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Why do some girls have sex at such a young age?


cmd
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Ladies, please explain to me why 12 or 13-year-old girls feel it necessary to lose their virginity? My wife lost her virginity at the age of 13 and I still cannot figure out why she wanted to do that. It's probably more of an issue with myself, but I just can't wrap my brain around this one.

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Are you really sure she wanted to lose her virginity at 13 or was she just caught in circumstances where she did not have the maturity to or education to make an informed choice.

 

Lots of women do lose their virginity at a young age but I am not sure it is because they want to.

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I dont think the reasons for a 12 or 13 year old or even younger wanting to lose their virginity is any different than a 18 year old wanting to lose it. There is some element of peer pressure and it feels like everyone else is doing it and they want to be a part of that crowd, they are curious about what it feels like and it might even be just something to do.

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The racing hormones of adolescence combined with a lack of maturity (but thinking one knows everything) can lead to decisions that are, in hindsight, less-than-stellar.

 

Seems like many of us go through a phase where hanging out with the wrong crowd is the cool thing to do. Some of us will come through that phase unscathed....some of us won't...picking up bad habits like smoking, drinking, recereational drug use, and starting a sex life before we even understand how our own bodies work, let alone the bodies of the opposite sex.

 

These kids grow up watching TV and movies where there is a lot of overt sexuality displayed by actors/actresses/celebrities and it's treated casually, normally, and like something all the cool people are doing. Then we wonder why they act "like that."

 

As melrich suggested...it's quite possible that it's not something she intentionally set out to do. You could ask her if you don't already know the circumstances, I think you've got a right to ask....but I think she's also got a right to not share that info if she doesn't want to, as well.

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Aside from hormones and peer pressure and the glorifying of sex in the media I think there are 3 big reasons- all of which are clesely related to one another.

 

*Low self-esteem (attention from guys is validating)

 

*A need to feel "loved" (mistaking sex for love)

 

*Family that is not in-tune with what's going on in her life

 

BellaDonna

 

P.S. a past history of abuse can also be a factor

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Some women are sexually abused at a young age. This can make them either hypersexual or go the other way. People also appear to be developing at a younger age, which can make hormones go crazy and increase sex drive. Plus, sex is everywhere in the media and kids see it and become curious.

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My wife once told me she had been with "lots of guys". She was trying to asuage my anxiety about being compared to other guys and not feeling up to snuff. Now, that really stuck in my crawl. My feelings about this are complicated. Number 1, I'm jealous of her since I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22. Number 2, I find her somewhat disgusting for behaving that way. Number 3, I feel sorry for her that she didn't have enough self-esteem to not put herself in risky situations. Number 4, why couldn't she have saved herself for me? I know this all sounds crazy and irrational, but it's how I feel.

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This was before we were married. We hadn't been dating very long and due to my low self-esteem I was pretty convinced she would leave me. She was trying to make me feel better by saying I was the best she had ever been with, but she inadvertently made it worse.

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Hi cmd,

 

Lack of respect, stability, love and care within the family. Leads to low self estem and easy attachment issues. Girl is desperate for love (not sex) but gives sex to receive love.

 

And this is by no means limited to young women. Quite a few female posters here have easy-attachment issues.

 

Men (me too in the past) can have easy attachment issues for the same reasons.

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I would say it is a great combination of peer pressure, but also very low self esteem for many girls at this age whom feel that to gain love, they must trade their bodies. There is a great lack of awareness for the consequences (emotional and physical of sex) and a lack of confidence in themselves to realize they are great individuals deserving of love without trading their bodies.

 

At 13 I can guarantee she was not thinking how this would affect her in the future, or how future partners would feel, or how she would feel about it in a few years. As adolescents, your emotions are your mind basically, it is very hard to conceptualize beyond that moment.

 

For me the greater concern is how many young girls AND boys seem to treat sex and sexuality as party favours, as commodities. And this scares me whether they are 12, 15 or 20 to be honest.

 

However, this is something you and your WIFE need to discuss. What is generally the case is not automatically the case. I am concerned that this is 15, 20 years in the past, and you are holding this against her in some form. Maybe not directly, but as an undercurrent there is a resentment of sorts towards this past - which honestly should of been accepted as part of the past by this point if you chose to marry her.

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Peer pressure is also something I am concerned about, but to report something positive, my almost 15y old step daughter wants to hold off for a while after a classmate recently gave birth.

 

We'll see how long it lasts.

 

I have encouraged a better relationship between her mom (my gf) and her, and it seems to help.

 

Perhaps I make a thread about peer pressure sometimes.

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My other thread "dealing with my wife's old flames" might explain some of my thoughts and feelings on the subject. The fact that I am still having trouble with her past was overshadowed by my intense love for her at the time. When we were dating there were some rough times due to my attitude about her sexual past. I would become distant and somewhat detached. I've apologized to my wife for my behavior and she tells me I'm worth waiting for. I don't know that I agree with her. I've been hating myself for many years due to my perceived inadequacies and I often think I don't deserve her. At the same time, I resent her. I am very conflicted. Sometimes I wish I could get into a time machine and go back 20 years and change things about myself. I feel as though I missed out on a lot of fun activities during my teen years. My wife, on the other hand, seemed to do it all, which she looks back on fondly. I hate myself for being so uptight and scared. I'll never get those years back and it's tearing me apart. My therapist is trying to tell me that I didn't miss anything and that I chose to live my life a certain way and that's there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Is this correct, or am I just trying to fool myself?

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My therapist is trying to tell me that I didn't miss anything and that I chose to live my life a certain way and that's there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Is this correct, or am I just trying to fool myself?

 

He is absolutely correct. Regrets are feelings the hardest to deal with. Ask him. I post more for you in the other thread in a minute.

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because they are shallo sluts ?

 

 

That is extremely rude to say. I lost my virginity at 14 and I have NEVER been a * * * *. I had been with him for almost 9 months before we had sex for the first time and our relationship after sex was better than ever, emotionally.

 

Just because I lost my virginity early DOES NOT mean I'm a * * * *.

 

Though, I do have some possible reason why I did have sex at 14. I was sexually abused when I was 12 and I did have low self esteem, but ONLY with my weight. I NEVER once had sex because I wanted a guy to like me. If a guy will only keep you if you have sex with him, he is not worth it and doesn't deserve my time.

 

and Yeah, I am 16 and pregnant but it has nothing to do with low self esteem or peer pressure and I'm taking full responsibility for my actions and my son is my life now.

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