My girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years!! HELP!

[CustomX]

My girlfriend decided on Thursday the 24th of july to break up with me 2 weeks after i got back from seeing her in arkansas. I live in california and we have been doing the long distance thing for 4 years. She broke up with me over the phone saying its not working out that we fight too much and that im mean to her and take all of her money. She also said she felt like this since december of 2002. What i dont understand is how she never said anything to me before and why she waited this long. I really loved this girl soo much when i went to see her for the last time i got her a 400 dollar engagement ring that didnt fit her finger =(. I told her i would get it sized but she insisted i take it back and get her another one. For 4 years we have been seeing each other every 3-4 months she comes out here and i go out there. The thing is i always called her she never really calls me. Anyways i called her up at work on the 24th because she was out with her friend nikki and i didnt know where she was and it was late and she never came home. So i call her work and she tells me i dont think we should see each other anymore. Then it hit me hard i started to fall to the groud crying my eyes out begging her not to do this because i loved her soo much. All she could say is sorry and i just need time and space to think about things and how she was tierd of us fighting all the time. Then she starts talking about when we have sex i always make it seem like we are building a house because im telling her to put her legs in a position to make sex more interesting. She just wants me to have sex with her with me on top always. Now she said she wants to be my best friend and she loves me as a friend now. The thing is she said she would call me on this past monday and she never did. I was waiting by the phone and hoping she would call but she never called. Oh i forgot to say she said after she found out she was loosing her job she went numb? and decided all this. So i called her house yesterday and her mom said she tried to call me but i wasnt home. DAMMIT i missed her call because i was out to lunch. She said shes leaving the possiblity of going back out with me not now later one she said? This is hurting me soo much the first week of the break up i couldnt sleep eat or do anything. I just sat and cried my eyes out for hours. I cried on the phone with her all she would say is Steven stop her voice was betweeen mad and sad. I just dont know what to do because she is my first love my first one to have sex with and she is too. She said we should try and see other people to see what life is like without each other.

[waitinvain]

Well,

 

I've tried the constant communication and begging for another chance. It doesn't work so don't bother.

 

Instead just tell her once how you feel and that you are there for her if she needs you.

 

Then leave her alone. If she loves you she will get in touch and if she doesn't you know she isn't the one.

 

It is true. I know it's true, but it's the hardest thing in the world not to keep contacting the person you love. I've been doing it myself, but all it does is push them further away and make the situation worse.

 

She has cut the tie with you, so all you can hope for now is that time will change her mind and absense makes her heart grow fonder. You only need to say how you feel once after the event. If you keep repeating it over and over she will feel crowded and pressured, and start to resent you.

 

That is what has happened to me, and now I have finally stopped communicating. I don't know if time is going to make any difference for me now. Maybe I have pushed it too far. Don't make the same mistake as me.

 

Give her time and space to come to her own conclusions. If she loves you she knows where you are.

 

If you smother her she will never want you back. Harsh but true.

 

Also only want to be back with her if it is right, not because she was your first or because you feel alone.

 

Believe me, I feel alone right now. I would do anything for her to contact me and say let's go for a drink, but it may not ever happen and I cant keep contacting her, so now it's upto her. I may never hear from her again, but I can't live my life expecting it to happen. Neither can you. Life does go on and believe me my friend I know how you feel. For 10 days I have been a hopeless wreck. I have hardly been able to do my job at work, and I've felt sick driving to work. I haven't been able to focus on things properly and I haven't stopped thinking about her the whole time. I even dream about her every night and the torment has not yet stopped.

 

But underneath it all I know I'm strong and things will get better. You have faith in the same - get on with your life, she knows where you are if she wants you.

 

All the best and good luck.

[CustomX]

I havnt been able to do much either! I felt a couple time i was going to throw up but i couldnt. I hurts alot i know that much... and i also have dreams about her. my dreams are scary!! in my dreams im all alone and noone is there! and somtimes i cannot sleep well. The other night i thought my heart was going to stop....Really i dont mean mentally i thought i was going under soo much pain pressure and depression my heart couldnt take it and thought i was going to die in my sleep!.. My mom is so upset that she did this to me she doesnt understand why she gave up and thought that my girlfriend was commited to the relationship. I told alot of my friends (women friends) and they think she's stupid for giving me up because i was the sweetest guy they knew and i really took care of her. My mom would spend 300 dollars on clothes for her whenever she came to california. Plus took her to disneyland out to eat everynight and everything. I really got alone with her family and they really liked me too. All i do now is think about the good times and where we went wrong....I always feel guilty about things and i hated myself for what i did wrong....i few times i cut myself to remind me of the mistake i made and how it effected my life. I feel like i have a wound that wont heal a scar that will last forever. I just cannot believe what has happened and its very hard to accept it.

[bryan]

what you are feeling is normal. It will take time to be able to live your life again. Try to tell yourself that she is gone and that you must now live your life for YOU and not her. She left you so remember it is her loss! Dont sit at home feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for her to call when she is probably out with someone else having a good time! When she realizes the grass isnt greener on the other she will call! She will see what she has lost and try to slowly gain it back by asking for your friendship. It will be up to you as to how you react after she comes crying back. You need to show her that you can live without her, that is what brings the ex's back. Confidence in yourself is what you need. I could write so much more but I have to go to work. Please keep us updated! Good luck

[CustomX]

I will keep you guys and gals updated trust me! oh and for people who are wondering Im 21 years old and shes 22. Im starting to get my life back together and im goign to get a job and a car again. Thank you for everyones help i apreciate you taking the time to read my sad story and giving me advice. You people are a big help and much is apreciated.

[dave_1966]

My heart goes out to you, it really does. I'm older than you but went out with a 22 year woman old until a few months ago. (see link removed ). Unfortuneatly, and to my cost, I got all the same 'lets be friends' bull that all women who decide on this course of action give out. I would warn you NOT to be friends with this girl as you will make a complete fool of yourself in the process, and expose yourself to even more hurt than you've already experienced. Why would you want to be downgraded to being a friend for gods sake? You've been her very best friend for the last 4 years. If you hang around like a lost puppy you will lose any possible respect that she has left for you and end up meeting or finding out about any other guy she may shack up with, which believe me, will prolong your pain for much longer than is really necessary. She mentally prepared herself to do this, and was prepared emotionally. You weren't, and the shock of it will take a long time to get over, tho easier with each passing day. Sever all contact, don't take calls from her unless she's pleading for forgiveness and go out and meet other women. If you're not ready to meet another girl, at least go and join a gym as this will work off a lot of negative energy and make you feel good about yourself. Good luck, and be strong!

[CustomX]

Thats really hard to do....i dont want to stop talking to her because i care for her soo much..but if she calls me i will talk to her... i just dont understand why she threw away something good! I was soo good to her i loved her i never cheater on her i called her everyday i was home all the time when she wanted me to be, I never drank did any drugs i was the perfect boyfriend! we talked about moving in together getting married and having kids later on. Right now its very hard to accept what is happening to me because I have to tell my heart that it cannot love this person anymore and that its not going to be loved back. The past couple of nights i wake up in a sweat! waking up knowing im alone and shes out of my life. We talked everyday on the phone for 4 years! and now stopped its not very easy and i hate it!

[splinter]

Custom X,

 

Not to be so blunt, but I don't think you were the perfect boyfriend. Otherwise, she wouldn't have left you. The reason why I am being so blunt is that I also felt that I was the perfect bf. So did a lot of people who saw our relationship. To this day everyone tells me I was so good to her and did everything for her and they don't understand why she left. I was home when she wanted me to be. I sacraficed going out with my friends to be with her. I supported her financially. When I was gone on business I always called her to make sure she was ok. I let her go out with her friends whenever she wanted without making any complaints and so on and so on.

 

You know what though, after she left me, I really sat down and thought of our relationship and why it didn't work out. Then bam I started seeing things from her perspective and realized all the things I wasn't doing for her. I just put up a post on this message board where I wrote her a letter. Writing this letter really made me understand what I was thinking during our relationship and then on the flip side how I think she felt. After I wrote this letter I realized why she left.

[dave_1966]

I know how you feel, and I was there a few months ago. I actually spoke to my ex tonight, to tell her to STOP calling me. At the moment you feel really raw about things, these feelings will fade over the coming days and weeks and you will start to feel better about things. It's very important to surround yourself with family and friends now to distract yourself from thinking about her all the time, go out and try to enjoy yourself. You will eventually reach a point where you start thinking 'how can I possibly be so upset about someone who could treat me as bad as this!" At this point you'll see the 'let's be friends' routine for what it really is.....bullshit. And even if you're not ready for another relationship, talk to other girls in bars, etc. It'll do your confidence good when they smile and talk back. They say it takes 2 months to get over each year of a relationship, which means you have 8 months to piece yourself together again. I can guarantee you'll be a wiser and better man in 8 months, with a clearer picture of what sort of woman you need. Join a gym, as I said before, and start looking after No1.

[CustomX]

Thats what i really want to do is join a gym...true i did some things that i shouldnt have but im not perfect and she said she wanted that!...she also did things to me too and i took it! she yells at me and makes me upset and cry and my mom said she hears it when we talk on the phone. She hates going to the stores i like going to but i have to go clothes shopping with her! SHE WONT EVEN GO INTO ONE OF THE STORES I WANT TO GO IN. And thats best buy! she said i take too long in that store but shouldnt i get to since i let her go in her stores? Anyways im going up north to visit a friend for a week maybe ill be better then.

[SnwBrdnXP]

My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me on May 26th and there are 2 kids involved. Neither one is my blood as she had one already and one she was pregnant with right when I met her. He knows me as dad and I love both the kids so much that I have actually lost 3 people, not just one. I can relate to every little thing you said and want the same thing as you, my friend. The last guy said it right. We have only but to get on with our lives as if it was for good and that way if it doesn't ever happen we'll already be preparing. If it does happen we can be all that much happier when it does but we must keep our guard up. You're a lot like me and if that is so you would readily jump back into her arms if she asked you. The key is to remember how much you are hurting now and be very careful about how much of yourself you let out. IF she truly loves you she will work WITH you to help you feel secure again. The last time I talked to my X was 5 weeks ago now and I actually blocked her from being able to email me because it was too painful to talk to her knowing that we're broken up. She has made it clear to me she wants to move on with her life and her kids so she needs to feel what life is like without me. Blocking her from being able to email me was the HARDEST thing I have ever done. All of this has turned my world upside down enough to where I am actually in counseling over it and have been on anti-depressants as well. I can tell you that if we don't ever get back together it will be a long, long time before I can give my love to someone the way I truly love her. I imagine being with or kissing another woman with love and it makes me sick and I start crying. The best thing you can do is let the fact that you know you love her with all your heart comfort you and don't go looking to force yourself to consider anyone else. Just keep moving. The best thing for you is to concentrate on anything but how you feel. It was hard for me to do this too because I felt like I was letting go of how I really feel about her which scared me. Talk to your friends, go out with them to fun places and have a good time. Spend as MUCH time with your family AND friends as you possibly can. This is the most important thing when you fell this badly and I know how badly you feel because I feel it too. I was almost driven to suicide several times teh pain was so bad, and I really did throw up. We're all here with you, bro. Let's help each other.

[brosiamarie]

Hi I dont know if I can help you in any way, but IWill give it a try I just ended my relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years he was my first love and first everything I still love him with all my heart and soul, but just something wasnt right and to this day I cant put my finger on it and as much as I miss him I think I need this time apart even if it means that I am taking the chance of making the worst mistake of my life. I hurt him greatly he started getting sick and having panic attacks which caused my heart to break more because he was the last person I ever wanted to hurt.I didnt mean to cause him so much pain and in a way feel selfish,but I need to figure things out. And I believe this is the best way. All I can say is give her time let her know you are there for her I am sure she is hurting to. If it is meant to be then you two will be together again.

[SnwBrdnXP]

My girlfriend and I actually got back together 10 days after my last post on this subject. The ones that are meant to be will be. Time is your best friend as it really shows you what is and what isn't. Let sleeping dogs lie and in the end you'll know where you belong. The two of us are working together to have fun and really understand each other. There was hurt that needed to come out and there probably still is some. Everything has been for the better in the end. Don't give up!