Can Skin Color Be A Curse?

[jurupa]

WHAT?? I think that is ridiculous. People explain by what they see not by how they were raised. If they said a racial slur then yes it is a problem. Not if they say "oh the black guy." It is just like when someone says "oh the blonde?" or "the tall girl?"

 

I think it has nothing to do how a person is raised nor if they are following others. Come on now! Really.

Actually I think how you where raised does play a part in it. But it also goes back to nature v enivorment. In some aspects I get along better with black and mexican people that I do with asians and some white people and I am a white. I have also lived in the Los Angeles suburbs my whole life. Now the fact that white people in Los Angeles and the Los Angeles suburbs are the minority does play into it.

[Amaranth22]

Well, my favorite stores are Express and NY and Co. I would say I do dress profesionally most of the time because I want to be perceived as such at work. I don't think I should have to wear mini skirts and low cut blouses to get the attention of the guys I like. And I think that would send out the wrong message, anyway. It's not like I wear baggy old lady clothing--I'm slim and I wear form-fitting shirts and pants.

 

I do pray about it--that God would send me the right guy for me. I'm so tired of being rejected by these guys without good reason. I do straighten my hair, not in the attempt to "act white" but simply because it makes it easier to take care of. I am rather conservative. Years ago I was attracted to the "bad boys"--the ones that were cute but always chose the cute blonds over me. So, I decided to go for more conservative Christian guys, but I get the same response from these guys. They don't call me when I give them my number or laugh at the idea of dating me when I am putting my heart on the line. Maybe they are all too conservative to date a black girl. Maybe they are afraid of shocking their parents. I don't know what it is. My skin is so light that the majority of people think I am mixed or are not sure what my background is. Again, I was born this way, and I'm happy with that, but I think the world just stinks.

 

Ideally, I would like to move to an area where the mixing of "races" is not so taboo. Around here I see plenty of black men with white women, but white men with black women is still a rarity.

 

I could go on an on about this. I hate being lumped in a category when I am just as plesant and date-worthy as the more "western looking" girl standing beside me.

[Amaranth22]

have you tried highlights in your hair, those make you look youthful, and some bright makeup colors (not 80's style of course) like from M.A.C. make-up. That should do the job.

 

I've been thinking a lot about getting highlights lately. Maybe I should try brighter makeup too...

[Amaranth22]

Actually, this really irks me, when guys on online dating sites list every race except African American, but they include Hispanics. There are Hispanic women that are a lot darker than I am. I think these guys all watch the Spanish channels and see these European looking women with long legs and big chests and they think all Hispanic women look like this--not the case!

[ElektraHere]

Is this thread becoming racial or is it still the fact that you need to be proud of who you are be it black, white, asian, or hispanic. I think people are afraid of the unknown and the uncomfortable. Although once people are exposed to those thingsw that frighten them it doesn't seem as bad as they once thought.

 

The only way to make change is to be active about it and not sit back and complain about it. I am not saying you are doing that I am speaking in general terms. We as a society (the US that is) have become pretty proffecient complainers but no one is willing to step up anymore and do something.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Actually, this really irks me, when guys on online dating sites list every race except African American, but they include Hispanics.

I notice this for black guys as well and it's frustrating and insulting. I don't care who wants what, we all have our preferences/tastes ect. I'm black and my girlfriend in first grade was white. Come to think of it, because I was funny, there were about 5 girls that I can remember off the top of my head who liked me and 4 of them were white. During parents/teachers night, the girls introduced me to their parents and they met my parents. I guess from this experience, seeing that their parents complimented me and such and didn't have that "you better stay away from him" look, I never looked at race.

 

But back to the personals. Someone pointed it out here a while back about black guys being singled out,as in everyone but him, so I investigated. I did the "advanced search" on three sites: yahoo personals, link removed and another one that I can't remember. I specifically picked caucasian and hispanic to see if it was true. A great number of them listed every race available as their preference except black. That was insulting because I wonder why so many did so.

 

My dilemma is that I look Hispanic. Everyone would swear that I am. So when the women on these sites list Hispanic as their preference, I wonder if it's the Ricky Martin/Carlos Ponce Hispanic, which I am not even close to looking like, or a darker shade of hispanic, since I am tan. I would gather they are looking for the Ricky Martins and Carlos Ponces, especially after the latin explosion hit.

 

There are Hispanic women that are a lot darker than I am. I think these guys all watch the Spanish channels and see these European looking women with long legs and big chests and they think all Hispanic women look like this--not the case!

Guilty. I love novelas. I used to watch them for the legs years ago, but then one day I actually got sucked into the story and now I'm hooked on those cheesy dramatic closeups that zoom into the actors and actresses noses.

 

By the way, if you look at the interracial spectrum, seeing a white guy with a black girl, especially with african features, is less common than the other scenarios by a dramatic count from what I've seen. Can this be true?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Ana maybe it is the place you live afterall. You might want to do some reasearch then, before you move if you do. Because I really think a lot of cities and regions are not like that. Personally I don't blink an eye if I see an interracial couple maybe that's just me, but I don't think it is. It's really not a big deal. It's hard to imagine anyone still being that backward to think their family shouldn't date someone based on color. But yeah, maybe it's a culture of where you live.

[orangecounty]

I'm caucaisian and I never get asked out. I don't think it matters what nationality you are, it's tough. It may be the reason you THINK is holding guys back when it could be something entirely different. In my case, I think I'm just a really shy girl and I don't seem interested enough for guys to pursue me. Yah, see, I think it has little to nothing to do with your nationality.

[Stinkweed]

If skin color or ethnicity matters to someone, then they're not worth your time. I, myself, am a hispanic guy, and I can say that I've had white friends, asian friends, black friends, and other latino friends as well, and I never had to act any different when hanging out with any of them than I did when hanging out with other ones of them. Never had to choose my words and I pity the people who do have to and act all self-conscious just because they're interacting with someone who looks different. And the same goes with all the girls I've been attracted to...

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[New_Horizons]

I'll be frank with you. Yes it is a curse IF the race you desire doesn't desire you. You're stuck with either changing your preferences (difficult) or changing other's preferences (impossible). I'm a 'brown' guy attracted to white females but I consider it a great day when one bothers to smile at me.

 

Wlfpack, I have serious doubts about Virginia after that racist public remark by a senator a few days ago.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[Entomon]

Amaranth22, I think the problem is not the color of your skin or location. Rather than limiting yourself to dating just white men, you can open yourself up to accepting men of any race who show interest in you.

[DN]

Amaranth22, I think the problem is not the color of your skin or location. Rather than limiting yourself to dating just white men, you can open yourself up to accepting men of any race who show interest in you.

This is a good point, Amaranth22, because it seems you are angry with white men for reacting to you in the same way you react to black men.

[Amaranth22]

I guess I should emphasize that while I tend to like guys with "western features" I am open to dating guys of any race. More than anything I want a guy with ambition and good values. I never said I have never been attracted to black men. I guess it's just a matter of what I'm around more--I have been raised around mostly white people. Most of my friends were white growing up, the majority of people at work are white. I don't see many black men around my age with ambition around here. At the same time, I would not choose a black man over a white man that I am equally attracted to just because it would be an "easier" life. I would go with who was better for me.

 

Perhaps the problem is just men in general in this area where I live. Young attractive single ambitious men seem to be a rarity. When I find one (and yes, more often than not they are white) I want to grab onto him. But these men are never attracted to me. If race is not the issue, maybe there is a deeper issue that I cannot see.

[itsallgrand]

Young attractive single ambitious men seem to be a rarity. When I find one (and yes, more often than not they are white) I want to grab onto him. But these men are never attracted to me. If race is not the issue, maybe there is a deeper issue that I cannot see.

 

!! Young, attractive, single, ambitious men ARE a rarity! Welcome to the club. Then, more often than not, when ya find a good one he isn't attracted or it doesn't work out.

You're in the same situation as the rest of us! lol.

Maybe you just expected it to be easier.

 

I honestly think you should drop and forget the 'race preference' thing. There is nothing you can do about it even if it were true. And if it were true, it may just be a specific location. Come visit me in my parts and you will have plenty of white men hitting on you. Not saying they are all 'young,attractive, single, and ambitious' though. lol.

 

Focus on the things you have control over. Self-improvement, maybe expanding your interests, maybe going places you don't usually go and talking to people you wouldn't normally. There are a lot of things you can try.

 

And then...patience. It's not easy for many of us. Good luck, Amaranth!

[DN]

What do you mean by 'ambitious'?

[Amaranth22]

Thanks itsallgrand!

 

DN, when I say "ambitious" I mean a guy that wants something out of his life, a guy that's always striving for something better. I tend to go for the college-educated types that want to make a good life for themselves and aren't comfortable with, say, mooching off mom and dad for the rest of their lives.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Now I think you should expand beyond college educated. I'm definitely not saying that there's anything wrong with having a degree. But to be quite honest, many (not all!) of the people who have degrees have them because mommy and daddy put them up and paid their way (or padded their income) through school. Whereas many of the people who don't did not have that luxury and learned to take care of themselves much sooner. Look at how he's managed the hand he's been dealt.

 

Case in point, It took my brother till about 30 to finish school, all while supporting his family, working a full time job, plus a part time job, plus the military reserves, plus active in the church. No one helped him financially, but little by little he perservered and he is quite successful now, and very much appreciates everything he owns. If I were a woman I'd prefer to be with him, than with someone who never had to worry about where the money was going to come from. But again, maybe that's just me.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

maybe it can be a curse when thinking about approaching someone you like, as if they consider dating outside of their race. Because my parents didn't care about skin color and because of my early experiences in school, I never gave it a second thought. But more and more I do think about it, it could make me take a moonwalk back. The girl I wrote about in the thread with my going to the ER is white, but with me thinking of asking her out, the racial issue never crossed my mind. If I ever gather the courage to ask her out, it may pop up in my head, but I don't go off thinking what a girl's preference is because that guessing game is a game played to be lost.

 

 

 

I'm just looking for love.

[Considerate Empath]

Agree with this, but about the text in bold: Are you not a woman then? Says you are, but I suppose you ment "If I were a woman and not his brother" or something like that?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Agree with this, but about the text in bold: Are you not a woman then? Says you are, but I suppose you ment "If I were a woman and not his brother" or something like that?

 

Good call, yes I mean exactly that I think I was trying to exclude myself as a potential mate for my bro (ick)...

[Dr. Faust]

I personally don't understand why race would ever be an issue. I find women of EVERY skin color attractive

[Stinkweed]

I personally don't understand why race would ever be an issue. I find women of EVERY skin color attractive

 

Ditto. It's just better when a woman is well-mannered, tho. I mean, she doesn't have to be extra nice and stuff... No, just good manners, please. None of that rudeness I've seen (I'm not generalizing, I'm just talking about a couple or recent experiences...).