She talks about her ex alot

[ShroomzGod]

I've just started dating this awesome girl I met at school. When her and I first talked to eachother we instantly connect, sorta, I mean as much as u can w/ someone in an hour. I went out with her twice now and we have a ton of fun together.

 

I'm pretty sure that she just resently broke up. I know for a fact that thy were together at the end of may. Well she kinda brings him up every now and then more than I would like her too. It's mostly in frustration like she's venting to me. She could tell that it made me alittle upset and she apoligized. I know we've been only been out twice but It's been 2 awesome dates. We connect like crazy. I know she really likes me, trust me I can tell. Plus we make out like crazy. ;-)

 

Anyway do you think this'll presist and if it does what should I do about it?

thanks peps

[Iceman26]

It really all depends on the person. I think the most telling factor would be if he is out of her life or not, meaning she doesn't see him, talk to him, etc.

 

If he is out of her life, than I would just give it some time and take things slowly with her.

[ShroomzGod]

I think he still in her life, but I dont think he will in the future, she'll be movin away from home at the end of this week. She says she can't wait to get away from her friends (his friends). I know he calls her constantly.

[tylercdurden2004]

Seriously I would change the subject. The last thing you want is to become friendzoned by being her therapist. Keep your dates light and funny and if she brings up the ex a bit then let her vent for 1 minute tehn bring up something else. Show her you are confident and dont need to play her therapist to get her also show its something that doesnt bother you. Glad to here you found someone new instead of your ex. Good on ya!

[bebecole]

shes probably still not over the break-up. but that doesnt mean she doesnt like you. if shes venting i say let her, she needs to get it out and maybe it will be a way for her to get over him. But in a way i can see how you get pissed, most girls vent to their girlfriends but maybe she doesnt have anyone to talk too.. humm.. well if this goes on for a another week or two. i would def. say something to her about it like. why are you always bringing up your ex?? ya know? i think she just needs time to heal from the breakup and she rushed into the relationship with you maybe to get her mind off him.. like a rebound?? maybe.

[ShroomzGod]

Seriously I would change the subject. The last thing you want is to become friendzoned by being her therapist. Keep your dates light and funny and if she brings up the ex a bit then let her vent for 1 minute tehn bring up something else. Show her you are confident and dont need to play her therapist to get her also show its something that doesnt bother you. Glad to here you found someone new instead of your ex. Good on ya!

 

Thanks buddy you helped get the ball rollin.

[ShroomzGod]

i think she just needs time to heal from the breakup and she rushed into the relationship with you maybe to get her mind off him.. like a rebound?? maybe.

 

I'm keepin that in the back of my mind trust me. I won't be blindsided.

[Dating Coach]

If she really wanted to get away from his calling she could block his number. It's pretty simple.

[annie24]

I agree with tyler and ddogg. change the subject. and she can block his calls. I don't buy it when people say, "well, I don't want to be rude!!!" (people hang up on telemarketers all the time, by the way.)

 

you may be a rebound or she may be using you as her therapist. don't put up with either.

 

time will tell what direction you two are headed in.

[tylercdurden2004]

I don't buy it when people say, "well, I don't want to be rude!!!" (people hang up on telemarketers all the time, by the way.)

 

you may be a rebound or she may be using you as her therapist. don't put up with either.

 

time will tell what direction you two are headed in.

 

Too true. Not that I have ever been a telemarketer. Why not be rude? Oh yeah its called hanging on.

[ShroomzGod]

Well, she never picks up in front of me and she never asks for advice, I'll keep you guys informed.

[heloladies21]

You know, I hesitate to say something because a lot of it depends on how she's doing it. Does it seem like it comes out of left field sometimes? Or is she always looking for a way to slam her ex when the opportunity comes up in unrelated conversation? Does she seem bitter or does she seem broken?

[ShroomzGod]

She seems a little bitter. It doesn't come out of left field more like compairing the 2 of us, sorta, when I do things that are caring, that I'm guessing he didn't.

[annie24]

Yeah, I went on a few dates in college with a guy like that. He kept bringing up his ex at the most random times. I'd be like, "Did you see that movie?" He said, "yeah, I saw it with my ex 2 years ago on our 1 year anniversary." Or, he'd look at a magazine on my coffee table, and say, "My ex looks kind of like this girl."

 

At first I was wondering if he was doing it to pique my interest - you know, make me jealous. But then I just figured out he was socially dumb. He dated my roommate later that year, and did the same thing to her also. She also gave up on him.

[ShroomzGod]

I'd be like, "Did you see that movie?" He said, "yeah, I saw it with my ex 2 years ago on our 1 year anniversary." Or, he'd look at a magazine on my coffee table, and say, "My ex looks kind of like this girl."

 

It's nothing like that. More about how he's a jerk, after I do something he didn't like tell her she's cute.

[annie24]

hm. it does sound like she's not over him. I definitely don't talk about my exes on dates. No one wants to be compared to whoever came before them.

 

I don't want someone thinking, "why was she dating that loser? does she have low standards? bad self-esteem? doesn't think she deserves to be treated better? Why isn't she over him?"

[tylercdurden2004]

Yeah, I went on a few dates in college with a guy like that. He kept bringing up his ex at the most random times. I'd be like, "Did you see that movie?" He said, "yeah, I saw it with my ex 2 years ago on our 1 year anniversary." Or, he'd look at a magazine on my coffee table, and say, "My ex looks kind of like this girl."

 

At first I was wondering if he was doing it to pique my interest - you know, make me jealous. But then I just figured out he was socially dumb. He dated my roommate later that year, and did the same thing to her also. She also gave up on him.

 

 

Annie 24: Plus, my exes aren't really emotional/feelings-driven types of guys, so I doubt they would hang out here

All about balance eh! Over emotional/Under emotional.

[annie24]

he wasn't emotional though... just kept making random comments like that all the time, very calmly no bashing or anything. Like I said, he was just dumb. Did I ask you WHO you saw the movie with? No. I just wanted to know if you SAW the movie, thank you very much!

[tylercdurden2004]

he wasn't emotional though... just kept making random comments like that all the time, very calmly no bashing or anything. Like I said, he was just dumb. Did I ask you WHO you saw the movie with? No. I just wanted to know if you SAW the movie, thank you very much!

 

 

LOL Man I promise I wont cross you!

[annie24]

She seems a little bitter. It doesn't come out of left field more like compairing the 2 of us, sorta, when I do things that are caring, that I'm guessing he didn't.

 

see, why does she have to do this? I'm guessing she could be socially dumb herself. someone needs to send her an article about how not to talk about exes on dates.

 

she could just say, "thanks - you're such an awesome guy" (and she can leave off the "unlike my ex" part.)

[ShroomzGod]

she could just say, "thanks - you're such an awesome guy" (and she can leave off the "unlike my ex" part.)

 

She does say stuff like that too. She said at the end of our last date that she knows she talks about him alot. I'm goin out w/ her on Thursday I'll see if anything changed. It's been a long time since she's been out there dating so she doesn't really know not to talk about him. We'll see what happens Thursday.

[heloladies21]

And that time she could tell it was upsetting you, how did that happen exactly? How did you react and then how was her reaction?

[ShroomzGod]

She said something about him and I made a disapproving face and slightly turned my body language away from her. When she noticed she said "I'm sorry I talk about him alot don't I, I'll stop." Something along those lines.

[heloladies21]

Some thing inside me tells me you kind of need to get her to stop. If she's not being so harsh about it, like barfing up all this garbage about him all the time, then you can't just go off on her and be like "just drop it" in the the middle of one of her tirades, but I think it's a bad idea to let it fester.

 

You could have the understanding but slightly annoyed tone and if she does that compliment/comparison thing say something like "thank you for noticing, but he really doesn't have anything to do with us right now." Then see what she says.

 

She already noticed she was doing it so you see it right to see how she acts on the next date, but if she starts doing it again, i'd actually address it and the sooner the better or this could linger if (fingers crossed) this turns into something.

 

I just have the view that this is one of those subjects you have to stick up for yourself on, and I have a feeling if you do it'll push her over that hump and get her over him.

[ShroomzGod]

Yeah I'm gonna have to be a man of action on this one. This date'll be in my territory since we've been out by her the first and in the city the second. I figured it's super early into this so I'd see what happens. If it goes on next time I'm gonna try to nip it in the butt right away.