cmd

Update: I haven't checked in for quite some time. I'm happy to say that things have been going much better for me lately. I've experienced very little in the way of depression. My wife and I are getting along very well. She still spends a lot of time at work or working at home, but if you knew her you'd realize she is a slow learner. It just takes her a long time to get something right. She got a new job as a web designer, which is totally alien to her, so she requires a lot of time to get all of the code correct. I still have those fleeting thoughts of inadaquacy and jealousy, but as I said, they are fleeting. I may never totally get those awful thoughts out of my head but I can certainly learn to deal with them better.

I think it's just too intense to show her face right now. You could always mail the keepsake to her. Send a note with it to ask her to send you your stuff. That way, both of you will be able to save face and keep the potential for conflict to a minimum. Besides, sending her the keepsake is the manly thing to do.

There are a lot of helpful ways to cope with intense urges and intrusive thoughts. One way is to drink an entire glass of water (this will distract you as it takes some effort to down a glass of water). Others include exercise, watching a comedy, calling a friend, puzzles, taking a warm bath, snap a rubber band on your wrist, listen to an entire CD, read a book or a magazine. Do anything that requires some mental effort and you'd be surprised how your disturbing thoughts will fade. Practice this and in a few weeks to a few months you will start noticing how your mind is getting retrained. If that doesn't work it may be time to see a therapist who can do more intensive cognitive therapy or hypnotherapy.

Yes, I've attempted suicide. I was 16 years old and very desperate for the pain to go away. I swallowed about 23 Tylenol. All it did to me was make my stomach gurgle and actually gave me a headache. I never told anybody about it for years. I have had occasional suidical ideation over the years. I've never attempted again though. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of getting into therapy and medication. It can work if you want it to. I have chronic problems with depression, so I have to get into therapy with some regularity. I am back on medication after a few years hiatus, and it's helping. A therapist can help normalize things for you and provide some much needed objectivity as suicidal people tend to lose that. Good luck to you.

The only problem I have with interracial dating is if people do it for reasons other than love. I see lots of black guys dating white women, but I don't see lots of white guys dating black women. Why is that? Are white guys afraid of black women and is it some kind of status symbol for black guys to be dating white women? Do white women just want to anger their parents by dating a black man? It seems like a trend out there, and I am wondering if other people see it.

I have hired two prostitutes. The first one was in Vegas and she was beautiful, had a great body, and gave me the best oral sex I've ever had. The second one was in my home town and was not quite as enthusiastic as the first one. I used protection both times and have no STD's. At the time, I was very inexperienced having only been with one woman. I wanted to experience more than one woman in my life time, and I feel very justified in what I did. I am not proud of it, but I don't regret it. I would not recommend others try it if they are not comfortable with the idea. I felt it was something I had to do since I'm not a player and not very aggressive with the ladies.

I don't think my wife really gets anything out of it when I suck on them or rub them. I, on the other hand, really enjoy it. When she is on top of me while we're having sex, I enjoy touching them. I think that turns her on a little bit.

My other thread "dealing with my wife's old flames" might explain some of my thoughts and feelings on the subject. The fact that I am still having trouble with her past was overshadowed by my intense love for her at the time. When we were dating there were some rough times due to my attitude about her sexual past. I would become distant and somewhat detached. I've apologized to my wife for my behavior and she tells me I'm worth waiting for. I don't know that I agree with her. I've been hating myself for many years due to my perceived inadequacies and I often think I don't deserve her. At the same time, I resent her. I am very conflicted. Sometimes I wish I could get into a time machine and go back 20 years and change things about myself. I feel as though I missed out on a lot of fun activities during my teen years. My wife, on the other hand, seemed to do it all, which she looks back on fondly. I hate myself for being so uptight and scared. I'll never get those years back and it's tearing me apart. My therapist is trying to tell me that I didn't miss anything and that I chose to live my life a certain way and that's there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Is this correct, or am I just trying to fool myself?

I find myself avoiding my wife more and more. I'm not really feeling depressed or anxious though. I have been having some intrusive thoughts regarding her sexual history (which still makes me uncomfortable). I guess since she is spending lots of time working, both at the office and at home, I'm feeling rather unneeded/unimportant. My therapist told me that it's probably because of me that she feels secure enough to venture out with her career (I have always been the steady one, she tends to be the wild one). Maybe I'm just getting tired of holding everthing together. I have been waiting for her to mature and take care of more things but she still can't do it all consistently (pay the bills, take care of the dog, get her laundry done, etc.). We seem to have what I call a "weekend marriage". During the week days, she is hyper focused on her work and doesn't really spend a lot of time with me. We are close only during the weekends (and even then she sometimes goes to work, leaving me behind). I've been having a lot of thoughts about ending the marriage but I don't really have any intention of acting on those thoughts. I've also had thoughts of having an affair, but I'm so inept with women I don't think my wife would have to worry about that. What am I doing here?

This was before we were married. We hadn't been dating very long and due to my low self-esteem I was pretty convinced she would leave me. She was trying to make me feel better by saying I was the best she had ever been with, but she inadvertently made it worse.

It would bother me tremendously. Not only do I not want to hear about my lover's past sexual relationships, I certainly would not want to know about any kind of incestuous relationships either. Ignorance is bliss.

My wife once told me she had been with "lots of guys". She was trying to asuage my anxiety about being compared to other guys and not feeling up to snuff. Now, that really stuck in my crawl. My feelings about this are complicated. Number 1, I'm jealous of her since I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22. Number 2, I find her somewhat disgusting for behaving that way. Number 3, I feel sorry for her that she didn't have enough self-esteem to not put herself in risky situations. Number 4, why couldn't she have saved herself for me? I know this all sounds crazy and irrational, but it's how I feel.

Ladies, please explain to me why 12 or 13-year-old girls feel it necessary to lose their virginity? My wife lost her virginity at the age of 13 and I still cannot figure out why she wanted to do that. It's probably more of an issue with myself, but I just can't wrap my brain around this one.

You should try oral sex while you're manually stimulating her. Women love that. My wife said that there is a difference in the quality of orgasms she has from oral sex and from intercourse. I think her orgasms from intercourse are more intense and she is more likely to have multiple orgasms. Sometimes she actually counts them out for me (that's one, there's two, number 3 is coming, etc.).

I say let it rip. Most guys really don't care if something goes flying through the air during sex, and I assume you are the same way. Encourage her to relax and let it happen. Try doing it with a towel under both of you if she's afraid of making a mess. My wife has squirted several times and totally soaked the sheets, but it's oh so sexy.