First time, why wait?

[xcountryprincess]

I've heard a lot of people on this forum say they wish they'd waited longer for their first full on sexual experience. But people don't often say why. I've never really felt peer pressure but a lot of my friends are losing their virgininty (i'm 16, most of them are 17) or engaging in oral sex. I've never really been able to picture myself or my friends doing it. Now they are it's like Whoa, and i'm trying to imagine myself doing that.

 

I guess i'm feeling kind of left behind. I skipped a grade and though technically my friends are all a year or so older than me i've never felt younger or slower in development. I'm the one people always turn to for advice, and people are always shocked when i tell them i'm only 16. I don't have a boyfriend which is tough as most of my close friends do, but i know i don't want to have sex until i'm with someone i'm completely comfortable with and trust.

 

Now that i've rambled, lol, i guess my question is why do so many people wish they'd waited? Didn't they think they really cared about the person at the time? Did they later realize it wasn't love or what? Are my friends who seem to be loving their new sexualy active lives going to feel the same way a few years from now?

[arwen]

Well, personally at 16 I felt I was too young. My first time I had been 20 for a few months and I was together with the bf for over a year. I felt the same as you did, first being comfortable, esp. if it's the first time ever.

 

I never felt left out, it was normal for my classmates to be virgin. Maybe it's a different time now

 

*ilse is starting to be old!*

 

Ilse

[bhzmafia]

In a few months I will be going on schoolies, much like spring break I guess, and I think I will end up losing my virginity there...

 

Only thing is, if I do it I can only see it being to some random person, and I dont know if its worth it... I dont really care about virginity as such, but like you, I feel it would be better to lose it to someone I really care about.

 

If I wait, it will be because I am scared that I will regret it later.

[xcountryprincess]

Lol, Ilse don't feel old, sounds like you didn't regret your decision which is good. I kinda feel the same way, maybe not that i'm too young but just not completely ready. I just don't get how my friends who have seemed a little "behind" me, are so completely ready. They've found boyfriends and are going for it, it's just a shock, a year ago we were all talking about how we could never imagine ourselves doing that, and being self consious and not thats all changed. Granted i'm not as self consious as i used to be, but i'm still not quite there yet.

[neva_black_n_white]

I think i wish i had waited. its because of the foundations we built it on. I said i wouldnt have sex until i loved someone. Which i what i thought i was doing.... loosing my virginity to someone i loved. BUT i found out later, hed just told me that. Dont get me wrong, we stayed together for over 2 years. More 3 years. But it hurt to know that. And to know that we stayed together that long, we had time to make it work. You know?

 

I wouldnt change that moment though. he was amazing. I wouldnt have lost my virginity to anyone else. he treat me like an angel.

 

Just partly wish id saved it for a while.

 

 

 

 

it depends on your reasons... thats just how i feel.. so.

[brando]

Take your time with this. Just don't let yourself be pressured into doing something.

 

If youare not ready then do not be embarrassed or ashamed to say so. Saying no to sex (especially for the first time) says more about the person you are and want to be, then to just say yes because all of your friends are doing it.

 

At your age your friends do not know muc about life yet. They will pretend they do, but believe me they don't.

 

Standing up for what you believe in is hard enough to do in this world, so start now, and never forget that what you want is more important than what anybody else wants.

 

It is about principle and self respect. Never turn a deaf ear to what your conscious is telling you, instead turn a deaf ear to what your peers are telling you.

[dawn515]

Wait until you are comfortable.

 

I know what you mean, because when I was sixteen, it seemed that everyone around me was losing their virginity, getting it on, etc, and I felt left out. I sometimes thought about just going out there and "losing it" because virginity started to seem like a burden.

 

When I finally did lose it, it was to a boyfriend I cared about, and he cared about me. (I was 16; he was 17.) Did that "love" last? No, it didn't. But I don't regret it, not one bit. For me, it's a good memory because I ended up with someone I cared deeply about at the time, so now I can at least look back on that memory with fondness. If I had lost it in some sort of random hook-up, I think I would feel differently about it. I'm glad that I at least waited to be with someone I cared about, even though it wasn't forever.

 

I hope that helps...

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, I'm 18 and certainly not a virgin.

 

However, I can think of.... at LEAST a whole five of my 18-year-old friends who are still virgins! I'm the more unusual one in my circle of friends.

[hosswhispra]

Well, I am 32 and I am certainly a virgin. I made the personal decision very gradually. I always thought that if I fell in love with someone and they loved me too, then it would be okay to have sex outside marriage.

 

But my views changed. I looked within myself and found out that I need the committment of marriage to share my body with someone I love.

 

Everyone is different though. Some are fine with having sex with whomever they are attracted to; some are fine with having sex with whomever they love and/or care deeply about and are attracted to...then there are others who will wait to have sex until they get a "public" form of committment from the one they love and are attracted to.

 

No one is wrong or right, one must do what they feel comfortable with and always put themselves first in what I believe to be an unselfish manner (and always be safe).

[Batya33]

I think the mistake is seeing those who have had sex as "ahead" of you - in reality, if there are those who had sex because of peer pressure or for some reason other than caring about the person they were with then certainly they are not "ahead" when it comes to maturity.

 

I had a serious boyfriend in high school but I waited until I was 24 and seriously involved with someone before having sex. I was glad I waited because it is a big deal both emotionally and also the physical impact/potential impact such as pregnancy, etc.

[Deviant_Kate]

I was 18 when I lost my virginity, and I was in love with the person I gave it to - the problem is that because I was so young, I wasn't the best at decision-making. We'd been together for six months, and we wanted to stay together forever, but if I were older and more mature, I would have recognized the several red flags that would have warned me that the relationship wouldn't work out. I fell in love again just before I turned 21, and things are going really well - no red flags (believe me, I've been looking for them pretty closely this time). I regret losing my virginity so young because it's something I wish I could have given to the love of my life.

 

People make mistakes, and it's not the end of the world, but I can't take it back.

 

There's no way to know you're making the right decision when you make this kind of decision - just remember that it's not a race, there's no rush. Enjoy your life, and when you stumble accross love, listen to your heart and do what feels right.

[jsx730]

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19, and I couldn't be happier. Because I was older and more mature, and because I was 100% comfortable with the woman I loved, I'm able to look back at my first time with no regrets. It was amazing. I had known her for roughly 3 years, and over the summer we realized we wanted to be more then just friends. Flash forward a year and we're happily living together =)

[moe42]

I was 15...I was one of the first people of whom I know to have sex which is good I didnt want them to be having sex. I was with him for a year before we started having sex and another year after. Some of my friends are getting a little "restless" about being virgins and just having sex to have sex and they regret it. I loved him as weird as that might sound concidering how young I was I really did love him, I still do actually (were dating again after being apart for a year) and its great. I wouldnt do it just cause....wait for the right person, wait for the right time. Youll be much happier about it that way