


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So I am curious to what people think of this although I already have an idea plus its been too long since I started a thread.

 

My ex which I broke up with 5 months ago is back in town(went back home). She is from Europe and had applied to a University here when we had the idea we would start our together here. Well We have been in pretty much NC the whole time bar a few emails she sent me wanting to know why we broke up but of course as was our relationship I had to do all the explaining as to what went on.

 

In those 5 months she decided to come back here to do her university. Cool no worries. However she had asked my friend (who is female) if she (ex) could stay with her (friend) until she finds her own place. My friend brought this to my attention a few months back and asked if I was cool with that. Not wanting to be a I said yeah cool but keep out of any discussion about us. Although my ex and my friend had hug together a bit over the course of two months I think my friend was a little surprised by the exes request.

 

Now the thing is my ex never once asked me if it was cool or I was cool with it. I have further discussed it with my friend stating I do not want them to be chatting away about me and the relationship and to send the ex to me for any questions she has. My friend totally understands and understands that we have a longer history so she doesnt want to get invovled at all. I am ticked the ex would pull a stunt like this, although it doesnt surprise me. I mean she(ex) has sent me emails asking questions and stuff about the relationship, but never once metioned it too me that she was coming back or staying with my friend.

 

Question: How would you feel if your ex asked your friend to put them up without asking you if it was cool?

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me, personally, I guess I wouldn't really care. I might find it a bit odd, but ultimately, if the breakup was 5 months ago, then it doesn't really have any bearing on my life anymore.

 

maybe your ex called her because she is desperate and doesn't want to stay in a hotel and knows no one else to ask to stay with? or the others she knows said no for whatever reason.

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I would feel upset about it but to a point, first I have to understand that My EX is the past and what she does should not bother me. Umm the e-mail thing I can relate to, EXs do put that e-mail stunt in trying to find out answers but leaving you in the blind. Currently my EX is doing that but I have come to the point of refusing to answer his persisiting questions if we are not going to get back together anyway. Tyler I suggest not to bother with that EX and dont reply her emails regarding relationship questions if she doesnt tell you what her plans are, look what she did to you in trying to come back without telling you.

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me, personally, I guess I wouldn't really care. I might find it a bit odd, but ultimately, if the breakup was 5 months ago, then it doesn't really have any bearing on my life anymore.

 

maybe your ex called her because she is desperate and doesn't want to stay in a hotel and knows no one else to ask to stay with? or the others she knows said no for whatever reason.

 

Yeah I know she wants a start here and a little help which is no problem. I do not want to get back together in fact I am moving oversees for a career so its largely irrrelvant to me considering these two things. But everyone keeps saying its odd. What I think is its disrepectful consdering I told her not to contact me.

 

I would feel upset about it but to a point, first I have to understand that My EX is the past and what she does should not bother me. Umm the e-mail thing I can relate to, EXs do put that e-mail stunt in trying to find out answers but leaving you in the blind. Currently my EX is doing that but I have come to the point of refusing to answer his persisiting questions if we are not going to get back together anyway. Tyler I suggest not to bother with that EX and dont reply her emails regarding relationship questions if she doesnt tell you what her plans are, look what she did to you in trying to come back without telling you.

 

Sure shes in the past thats cool. Yes I do still have feelings for her to some degree, we were together for 3 years. I dont want contact with her yet she doesnt respect that. I do not respond to her emails in fact I responded to one of them 2 months ago and asked 3 specific questions with she replied 1 1/2 months later without answering one of them, only telling me she was frustrated by my last email. So no I am not talking to her nor wanting to. Same old same old.

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It's just that she could go to another school. I guess to me that's what seems odd. If I was done with someone, I'd be staying AWAY from their city (at almost any cost), not trying to be in it. Anyway, realistically your friendship with 'friend' is probably going to be strained, and also there's no way you're going to not be in contact with her because the two girls will most likely talk. So it's like if you tell your friend what you did last weekend, you should almost consider it telling your ex. Well you're moving away though any way right, so if you truly don't wish to be in touch with 'ex' then I recommend withdrawing from friendship with 'friend' for at least a while.

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It's just that she could go to another school. I guess to me that's what seems odd. If I was done with someone, I'd be staying AWAY from their city (at almost any cost), not trying to be in it. Anyway, realistically your friendship with 'friend' is probably going to be strained, and also there's no way you're going to not be in contact with her because the two girls will most likely talk. So it's like if you tell your friend what you did last weekend, you should almost consider it telling your ex. Well you're moving away though any way right, so if you truly don't wish to be in touch with 'ex' then I recommend withdrawing from friendship with 'friend' for at least a while.

 

She could go to another school. However I think she would have to wait another year to get in a school in her country. Shes 24, quit university previously after one year and under pressure from dad to get something started. To me its irrelevant where she goes to school, I think its because shes in a hurry to start something, although you are not the first person to bring up that point.

 

In so much as my relationship with my friend. I made it clear we would not being hanging out that much while the ex is staying wiht her. I made it clear by no means did I harbour any ill will towards her its simply I dont know what the exes intentions are regarding me. Considering her largely pointless emails that are all about her and what she needs, my concern was she woudl be trying to fish info out of my friend. I also stated my wish for my friend to direct the ex to me if she starts to ask questions.

 

My friend is someone I know from high school and I trust that she will not disrespect my wishes for her to not get involved. Would she tell my ex what I did on the weekend? Dont really care. I am not worried about our friendship. I get the feeling my ex thinks they are better friends than my friend does.

 

All in all it comes down to the fact that my ex didnt bother to ask me, which I find a show of disrespect but again it doesnt surprise me at all. It just leaves me shaking my head that she would not find it at all presumptuous.

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It does seem presumptuous to me. But backtracking, the whole thing is this. If I were done with an ex. Believe me, I would (have) go to some pretty large lengths to avoid running into them. Living with his close friend would not be my first thought of how to accomplish that. There are always other alternatives. I'm just sayin'.....

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It does seem presumptuous to me. But backtracking, the whole thing is this. If I were done with an ex. Believe me, I would (have) go to some pretty large lengths to avoid running into them. Living with his close friend would not be my first thought of how to accomplish that. There are always other alternatives. I'm just sayin'.....

 

True. I know shes far from independent and thats more than likely why she would take the easy way out. She asked my friend 2 months ago and I think at that point she still had feelings for me not get back together feelings necessarily but maybe not completely over me. But maybe she is and thats why its no concern to her that we would run into each other. Either way all she had to was show a little thought and respect, for all she knew I could have been losing sleep and weight over her.

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tyler, i don't want to sound like a buttmunch, but i don't get why you feel you should have any say in what they do or who they talk about. you know i respect the hell out of you, but it just doesn't seem right to me. am i missing something?

 

Your not still angry over the hand bag comment?

 

I dont have control over what they say nor do I want control. I simply made it clear to my friend that I would appreciate if she did not get involved by talking to my ex about me. Simply put my friend is someone I have been good friends with for 15 years.

 

She knows my ex through me and has hung out with my ex before over the 2 months my ex was here. She is letting my ex stay with her to help my ex out. My friend asked me if it was cool and I said I dont have a problem with my ex staying with her I just dont want her getting involved. I dont care what they do. I dont want to deal with my ex, who knows maybe we will all hang out and thats fine. However I would like to avoid it at this point, its that crazy little NC thing.

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LMAO the Gucci post! dude, that was the best i've ever been capped on in my life! how could i be mad?

 

as far as this thing goes, i don't realistically foresee them NOT talking about you. but you're a cool guy, maybe it will all be good?

 

Capped? Ah the SoCal lingo. Hanging wit Easy and Cube!

 

I am pretty certain they wont be. I have trust in my friend. But if they do well I guess i'll never know. Anyways thats not the issue I was asking about. Cool .... dont know if that makes a difference in this case

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If it were me I think I would also be curious as to why she would pick MY friend to stay with! Does she know anyone else there that she could stay with or is this the only other person she is close to?

 

Don't let it bother you anymore Ty, whats done is done and as long as your friend keeps her word about staying out of it, it will be ok. I hope and doubt she WANTS to get in the middle of a broken relationship...not a nice place to be!

 

I don't see, however, why she would need to 'ask' you if she could land at your friends pad...

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If it were me I think I would also be curious as to why she would pick MY friend to stay with! Does she know anyone else there that she could stay with or is this the only other person she is close to?

 

Don't let it bother you anymore Ty, whats done is done and as long as your friend keeps her word about staying out of it, it will be ok. I hope and doubt she WANTS to get in the middle of a broken relationship...not a nice place to be!

 

I don't see, however, why she would need to 'ask' you if she could land at your friends pad...

 

I am not really worried. A bit pissed yes but I am not losing sleep over it so its all good. Yes my friend is a bit uncomfortable and there is no established time limit as such however I know she will say something if it gets too much. Shes not close to my friend thats the thing. They knew each other for two months and quite frankly my friend is doing it to help her out. There is no other place to stay other than hotel, hostel etc.

 

As for why my ex should have asked me. To me its just a general rule of respect. An understanding that after a relatiosnhip ends things may not be all good. For myself I woudl at least check in before presuming it was ok. I guess really if its OK for my ex to send me emails asking me for closure and what not then it woudl not have been too much to ask if I was ok with it.

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So Mr. Durden, is there supposed to be some sort of time limit on how long it takes before 'ex' gets her own place, or is it just an indefinite arrangement?

 

Mister? I like it. Actually normally I hate when people call me that (in this case its cool) at the super market at work etc. Dont knwo why but I prefer to me called by my first name.

 

Ahhhh I just answered your question in another post. Oops. No tiem limit as such but my friend doesnt really want her around too long. The ex is sleeping on her couch as its a one bedroom apartment.

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Mister? I like it. Actually normally I hate when people call me that (in this case its cool) at the super market at work etc. Dont knwo why but I prefer to me called by my first name.

 

Cool so Mr. Durden it is then

 

I prefer my last name but as an example prefer Ms. Cuddle as opposed to Miss Cuddle. Miss seems more appropriate for a 12 year old.

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Ty - do you feel like she's doing that to get closer or have an in....with you?

 

I obvioulsy don't know anything other than what you've said about your ex, but that she's contacting you, trying to stay with your friend...DOES sound a bit odd.

 

Of course you don't want to "control" anyone or anything, but if you still hang with your friend and your ex is going to be about, yeh, that's rude of her to stick herself there. To me anyway...

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Ty - do you feel like she's doing that to get closer or have an in....with you?

 

I obvioulsy don't know anything other than what you've said about your ex, but that she's contacting you, trying to stay with your friend...DOES sound a bit odd.

 

Of course you don't want to "control" anyone or anything, but if you still hang with your friend and your ex is going to be about, yeh, that's rude of her to stick herself there. To me anyway...

 

My feelings on why she is doing that. I really think simply from what I know of her is that:

 

1. Shes coming here to go to school because its easier than waiting another year in her country. Its "mucho" more expensive to go to school here as an international student but her family is covering that and it could be the challenge of doing something on her own. Thats a good thing for her and something I personally think she needs to do.

 

2. I think she is staying with my friend because she knows her somewhat. I do think however she gets easily attached and sees realtionships (friendships etc) in a different light than the other person does. There were instances throughout our relationship that strongly indicate this. I know see she is "a friend to all is a friend to none" person. My belief is that its easy for her to stay with someone she feels she knows, and of course it is.

 

3. As to why she doesnt have a problem with basically showing up at my friends house without giving me a heads up or even asking me which to me would have been the respectful thing to do I am not too sure why she went about it this way. Again in the few emails she has sent me not one mentioned I am coming back and not one mentioned staying wiht my friend. Maybe its because she felt closer to my friend than she really is. I think it took my friend by surprise and she asked me if it was OK with me.

 

Simply put its about respecting boundaries. Its one thing if she came here and decided to phone up my friend and say "lets hang out" or even if I was out of town and she decided to ask her if she could stay with her. I see my friend on a weekly basis which the ex knows. My friend is also part of larger group of friends I have known since high school. The rest of them thinks its rude or odd or weird or whatever.

 

For me I could not imagine phoning up one of her good friends she sees regularily and saying "can I stay with you until I find a place?" without at least talking to her first and seeing if she was ok with it. In fact I probably would bite the bullet and not even ask.

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