One last shot...

[Daemon]

I'm writting this because I've been in bed for three hours and can't sleep, so I might as well get it out, though any advice is appreciated.

 

Not to reiterate my whole story, but basically 2 months ago my ex broke up with me because I was a complete * * * * * * *. I immediately realized the mistake I'd made, and tried to get her back, but being me I started small, flowers, teddies and stupid emails, and that didn't work. Then a month and a half ago she left to Europe with her family, and that sucked. Eventually I decided... screwit, I screwed up so I'll do everything I can to make it up to her, even if it just means committing emotional suicide. So I bought her the nicest Versace necklace I could afford and went to Marseille... and Amsterdam, Paris, basically a really fast Eurotrip to deliver it to her. I sent her an email to tell her I was there, but all I got back was her friend telling me that she (my ex) was happy her family was there or she would fall back for me (she's pretty much been angry at me the entire time). When I finally found her (in Barcelona)... I decided, weirdly, that I didn't want to stress her out on her vacation, so I left her alone.

 

I've been back for almost 3 weeks, and she gets back in 4 days. Since I'm currently very very in debt and can't think of anything else I can do without spending, last ditch effort will be to give her a few days to get back and relax, then pop by her appartement and give her the necklace (that she doesn't know I bought), and hopefully talk to her.

 

And that stresses me out. I've done everything I can think of, blown off other girls, changed myself as much as I could in so little time... I know it would work if we went at it again (doubt me if you will, but I DO know). I just... needed to get that out, and I'd kill for some advice on what to say when I see her, or if there's something else I could do.

 

Thanks.

[allgood]

TRY ONE LAST TIME TO GET HER BACK.....POUR OUT YOUR FEELINGS AND WHAT U REALLY FEEL INSIDE AND STEP ON UR PRIDE........BUT IF THAT DOESNT WORK THEN IF U REALLY LOVE HER LET HER GO AND LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE.

 

BUT IF SHE DOES GIVE U ANOTHER CHANCE THE LAST THING SHE WANTS ARE HEAD ACHES FROM YOU. SO START REAL SLOW IF U DO GET HER BACK. MAKE IT AS IF UR JUST DATING HER AGAIN.

 

just my opnion since it happened to a couple of my friends trying to win their gf back. One thing they learnt when they got a second chance is that don't give her head aches and dont expect it to be way it was. think of it more as ground 0, u have to earn her again.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I don't understand how buying her an ultra-expensive gift like that is supposed to impress her. We all like gifts, but this might just make her think you're going to make unwise financial decisions in your future, and worry, were she to marry you, that you might put her and you in the poorhouse, with such decisions.

 

Money can't buy love. Again, gifts are nice, but actions speak much louder.

[itsallgrand]

I think you should return the necklace and put that money towards your debt. Unfortunately, there is no getting back the cost from your Eurotrip.

 

I agree with teddy. Please don't destruct yourself bc of a broken heart. Pretty soon; you will be lying awake at night and won't know whether it's bc of the breakup or worrying about money. The debt will follow you much longer than the breakup.

 

Let's assume that you do end up getting back together with her.

Imagine if that happened, but you are dead broke! That will put stress on the relationship like crazy. In effect, you are screwing yourself in several directions by draining your finances.

 

And honestly, if she does decide to get back with you: wouldn't you rather it be bc she wants to be with YOU, not bc you bought her things?

 

First things first. You need to take care of you.

[Belle]

Seriously,

 

Take the necklace back. I wouldn't want someone I cared about going broke to try to win me back. It's trying to buy someone. You can't do that. She comes back because of your actions like cuddly said. Not gifts. It won't work that way.

[sukerbut]

take trhe necklace back..bad move on that, but it worked for kobe lol...if you changed in this situation , since she loves you ! you definatly have a shot...in this case you need to be persistent...but easy with going into

debt.

[Daemon]

Uh... let's just say that for now, a few months of debt is more of an annoyance than a real problem, and getting out of it is one of my lowest priorities.

 

And about buying her back... well, I said I changed. Two months ago I would NEVER have spent that much money on someone I hadn't gone out with for a least a year, and trust me the idea of buying her back annoys the heck out of me. But it's not like we just drifted a part and I'm throwing money at it to bring her back. I kicked her down, now I'm just doing everything I can to at least get her back on her feet.

 

At least that's how I see it, hopefully she will too.

[Sinead]

Hey Daemon what a man you are! The things that you have done to make it up to her is amazing!! My ex treated me like dirt and I broke off with him nearly 3 weeks ago and he hasnt even contacted me once - neither have i of course. And do you think he would be trying to win my heart back like that?

 

Well if I were your ex I would be back in your arms straightaway. God I wish I could find someone like that!

 

You made your mistake but now you've realised and you're making up for it. Good on you. You deserve to be well forgiven because you've more than earned it.

 

And i would say she will very much realise that soon!!

[lady00]

You're going about this all wrong. All this will be perceived by her as pressure to get back with you. It will make you look desperate to win her back. You need to convey that while you don't need her you would like to have her back with you. And then you need to take the pressure off and give her time. If you broke up with someone and they got you an expensive gift and asked you back, wouldn't you feel like they thought that you owed it to them to return? By all means, apologize but then give her space to reflect and decide whether or not she can really forgive and move on with you. She has to want to get back together and she has to convince herself that's what she wants. And for that, she needs to a) know where you stand and b) have time to think about it and you need to also take time to yourself to really recover from the breakup and start to move on. If she comes back, great. If not, then you will already be on your way to healing.

[Daemon]

Thank you Sinead for the vote of confidence, it helps to know that it COULD work.

 

And thanks lady00, I think you're absolutely right, and that's a problem I had (or have, but I'd rather think it's in the past).

 

But I'm not sure how much to leave it up to her. I mean, her family (most of whom have never met me) have only heard that bad things I've done and thereforeeee hate me, so talking to them just reminds her of how much of a jerk I was. Second, if I don't do anything she'll just continue thinking I'm an uncaring jerk and that won't help me either. Obviously I'm not going to stalk her, but... I don't really know exactly where to draw the line.

 

And no problems acting like I don't NEED her, I just GOT INTO MED SCHOOL, GO ME MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA, I'm in too good a mood to stand there sobbing.

 

Which raises one last question: when I appear at her door, should I be in a good smiley mood, or more somber and nervous?

[Sinead]

Daemon be smiley but dont make it look overly excited (which it sounds like you wouldnt anyway).

 

But yeah show your bubbly and happy and three C's:

 

COOL

CALM

COLLECTED

 

BUT when my ex and I first broke off two years ago (he broke off with me for two weeks and asked me back) this is what worked for me:

 

He asked to meet me in the college bar, I walked in - a few mins late of course - he had a pint of bulmers on the table (he knew it was my fav alcoholic drink at that time) for me, he had my fav shirt that I loved him wearing and his hair was gelled very well. When I saw him sitting there waiting my heart did flip flops. And then we got back.

 

And then we broke off nearly two years later ... sigh