Ex and money

[laboheme]

A while ago I lent my boyfriend a hefty sum of money, and he has been paying it off in small increments...but now that we're no longer together, he's still paying me back, but I don't want him to! I don't know why it's getting to me so much...but I kind of feel like when he pays it off completely, our friendship will be over and I will never hear from him again. Moreover, I always thought of that particular sum of money as "our" money, not mine or his, and never really wanted him to pay me back...but he was even talking about paying me back with interest!

 

How do I tell him that I don't want the rest of the money without offending him (he has a strong sense of responsibility and wants to make things even, and it was difficult for him to accept the money in the first place)??? I would do the same thing in his place, of course, I hate owing people money, especially if it's a large sum...but I feel like I'm receiving alimony...Is there any way to get him to stop? I don't want money tainting our post-breakup relationship! (Which has been fairly good so far, and I'm still harboring some hope for reconciliation...)

[DN]

I think you are more likely to reduce the chance of a reconciliation if you hurt his pride by refusing the repayment than by allowing him to pay it back.

[annie24]

I agree with DN.

[renaissancewoman101]

At least he's paying you back. My ex borrowed about $1800 from me and to this day, he's only paid me back about $400. I have long since given up on trying to collect from him.

[fishrrshortae]

let him pay it back, you'll regret that later.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with the others.

 

You can't hold on to someone this way. What you may be thinking is an act of kindness (not wanting the money), he may take as an act of control.

 

I know for myself, when I have a debt, it hangs over me and that sensation of 'owning' something to the person feels awful.

 

Do you want him to get back with you bc he feels he has to or out of obligation, or bc he really wants you?

 

Let it go. Let him pay.

[robowarrior]

You can't hold on to anyone in life. You will have to learn that,he has to pay of his debt to you which is only natural, besides you two aren't even together so you already lost him. So being afraid that you'll lose him is acting irrational.